One in Four

by Lucinda Berry

“Because there’s pure evil in this world. I know that because I’ve seen it, and, well, everything in this world runs by the laws of science. If there’s pure evil, then there’s got to be pure good. That’s God.”

“You don’t like the treat? I made it especially for you.

The juice slid down my throat despite my best efforts. Cold. Thick. Syrupy. I recognized the sweet feeling of opiates almost immediately. The feeling in the back of my throat. Candy-coated dreams. And then sweet nothingness.

Noelle’s eyes widened, and her mouth formed a perfect circle as she cut into my right wrist like she was horrified by her own actions but unable to stop them.

Noelle dropped her razor blade as the blood spurted and let out an anguished cry as she backed away.

He was so mad. Practically fuming. Angry white boys—especially the entitled ones—were the scariest mammals.

That’s when Aaron stuck her with the needle. She didn’t know what it was, other than strong. She’d turned to mush almost immediately.

Another voice. Still male. “Okay, Haley said some girl, Laurel, is going to text her.” Laurel? Who’s Laurel? She didn’t know anyone named Laurel. Her head fell to the side when they lifted her arms. Slip sliding away.

“She’s not going to be identifying you to anyone. Only thing she’s going to be identifying is the dirt. What it looks like six feet under the earth.”

“Okay, she did it. Haley said she did it. That girl Laurel texted her what you told her to say. Now just put her phone in her hand. We’ll wipe everything down and get out of here.”

At what point do you realize you’re dying, and when you do, what does it feel like? Like, do you know you’re dying?

We’ve all had those thoughts. Those terrifying thoughts. Keep-you-up-all-night thoughts. Turns out, you do know.

I loved Noelle, and I forgave her. I looked at her one last time. She was the last face I wanted to see before I left this world. It didn’t matter that she was holding a razor blade. Or that she’d been the one to plunge it into my wrist and cut straight through the vein.

Except Noelle was gone now. She’d left me here. To die.

I wish everyone who’d lost a loved one knew this. It’s not scary, I promise.