One in Four

by Lucinda Berry

She wished she could talk to the loved ones of people who hanged themselves. She wanted them to know their loved one might not have meant to die. Maybe they just missed the mark. Maybe they just didn’t let go of the belt quick enough. That happens a lot. More than you would think. Belts tied around your neck can easily go wrong. It’s just that maybe by doing it, you find out you actually like it. That your body responds to it. Wakes up. Feels alive. Lifeblood coursing through your veins. You never feel more alive than in the seconds after you’ve almost died. Ask anyone that’s had the experience. She didn’t put the belt around her neck because she wanted to die. She did it because she wanted to feel alive. Has anyone ever thought about it like that? That’s what she’d explain to people’s loved ones if she could. Tell them they weren’t trying to die. They were just trying to feel alive.