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Even if they did, what would they do? Fight him? The thought was laughable. He killed Mark in the blink of an eye, removing his spine entirely.
Was he even alive? Judging by the pale, blue-tinted flesh of his fingers wrapped around my ankle and the fleshless talking skull head, I guessed not.
“You’re such a dick.” The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them, but I meant what I said. The devil himself or not, this monster was a giant asshole. I almost wished he would have killed me instead of dragging me around like a sack of potatoes.
I’d seen some pretty fucked up things in my years of asset repossession, but this had to take the cake.
I might not have excelled at much, but if there was one thing I was really fucking good at, it was breaking into things. And if I was good at breaking in, breaking out would be a breeze.
Keeping my footsteps light–as light as I could with the shit-kicker boots I was wearing–
His eye sockets were lined with dozens of uneven teeth.
“Do not recite the old ways to me, brother. I helped write them.”
cringe..
I wasn’t sure how old the witch was, but I guess she’d been born sometime before sarcasm was invented.
In an attempt to spice things up in the bedroom, Mark had once asked me to call him Master, but the guy’s idea of being a Dom was a gentle ass spanking and a stained tie around my wrists that he used for the occasional interview—since grave robbing wasn’t always his ideal career choice.
I was that person—the creepy, weird girl. I liked horror movies, scary stories, and the macabre.
edgy
“I guess I am. You’re not the real you, so it’s perfectly fine if, you know, the whole ‘bone daddy’ thing you got going on actually does it for me.”
“The freshest cream any soul has ever tasted.”
Because if this was a taste of what Hell was going to be like, maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t want to leave.
My jaw fell open as I stared at him in disbelief. Who was this guy that he’d risk angering his god? For what? Living pussy?
“Now hold still, and don’t be quiet. I want the entire castle to know what an insatiable slut our newest guest is.”
The stone walls were now inches from me on either side. Jesus Christ, what kind of Indiana Jones nightmare bullshit was this?
“How are you doing that?” I gasped in disbelief, my voice coming out ragged from all the screaming. “What are you? Monster Jesus?”
“All right,” the demon finally said after a tense beat. “I’ll save you, but you have to do something for me first.” I blanched. Was he fucking serious? “Um, I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m a little tied up at the moment. Whatever you want, we’re probably gonna have to raincheck it until after I’m not slowly sinking to my death. Kay? Thanks.”
“B-because I'm starving.” “For what, little thief? Food, or me?”
“Why ask for your grubby old boots back?” “Excuse you, but these are Doc Martens, pal. I spent a lot of money on these.”
When I handed the bottle back to him, he brought the glass to his mask’s mouth and ran his tongue over the rim, tasting where my lips had been.
If you had an internet connection down here, you could have a popping Only Fans account.”
“Oh, good. It’s the Lord of Assholes.”
You’d think I’d be jumping at the chance to be the queen of the dead. This creature, however, was evil, mean. He wanted to hurt me and draw pleasure from my pain.
eyeroll
“When I felt you enter Catherine’s tomb, I thought you were nothing but a rat in need of extermination, but in that dusty, old crypt, it was treasure I found.”
“You’re right, I don’t need your help. Ever since my dad passed away, and my mom kicked me out of the house at eighteen, I haven’t needed anyone. I’m not used to people helping me, but I want your help. If man-eating trees and snake monsters can’t kill me, neither will asking for help.”
I internally sighed—if only it was black.
please....shut the fuck up
I almost choked on my grape. What a way to die—not by quicksand or man-eating trees or speared on the cock of the biggest dick in existence, but by choking to death on a grape because someone asked a monster fucker about their reading preferences.
lmaooo
“It figures heaven is a library.”
“I don’t think it’s such an awful thing to exist in only a book, Rayven.”
freakin me outttt
“He sold his only daughter to death, so he could live forever? What an asshole. See, this is why I raid rich asshole’s graves. They have it fucking coming.”
“No…” Horror morphed into wicked glee. “He gave him eternal life and buried him anyway?”
Visions of all my trips to his grave came swimming back. I knew the gravesite better than I knew the man himself—the texture of the headstone, the intricate carvings around the edges.
A thought bloomed in my mind, and I toyed with it for a moment. Debating. Weighing the consequences. Before I could write it off as a bad idea—which it was a bad idea, a very bad idea—
“Maybe I’ll burn to ash and be reincarnated as someone who actually gives a shit about your little threats. You don’t scare me.”
“I don’t get you at all. I haven’t even seen your face, and I’m supposed to sell my soul to you?” “Not sell,” he said in a charged whisper that sent a thrill of electricity through my bloodstream.
