Fall Too Well

by Erin Branscom

Sometimes I wish he was on that little submarine that went searching for the Titanic.

“The smallest man who ever lived.” I bite my lip and nod, trying not to laugh at her song reference. And she’s not wrong. “That whole Taylor Swift album was like a dedication to your shitty marriage to little dick.”

And the fact that I love Everly so much, and then she has this cute miniature version of herself who runs around, hanging on every word when I teach her about horses. She has the same eyes as the ones I fell in love with all those years ago. How can I not want them both to be happy and have everything they deserve?

I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love Everly. Every little memory of her was like a million paper cuts to my soul. Everly is love. She’s the person who will always make me feel like she’s connected to me in every way. She’s like a piece of my soul, and I feel whole when she’s near me. I can’t remember a point in my childhood when she wasn’t a part of the memories.

Most days, the silence is so fucking loud

Who knew good friendship and red lipstick could change a woman’s life?

I don’t need to date. In fact, I’m in my old-lady era now. I work at a library. I bake, read books, and drink tea. I’m in bed by nine o’clock reading. This is my life now.

“Soulmates come in the form of friends, too. Sometimes it’s not about romance. It’s someone who makes you feel whole and who understands you the most when the rest of the world doesn’t seem to understand you at all. And for me, that’s what hurt the most. Losing Nash. I felt like he was my best friend soulmate.

You two are like magnets. You always fought and made your way back to each other.”

“How do you tell someone that they’re stupid in a professional manner?” I ask, trying to lighten the mood and make her laugh. She bites her lip for a moment, then smiles. “Knowledge has always been chasing you, but you’ve always been faster.”

One thing I’ve learned is that family isn’t always the one you come from. It’s the one that you make.

Everly has always been the right woman, wrong time.

“Hey, want to go steal your old car back?” “No. Richie would probably call the cops on me, and I’ll go to jail.” I snort. “And he’d enjoy that too much.” “What a dick.” “If the name fits,” I mutter

I sing “All Too Well,” Taylor’s Version, of course. Hayley sings along with me, and then she sings “Timeless,” which got couples dancing, and I could tell it made her happy.

“Nah, Rich. You can’t claim something you never really had. You know she’s always been mine.”

Nash turns and says, “Your ex and his family resemble cactuses. Full of pricks.”

“I don’t want this to be a temporary thing. I can’t take that.” “Beautiful, you’re nothing casual. You’re forever.”

“I’ve never had a type, Everly, ever. Just been chasin’ shadows who weren’t and could never be you. You’re my type. It’s only ever been you.”

Nash kissed me. Again. Teenage me would be freaking out right now. Twenty-eight-year-old me is freaking out right now.

Hayley looks over and says dryly, “Oh, look, a satchel of Richards just walked in.”

“Richie, I am the fucking table. You just don’t get that because you’re not even a fucking chair. Get out!”

She believed in us back then. It’s not that I didn’t. It’s that I just always knew she was special to me. And I didn’t want to mess it up. Because when you have something that special, you hold on to it with everything you’ve got and make sure you don’t ruin it.

Richard starts to interrupt, and I hold up my hand. “With as much disrespect possible, shut the fuck up.” I bite off the last few syllables as I glare at him, and he sits back down and sputters.

Tonight, we have a bachelorette party, and their songs of choice are mostly Taylor Swift.

“‘All Too Well,’” she says. “It’s one of my favorites. It’s what got me through when I lost you.”

“Do you want to get married?” she continues as she finishes her soup, watching me. “Weird way to propose, but yes,” I say

“Everly, I’d marry you right now if I could. Right fucking now. You’re it for me. Let me make that very clear. You and Willow are mine. Just as I’m yours.”

“Can you see us living here?” he murmurs into my neck. I look up at him and tip my lips to his, and when I pull back a little, I say, “I could live anywhere if it feels like home. And you feel like home, Nash.”

“What we have, people write fucking stories about. The way I feel about you is unmatched to anyone else.”

We’ve watched more episodes of Bluey than I’ll ever admit to anyone. And one of them almost made me cry. Almost.

One thing I know for sure is that sometimes family isn’t what you think it is. Sometimes it’s the people who show up when you really need them, and it looks different from how you think it will look.

Because sometimes family isn’t who you started with; it’s who you end up with.

I have been perusing all the local shelters and found one with two abandoned Australian Cattle puppies. I picked them up, and they’re back at my house and ready to surprise Nash and Willow. Those two are obsessed with Bluey, and I found them their very own Bingo and Bluey.

“I promise I’ll be a good kid.” “Willow, you’re a great kid,” I tell her, leaning down and kissing her head. “I’m so lucky that I get to be your dad.”