The Lilac People

by Milo Todd

Bertie looked at his passport again. Male, it still declared. He suddenly realized he wanted Sofie and Karl to promise him that they would burn him after he died. He did not want to be the next one noticed after death and plastered across the papers for sensation. He wished he could be more fearless, someone who would show his full self without hesitation. But if people could not be kind about it, would not be respectful, then they were not allowed to know. He wondered how many people like him had lived and died undetected. Surely for every one reported, there were ten others who slipped by. Maybe more. It all came down to your luck and your loved ones. He realized the rare gift he had just been given and how many people would have done what he had done and more to get it. He felt relieved. He felt lucky. He also felt sad. He noticed the man had spelled their new surname with only one n, and his new name of Burt with a u instead of a much-preferred e. Sofie was with a ph and Karl was with a C. Bertie had a mix of feelings well up inside him. He was surprised that some of them were bad. “I’ll never get to be Berthold Durchdenwald again,” he said. “And I never got to be Karl Fuchs. Not really.” Bertie was quiet. For the first time, he felt the loss in his heart. It was an ache deep inside. Through all these years, he had believed that one day he could be himself again. He had believed it possible, if only because to not have it would be too cruel. Only now the cruelty was he...