I See You've Called in Dead

by John Kenney

(I should add that it wasn’t entirely out of the blue. On occasion, I write my own obituary. I know what you’re thinking. How is this guy single?)

Loved this quirky tone of voice

Yet another mistake (so many, really, though the hearing committee substituted the word felony for mistake)

LOL

“Yes, but that’s the quandary for me. I can’t imagine a complete lack of feeling.” “You should read your own writing.”

Love this incisive wit

“I’m worried for your job. Well, I’m worried in relation to myself, in that I don’t want this bimbo as your replacement.” “I feel bathed in love, Tuan.”

🤣

“I heard you were dead.” I couldn’t tell if he was kidding. I’m fairly sure he wasn’t. I wondered what the person on the call was thinking. I said, “You can’t believe the news these days.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m a little confused. I’m not dead. Or I am and heaven really sucks.”

Fabulous

I did this until my brother said I was “being an idiot.” Even then he had the earmarks of a career in finance.

How life went on. I didn’t want that. I wanted it to stop, for the world to stop, to recognize this death and this moment. Pay attention to this. They did, briefly. And then they didn’t, slowly filtering out, to their homes and lives.

I feel this intently

What no mourner ever said, what I wished they had, was the truth that this would be the day that would define the rest of your life. I would come to learn that much later.

So true

“You’re standing in a cemetery, atop the souls of hundreds of people. You’re middle-aged. You must have thoughts.” “I’m only forty-four.” “That’s almost fifty. The best years of your life a distant memory.” “You should be on morning TV. You have that upbeat vibe.”

Again with the incisive wit

“I read this thing. I think it was the ancient Egyptians. They believed you died twice. First when you died, and second when people stopped saying your name. So, then. Louise Stanley.”

Another profound one.

“Like, you knew him and isn’t that better than never knowing him even though he’s dead now?”

Truth