Wings of Starlight

by Allison Saft

“Pixie Hollow needs you,” he said quietly. “As warden, I have a duty to defend Pixie Hollow. That means protecting you.”

If only she had the wherewithal to argue with him…She would rail against him with everything she had. How could his own safety mean so little to him? But she’d been reduced to a captive in her own body, forced to watch as he sacrificed himself for her. It was the worst kind of torture she could imagine.

“Be angry if you must,” he said, “but I c...

Miserably, she understood she would do the same. What fools their...

“Go,” Clarion whispered. “Please.” He looked stricken. “I can’t.” He knelt at her bedside. “Not yet.” “Please. Milori.” She fumbled for something, anything, to sway him, but she had nothing. She could barely make sense of the sounds that had come out of her mouth. Through her delirium, she could see the sheen of sweat on his face. She could hear the healers shouting at one another. Clarion registered only fleeting sensations. Cool water at her lips. Glimmers of pixie dust. The prick of a needle.

“I needed to know if she’ll be all right,”

“You must leave now. Return to Winter before it’s too late.”

“Thank you.”

“She’d do the same for me,”

“She’s worth protecting.”

Maybe Elvina was right. If she cared for no one, if she’d kept herself removed as she ought, none of this would have happened. If Milori had left her on the border, the stars would have righted their mistake. Perhaps another star would have fallen that very night to replace her. Another fairy with golden wings, with a heart that matched her talent: one poised and practical, one who did not yearn for things she couldn’t have. Instead, he’d ensured Pixie Hollow would have her, in all her imperfections, for the entirety of her long life. She wanted to scream. She wanted to swipe the vials from the shelves and listen to them shatter. She wanted to turn back time—to do everything in her power to save him from his own selflessness. How could he have done this? No, how could she have done this? If anyone was to blame for this, it was her alone. She’d been selfish enough to pull him into her orbit. A queen was not meant to live among her subjects. She could not mingle and embroil them in things beyond the scope of their talents. She had always been destined to be alone. It was time she stopped fighting it.

“I saw so many ways that you were like me, but I saw many more ways that you were not. Experience had taught me many lessons, most of them hard-won and painful. I wanted to protect you from it. I did not want you to get hurt. You are precious to me.”

“The weight of a queendom is heavy, and our lives are long. And all the fairies you love will eventually fade away while you remain unchanged.

“It’s time to set you free,” she murmured.

In the end, nothing but this remained: twinkling motes of starlight, transforming what had lain empty into the endless brilliance of the night sky.

“Clarion,” he said, with some iron in his voice. “I don’t regret what I’ve done, nor do I blame you for what happened. I’d do it again if given the opportunity.”

She loved him. Perhaps she was always bound to, from the very moment she saw him standing on the border. How could she not? She loved his steadfastness, his kindness, even his reckless, selfless bravery. She loved his wry humor and his unshakable devotion to his people. She loved him because he had set her free, too. And yet, he had broken her heart. If anything happened to him, she would not survive it. And Milori, loyal to his very core, would throw himself in danger for her time and time again.

Love opened you up to too much pain. Love divided your allegiances, your priorities. For most anyone in Pixie Hollow, it would be acceptable, but for the Lord of Winter… It was too dangerous to love her.

Let this pain serve as a reminder of how desperately needed our separation is.

A love like theirs was ruinous. A broken wing was nothing compared to a broken heart. She could only hope that the pain of both would fade with time.

Noctua landed silently. When Clarion slid off her back, a quiet awe fell over the warm fairies. Clarion wanted to sink to her knees in the snow. She wanted to be alone, if only to allow herself to feel the full weight of what she had done. But her subjects needed her. With her shoulders drawn back, she stepped onto the bridge. And when she crossed into Spring, she did not turn around. If she did—if she felt that invisible tether between them snap taut, calling her back to his side—she might just change her mind. But this, she knew, was for the best. One day, she hoped she truly believed that.

Clarion’s chest constricted painfully. All her life, she had longed to hear those words. How sweet, to finally have the assurance she’d craved. Only, she was not so certain she deserved it. She had saved Pixie Hollow. She’d mastered her own magic. But she would live the rest of her life with the stain of her mistakes. How could she ever teach new arrivals to fly? How could she dare to unfurl their wings with the tenderness they deserved when she would always remember the ones she had broken?

Despite how broken and how wretched she felt, it was such a comfort to be held.

Clarion drifted off to the soothing rhythm of Elvina’s voice. She dreamed of snow and starlight. Of clear gray eyes, full of forgiveness she would never truly earn.

Her chest ached with a pang of loneliness—and something like joy, too. If she could not have happiness, then at the very least her friends deserved it. She would not resent anyone for having what she had denied herself. Her heart—and all her devotion—belonged to her subjects now.

Cheers and whoops echoed through the clearing. Clarion felt her heart lift to meet them. The fairies reached into sachets and tossed pixie dust into the air. A group of fast-flyers swooped from the branches, kicking up a joyful breeze. Gold glittered and swirled through the air. Clarion could only stare out at them with emotion lodged in her throat. She loved them all so fiercely. That love would be enough to sustain her.

Something pulled taut within her at the sound of her name. As though there were a tether binding them together, her gaze found his in the crowd. How rare it was to see him in the brilliance of the afternoon light. The sunstruck silver of his eyes transfixed her entirely. Everyone in the clearing had seconded him, bursting into raucous applause. But they sounded muffled in her ears, and everything but him faded away. It was as though she and Milori alone had been plunged into some private, shared world—one outside of time, shimmering like a dream. She could not take her eyes off him. She could not guard herself against the pride beaming out of him—and all the longing, too. She forced herself to return to reality, to focus on the happiness of this day. It was an incomplete happiness, when half of her remained where she could never reach. But right now, showered in the acceptance of her subjects, it was enough.

But as the sun dipped lower and fairies began to make their way back home, Clarion found her mood turning pensive—almost melancholy. There was still one last thing she had to do—the thing she dreaded most. Saying goodbye. Though their realms would work together closely, she and Milori would never again meet as they once had.

Dependable, as always—and devastating. His eyes were the brightest, clearest things she had ever seen. They pierced straight to the heart of her with his quiet, kind strength. Her heart gave a terrible lurch. She did not know if she would survive losing him. But whether they stayed together or not, she would lose him. One way or another, the stars would keep them apart. Best, then, to keep him safe from her.

It took all her strength to root herself in place, to not close the gap between them or throw her arms around him or beg him to look at her as he had only days before.

“What point is there in pretending?” He sounded absolutely wretched. “I have thought of little else but you since we parted.”

“Me neither,” she said. “You made me believe I deserved this, and yet, you have made me feel like I would give anything to be someone, anyone, else. I would give it all back if I could.”

“Please don’t say that,” Milori murmured. “You do deserve it. You are going to do incredible things, Clarion. You already have.”

“And yet, I will b...

“You will have all your subjects to love you. And even if I am not beside you, you will still have me. There will never be a star brighter. I will always love you.”

“As will I.”

She took his face in her hands and kissed him—briefly, selfishly, if only to commit him entirely to memory. The feeling of his lips, soft against her own. The way his breath hitched, no matter how many times they had done this. The pleasant chill of his skin beneath her touch. The scent of evergreen and crisp air. It brought her no relief when it felt so final—and so insufficient. This was goodbye.

“Remember to be free, Milori. No more haunting this bor...

He gave her the most heartbreaking smile she had ever...

Impossible, she thought. As long as she lived, she would never be free of him. There would never be another. No matter. As the Queen of Pixie Hollow, she could shoulder this pain alone. That much was her duty. Slowly, she stepped back from him. She let her hands slide ...

“Take care, Your ...

She did not trust herself to speak. When he turned away from her, a soft wind picked up. It danced through his hair and sent his new cloak billowing out behind him. She caught a bare glimpse of his wing. In the moonlight, it shone as bright and clear as a pane of shattered glass. Clarion stayed on the bridge until he vanished into the tree cover, until the clouds overhead gave way and gentle rain began to fall. She stood alone in Spring as the scent of petri...