Kindle Notes & Highlights
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April 30 - August 3, 2025
vulnerable entitlement can be defined as a stable and pervasive sense of entitlement that the person justifies by their past suffering or their self-perceived fragility.
On the one hand we feel like we’re worthless and broken deep down because we’re wounded. On the other, because we’re wounded, we feel that we’re special—entitled to special privileges precisely because of our woundedness.
Yes, something happened and it has affected me, and it doesn’t define me.
I have deep reservoirs of resiliency within me and can handle difficult situations.
I am not a victim to my feelings—I can learn techniques and strategies to regulate my emotions.
toxic agency (the idea that you can achieve anything just by lifting yourself up by your bootstraps) as well as toxic passivity (the belief that you are completely helpless and hopeless because your circumstances suck).
Life is sometimes unfair.
Life is ultimately unpredictable.
Why questions trap us in our past; what questions help us create a better future.”
“You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”
my definition of trauma is relatively broad: It’s anything that substantially violates our expectations of the world and causes a major shift in our worldview and perception of safety.
all too often, we engage in a false belief that our past experiences, our environment, or our genes necessarily dictate the entirety of who are and what’s possible in our lives.
“We should not allow fear to fade the song of our soul.”
When we feel uncomfortable or we’re challenged by our emotions, the deepest reason often boils down to some aspect of a loss of control. We just want things to go our way, to be predictable, and to follow an if-then set of rules whereby we can be guaranteed a specific outcome.
the very fact of an uncertain future means that your story is still being written.
most people interpreted neutral reactions as negative.
When your decisions are focused mostly or entirely on maintaining your self-esteem, that’s an indication that something has gone wrong.
people who have what he described as fragile self-esteem tend to have a whole host of issues.[52] For one, they tend to have a hostile attributional bias—they assume that any ambiguous or even slightly negative social interactions have malicious intent.
“Why is this happening to me?,” which is a question rooted in a victim mindset, we can ask ourselves, “Why the f*ck am I allowing this in my life?”
you have an inalienable right to experience joy, freedom, and belonging regardless of your specific contributions.
“Since I’m so nice, you must like me!” No wonder some people feel the urge to run away as fast as they can from intrusive helpers—that’s a lot of pressure.
STOP: Assuming that your partner is always right, and you are always wrong. If the excessive helper is always resigned to the idea that they are the “wrong one,” they will constantly feel guilty regardless of whether they are truly at fault. Allowing themself to be always wrong just so that the partner can feel superior and “right” will continually damage their self-esteem and limit them from taking risks, being creative, or trying new challenges where trial and error is essential and perfectionism will only get in the way.
own your errors. If your partner criticizes you for them, tell them firmly and clearly that you’re human, you’ve acknowledged what happened, and they need to get over it.
Machiavellianism (strategic exploitation and deceit), narcissism (entitled self-importance), and psychopathy (callousness, cynicism, and impulsivity)
High sensitivity is characterized by a blend of two traits—neuroticism and openness to experience.
Openness to aesthetics (sensual overexcitability): enjoyment and absorption in beauty and the arts
Openness to ideas (intellectual overexcitability): having a ravenous curiosity, passion for learning, and need to understand ideas and the reasoning behind arguments
Another common misconception is that high sensitivity is the same as introversion.
“If you catalogue your scars to use them as excuses or a bargaining chip to make life easier for yourself, you’ve missed an opportunity to become better and grow stronger.”
The most fortunate are those who have a wonderful capacity to appreciate again and again, freshly and naively, the basic goods of life, with awe, pleasure, wonder, and even ecstasy.[23] —Abraham Maslow
just because challenging things have happened to you, that doesn’t mean they have to limit you.
