No Tomorrow (All the Tomorrows, #1)

by Carian Cole

He’s like an eclipse—simultaneously dark and light, and not safe to look at for too long without suffering a burn.

“Did you also know in Norway, there’s a myth that if a man and a woman see a ladybug at the same time, they’ll fall in love and are destined to be together forever?”

Knowing he watches me makes my heart and stomach feel like I’m in an elevator endlessly riding up and down because someone has pressed all the buttons and the lift has no idea where to stop.

“Not many women can pull off sexy secretary and adorable girl next door. I like both.”

I realize if all it would have taken to lure me in was ice cream and a song I probably could have been easily kidnapped as a child.

“Tonight when you’re sleeping with your cat in the place you only like sometimes, close your eyes and you’ll hear the music. I promise.”

It’s not butterflies, exactly. It’s more like fireflies. A spark of light and heat fading into the dark. A quick feeling of ooh that I can’t wait to feel again.

having someone like you giving a shit about me is like winning the fucking lottery.”

I often put food and water out for stray cats and toss peanut butter cookies to our neighborhood squirrels. This is the same thing.

It hurts. It feels so good. I want it to stop. I want more.

Ladybug, It’s too late to run away. Come back. I miss you. A lot. ~ Blue

Being free became a new high.” He lifts my hand to his lips, and my breath hitches when he kisses the tiny ladybug tattoo on my wrist. “Now you’re my addiction.”

“As much as I love the sound of the rain, the moody gray clouds and the rainbows, the storms trap me. I can’t stand the thunder and lightning and all the wind. That’s when I need you the most. You’re like my own little sunbeam.” A weak smile touches his lips. “You chase the storm away.”

“She had this one cool little blue bird. I’m not sure what kind of bird it was, but it was much smaller than a blue jay. It used to sit on my shoulder and chew on my hair, and it would fly right to me as soon as he saw me. He was my favorite for years, and when he passed away, she made me the earring out of a few of his feathers. She told me it would protect me and bring me peace.”

The thing about being crazy is that it can slowly become normal before you even realize it.

“I don’t know how to love you, Piper,” he says roughly. “But I know I love you a little more every day.”

“My head is fucked with you. Every note, every word I write is haunted by you…” He unclasps my bra and whisks it off to cup my breasts in his palms. “All I can hear is your voice. All I see is your eyes. All I can feel is your body…”

I’m always afraid I’m going to wake up tomorrow and you’ll be gone.” “I promise to give you as many tomorrows as I possibly can.”

Ladybug, It was time for me to keep walking. Take care of Acorn for me. If you can, try to leave a space for me in your heart. I’m sorry. I love you like no tomorrow, little slayer. Don’t ever forget that. ~ Blue

He’s forced me to quit cold turkey and live without the high that being with him gave me.

“Remember this, he’s not going to buy the cow if he’s getting the milk for free. You have to make him work for it and respect it.”

“You have any experience taking care of kids?” “Yes, lots. I’ve been dating them for years.”

I’ve walked a million steps and none of them have taken me from you. I’ve written thousands of words and none of them capture you. I’m haunted by you, driven by you, madly in love and lust with you.

Sometimes, I do hate Blue, but I still can’t stop loving him.

For Piper, keeper of my heart, you’ll always be my ladybug. Don’t give up baby, I took a walk, but I didn’t run away.

These people surrounding me don’t know him. They know his voice and the sound of his guitar, but they don’t know what his lips feel like, what his whispers sound like, what his body feels like. They don’t know he agonizes over every note and every lyric. They don’t know how I listened and watched him with worry and love. They don’t know about ladybug myths and rain. I do.

You’re in my veins. You’re what makes me tick. You’ve heard the songs. You know I’m not getting over you.”

Women love musicians, especially sexy, dark, brooding ones like him. We’re inexplicably drawn to them, like chocolate or coffee or diamonds. We want to fix them. We want to be the one. The one to change them, the one to win their hearts and stop their wandering ways. The one who makes them forget all other women. We want to be the it, as he said.

He cups my face in his hands, gently wipes his thumbs across my cheeks and kisses me so soft and so deep, I swear he’s trying to crawl right into my heart. What he doesn’t realize, is that he’s already there.

I hug him tight, my lyrical, dark, beautiful love. And then I let go.

You want brutal honesty? I jerk off on one of the pictures you sent me and I come all over your face.” I’m totally horrified but also strangely turned on. “Oh my God! Isn’t that messy?” “Not really. I put it in one of those clear plastic sleeves. I bought a case of them so I just throw it out and put your picture in a new one every day.” “You are so twisted. I can’t even tell if you’re kidding.”

what we have is a real love. It’s dark, and ugly; raw and passionate. It brings pain and it brings happiness and everything in between. This love—our love—is a love that never dies. It withers in the dark and comes back to life again under bright moments even stronger than it was before.

“You’re the only one that’s ever looked past the dirt to see the flowers, Ladybug. That’s why I can’t let you go.”

I guess the choice for him is never between me or getting high—his choice is always to escape.

That’s why I can never keep my hands off you. Every touch of you is like a gift, something rare and precious I know I shouldn’t have.

I’d love to tell you to find someone to love you and be happy but I can’t do that, Ladybug. I’m selfish when it comes to you. You’re all I have and all I love and I can’t give you up. Try not to give me up, either.

You showed me heaven, baby, now I’ll show you hell.

I like how content he looks, and I like having him next to me. I feel safe, and comfortable. This is something I could see myself getting used to and being happy with. If I could forget Blue.

Little girls should be able to trust their fathers with all their heart and soul.

You’re still the same guy who makes me feel like I’m the only girl in the world.” “There are other girls out there?” he teases. “Nope. None.” “You’re the only one in my world, babe, and I’m gonna try like hell to make you want to stay in it.”

“I can’t wait to be in your bed. Maybe I can beg for your autograph,” I tease. “You want to role play, Ladybug?” His husky voice gets my pulse going. “I’ll write my name on every inch of you and then make you scream it when I’m pounding into you.”

I don’t know if it’s good or bad that I’ve been both his muse and his therapy. I suppose some might say that’s obsession and not real love.

I love seeing you asleep in my bed. You have no idea how much peace you bring me. You’re like an angel in my dark mind.

Rock star dating life, Reece said yesterday. The true test of patience and trust.

I want to be the parachute—the thing that will gently glide him safely through life.

“A long time ago I promised to give you all the tomorrows I could. I know I’m not supposed to make any life decisions, but fuck that shit, I’m making this one because nothing is going to change it. I know we can’t get married until I’m cool and prove I won’t slip up. But until then I want you to have this, so you know I’m dead serious. So you know you’re the one, you’re it, you’re my home.”

My heart doesn’t beat without yours.”

“I’m so sorry, Miss Karel. There’s no heartbeat. It appears the baby stopped growing at approximately nine weeks.” Three weeks ago, my tiny baby left me. I didn’t even know. How could I not know?

“You’re the one high I’m never gonna quit, Piper. I don’t care if we have five kids or we’re married for twenty years, I’m always going to want to get lost in you.”

She’s already fixed me as much as she possibly can. More than I thought she ever could. She’s the glue that held all my jagged cracks together, and I love her endlessly for it. Unfortunately, I’ve always known that eventually I’d break myself all over again and she’d be left with nothing but pieces.