Fall Shook Up

by Piper Sheldon

Hot Girl Anxiety shouldn’t sound like the sudden need to use the restroom.

“I’m furious at Kevin. I hope he’s forever stubbing his toe on the bed frame and catching his pockets on door handles,” he said in his soft, cajoling tone.

“Okay. Okay. Stop trying to make me cry in front of strangers.” “God. Imagine having feelings and people seeing them,” he said with mock horror.

‘Hey, my boyfriend left me because he’s only driven by money and lost all the ethics he once had. But also, by the way, I’m fundamentally broken, so it’s probably my fault.’

“I-I think there’s just something wrong with me. Aside from all this.” I tossed up my arms to gesture wildly around my head. “I have this thing, it’s like this secret compartment I keep tucked away that makes me operate differently. From stories, I’ve heard that my mother was similar. I just never know when to quit. There’s a little voice that says, okay, stop now, but I ignore it and keep going. Like right now, for example.”

“It’s like I feel simultaneously too soft and too hard for this world. I can’t let people in but somehow still manage to feel hurt by them all the time,” I said.

“Sorry about that. Ripley’s a cuddle junkie. If she can’t get them from me, she gets them from the streets.”

“I know most people don’t understand my father and I being so close. Oh, good, I’m still talking. It’s because you’re being stoically nonverbal. It’s very triggering to me.”

He lifted his chin in a sort of acknowledgment before awkwardly looking away. We were basically besties.

Give me incredible wit or intense specified knowledge of one area of study, a skill set nobody else has, and I’m gone. Competence kink suited me.

I wondered how easy it would be to replicate that shape, how it would feel to run my hand over it, like testing the final sanding of any imperfections. She had none that I could see.

His arms banded tight around me; my ear pressed against his chest, listening to the solid and erratic beat of his heart. His large hand cradled my head, pressing me into him like he was also seeking comfort in the knowledge that I was okay and safe. His fingers stroked my soaked hair, soothing even as they snagged. And it all felt so right.

“Then we’re both playing tourist today too.” “More like the helpless being led by the clueless.”

“I really hate my brain sometimes,” she added. “I really love your authenticity,” I countered. “And your ex sounds like an idiot.”

Maybe most of us are just doing our best. We’re just a messy little collection of cells and matter given a conscience, and perhaps we’re doing okay with the chaos of the fact. Considering

“You carry an entire universe in you. Every time you speak, I’m excited to hear what you’ll say. You make me feel things in a way that I haven’t felt in years. You make me see the world in a different and exciting way.”

He swallowed audibly, squeezing my hand once before releasing me. Move over, Mr. Darcy and the hand flex. We had a new contender in town.

“I’ve wanted this for some time. I’ve wanted you. And I know that once I let go of this restraint, this thirst won’t be easily quenched. When I want something, I want it with my entire being. I don’t really half-ass anything in my life. When I finally have you, it’s going to be fully. Repeatedly. Ruthlessly.”

“All I want to do is fall to my knees and eat this dripping pussy until I make you come over and over and over.”

“Do they burn out? Or do they change their chemical makeup to something else? Fires demolish, but they also provide life, warmth, comfort, and protection.”

“There’s a bravery to that sort of blind feeling. It’s easier to rationalize and compartmentalize rather than feel.”

“Let someone with that sort of emotional intelligence guide you through, then? Let someone else have more knowledge in an area and be okay with that,” he suggested. “God, I don’t like any of this.” He chuckled. “Yeah, welcome to the club. Club human. It is a wild freaking ride.”

Pace stared at me blankly. “Do I think you should apologize for being a huge asshole? Yes, Levi. Yes, I do.”

There was good, humans were fun little silly things, and life was sweet. But maybe life just sucked. Maybe I needed a snack.

How could one pair of arms feel so much like a home I never had?

“I love you too. I love it here. It feels so right,” she said. “I’m glad you feel that way. You feel like home to me.”

“I promise,” he said. He held my gaze as he spoke. “I will always find you and bring you back to me.”

“Claire, some sort of magic drew us together, but it’s the commitment that will grow us into something beautiful.”