Out of Service (Woods Cop)
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Read between July 30 - August 23, 2025
11%
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She had said the very same thing after he shot the buck last year. When she had her first taste of fresh venison, she had held up her fork and announced, “Sorry, Mr. Deer, thanks for your food.”
28%
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Speak what we feel, not what we ought to say. —William Shakespeare, King Lear
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“Know what, Bub? Been so long since I slept with you, I can’t even remember what your snoring sounds like.” “A C-119 with untuned, failing engines, crashing into an airshow crowd was your most colorful word rendition of the sound.”
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His personal cell burbled again and he momentarily thought about crossing the street and chucking it off the grainy stone hill. There was no solitude anymore, no downtime, no uninterrupted time to think and work out problems and puzzles, nowhere to chill your brain and emotions and relish the pure liberty of not being bugged by the world buzzing around the self, his world it seemed, overwhelmed by telephones, intellectually toxic toys most humans thought of as happy-face tools that let them never have to be alone or confront themselves. They were toys, miserable toys, no less, no more and all ...more
72%
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“What can he do to make it legal?” “Secure a lease to the mineral rights from the owner, which up here almost always means the state. There are very few private mineral rights held anywhere in the Keweenaw, or in Ontonagon or Houghton Counties for that matter.”
75%
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I was out in the field catching guys with loaded guns and ganked deer in back, and I took their weapons, and sometimes their vehicles and stroked their asses on the spot, and if they had an illegal deer, I arrested them, and hauled them to the lockup myself. I didn’t write some damn report and wait to see if some snot-nose assistant prosecutor would have the balls to authorize an arrest warrant.”
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Lawyers seemed to have taken control in Lansing and we’re back to writing reports and submitting them to prosecutors for warrants.” “And you hate it.” “We’re going backwards,” he said. “Too many prosecutors are now weighing the politics before they weigh the law, and a lot of these young prosecutors are city kids who don’t know shit-all about the woods, and think DNR violations are minor-league trash, so they pretty much ignore them. Our young officers can make a great case, file a report, and wait months or longer. It’s like stroking a fly ball you won’t know for months will be caught, ...more
76%
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Badges still drink coffee or are you guys now addicted to wheatgerm-oatmilk nose-sprays?”
81%
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Text me as soon as you have a verbal handshake. That’s legally binding, right?” “Depends on the individual,” Chas Marschke told him.
Mike Heath
Not. Only signed written agreements are binding for a real estate transaction.
86%
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illegal deer, no license, shooting from a vehicle at night, the classic after-dark trifecta of stupidity.”