Say You'll Remember Me

by Abby Jimenez

This is why I hated humans. They were the worst animals on the planet.

I did like dogs, though. I liked all animals, but especially dogs. We didn’t deserve them—and some people deserved them less than others.

I’d probably be purring too if I’d been in there.

“You’re saying this kitten doesn’t have a butthole.”

Pooter Needs a Poop Chute’ was genius…”

“We do love a cranky king,”

I never get why white men are grumpy. Like, we’re living in a patriarchy. You’re the most privileged class on the face of the earth. You’re not walking to your car with your keys through your fingers like wolverine and you’ve got bodily autonomy, why the bad mood?”

“The grumpy vet,” I breathed. “He just donated all this money to my GoFundMe.” “Really?” “Yes!” I read the note. My three favorite words: You were right.

“What lady?” Her eyes were wide. “The butthole cat lady.”

Beautiful. Even more than last time.

“Would you like to see my kitten’s butthole?”

“That’s an excellent-looking butthole.”

The cat smelled like her perfume again. Again I liked it.

“Oh my God, he’s smiling,” Tina said.

I felt bad that I said I didn’t like her. It wasn’t true.

“Yeah! The bun!” Tina said. “They always have the bun!” “The last one did not wear a bun,” I said, annoyed. “No. But she had bun energy,” Tina said.

“I’m serious. You’re not. You’re not charismatic. Or charming or extroverted or fun or—” “Okay, I get it.” “No, let me finish. You’re other things. You’re dependable and loyal. You’re stable and hardworking and kind. You always do the right thing, and you have a ton of integrity. That’s the stuff that matters.”

“I wanted to bring you flowers, but you said you’re going out of town.” “Awwwww. So you brought me something that can survive long bouts of absence and neglect instead? That’s really thoughtful—and also completely appropriate for my gardening abilities.”

“There’s going to be food. And puppies. It’s an adoption cruise for Midwest Animal Rescue.”

“You know, fun? That thing that makes you laugh and have a good time? Typically removing balls is not involved.” This got him. His smile cracked and his whole face changed.

“Don’t,” Xavier said next to me. “I’ll get it.”

Then he peeled off his shirt and my eyeballs dropped to his chest and exploded out of my head.

“Okay, but can you blame them, though?” I said. “You’re out here on this beach looking like paparazzi photos of Chris Hemsworth.”

“What if this was just me trying to get your shirt off?” “You could have done less.”

There was only one stuffed mushroom left and he put it in front of me without even asking.

“If I got rescued from this, I’d want to be rescued from the rescuers.”

You know how when someone dies, all anyone cares about is how? Somehow the moment that takes them out is more interesting than decades worth of life and accomplishments and living. I hated it.

“If Pooter was a boy I was going to call him Prison Mike,” I said. “Kind of bummed I can’t use it.”

“What would you name a dog in the witness protection program?” he asked. I tilted my head. “Wow, sounds serious. Boy or girl?” “Boy.” “What kind of dog?” I asked. “Mixed breed. Long hair.” “What color?” “Brown,” he said. “I’m thinking… Jake from State Farm? That way when someone says, ‘Where’d that dog come from?’ you can be like, ‘State Farm.’”

She looked at Xavier a moment too long. He ignored it. He didn’t ignore her, just the flirting. All his attention was on me.

I NODDED AT the cherry in my glass. “You want mine?” “You don’t like them?” she asked. I did like them. I handed her the toothpick anyway. I liked her more.

She’d enjoyed these cheese popovers they served and I’d gone down twice to get her another one.

I thought about going down to the bar and getting her a bowl of cherries. I had to talk myself out of it. I was afraid of overkill.

I was with the most beautiful woman on this boat. And she was funny too. Intelligent. In fact there wasn’t anything about her that I didn’t like. And why when she mentioned the semiprofessional baseball player did I immediately wonder how I measured up?

I had never in my life felt compelled to follow a mustard brand until today. I hit follow.

Mother Putters.

I hated places like that, but I’d hate dropping her off more.

“You know what they had in the ladies’ room?” she said, sitting down. “This little ancient Pomeranian who doesn’t like men, so they put him in the women’s bathroom to meet people.”

“I think I’d prefer to stash the clown costume first, but that’s just me.”

“You only have French’s mustard in your fridge,” she said. “I’m sorry,” I said, crossing my arms and leaning in the doorway. “I’ll do better next time.” “I hope so. It’s all fun and games until you ruin your wiener.”

She was in her summer dress still. She hadn’t brought a sweater. I didn’t know if the place would be chilly. I turned back to my room and grabbed a hoodie for her.

“Imagine our surprise when we found out you wanted to play laser tag. We just had to see this with our own eyes.

“I promise you, I will always tell you if things are not okay.”

“So you’re not a miniature golf kind of guy, huh?” I whispered. “No. I asked you to come because I didn’t want to take you home yet.” “I didn’t want to go home yet.” I nodded at his friends. “Still don’t.”

She was the kind of person who met strangers at a bar and was in somebody’s wedding by the end of the night. Extroverted and easy. It made it easy for me too.

She bounced into my arms, jumping up and down, and we both cracked up. This whole thing was so cheesy, but I loved it.

We beamed at each other while “Come On Eileen” went into the chorus.

This was the best date I’d ever been on. Period. I didn’t even care that my friends had crashed it. I was glad they’d met her because now I had someone to talk to about her.

I wanted to see her again. Tomorrow. Breakfast maybe before her flight. I didn’t even want to take her home. I was already planning the next date when she got back. I had free clinics all weekend, but I could m...

“Damn,” she whispered. “But if anyone’s actually watching they’d know we were done and they’d let us out, right?” “You really want me to kiss you in a spaceship, don’t you,” I said. “I kind of do…”