But I still didn’t have that mainstream appeal they were after, and it took me forever to figure out what they actually meant by mainstream.” Because it was also what the boys who dated me really wanted, even if they didn’t directly admit it. They’d whisper things like, You’re the first Asian girl I’ve ever been with, or, You’re so gorgeous—I can’t believe you’re Chinese, as if I was meant to feel special or grateful to be some kind of exception, and once their interest in me fizzled out, they would turn their attention back to the gorgeous blonde girls in our class. I looked nothing like
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