A Very No Strings Halloween (Very Holiday, #4)

by Kayley Loring

“You poor, stupid fucks,” I say to Nolan and Eddie. “I’m gonna have a relationship so stable you could keep horses in it.”

When the Animaniacs said, Hellooooooo, nurse! they were talking to Donna and only to her.

Oh, Donna. Poor Donna. Forced to wear panties and a tank top that’s now property of the Billy Boston Department of Erections. But that means they’re mine to do with as I please.

“Stella Artois,” Preppy Guy says, not looking at Billy because he’s grinning at Piper. “Oh, you don’t want a Stella Artois,” Billy says. That earns Billy the preppy guy’s attention. “I don’t?” Billy shakes his head. “Nah, too simple.” He grabs a beer glass and pours Stella into it. I expect him to do a crappy pour and leave it all foamy with a ton of head. But Billy takes as much care with it as he did my drink. When he’s done, Billy slides it toward Preppy. Preppy looks at Billy, bewildered. “That’s not Stella Artois?” “Nah, man. The secret is in the garnish. Oh right, I forgot.” Billy searches beneath the bar. “Where’s my cocktail stick? Oh yeah, here it is.” He pulls the baseball bat from beneath the bar and brandishes it at the preppy guy. “That’s a Stella Au Revoir. As in sayonara and get the fuck outta here and quit eyeballin’ underage girls!”

“Neighbor, huh? Is that like how they changed the word girlfriend to partner? Is neighbor the new shawty? Is she your boo thang?”

You wanna get married? I know a guy who wants to marry you. It’s me. I’m the guy.”