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My feelings for Cam were like an earthquake and its aftershocks. When they started, they were big and overwhelming, and once the main event had passed—once we’d gone our separate ways—I’d learned to live with the way they still shook me up at unexpected times.
Dusty was my first everything, but not in just a first love way. He was my first real friend. He was the first person who cared enough to get to know me, who peeled back the layers I had drawn around myself and liked what they saw. He made me want to like myself, too.
Dusty kissed me again—he didn’t care that my mom was watching. “I’ll get you out of here someday, I promise.”
“Even months and years later, when something happened to me or I had something that I wanted to talk about, you were the person I wanted to tell. So I did. I wrote notes like I used to. I told you about my jobs and my life and, sometimes, I told you how much I missed you and how fucking annoying it was that you hadn’t faded from my mind or my heart—even a little bit. I knew I’d never send them, but I don’t know, something about it was just…comforting, I guess.”
“I haven’t stopped thinking about kissing you,” Dusty said again. This time, his gray eyes were on mine. “I think about it all the time, actually. I think there’s something wrong with me. “I think about you when I wake up and when I go to sleep. During the day, you just stand at the front of my brain, and I can’t shake it. When I’m with you, I don’t want it to end, and when I’m not, I just want to see you again. “Is it stupid for me to write this in a note that I’m going to give you in English class? Probably. But I like writing to you. I like that these are just ours…well, not anymore
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“I’ll love you until we’re dust, Camille Ashwood.”
You’re a privilege, Cam. Being in your presence is a goddamn honor.”
“You’ve always been a sure thing to me,”
“And I know it’s different, but if I had a second chance to be with the person who felt like the sun and rain and air and everything, I would take it without another thought.”
“Cam,” he breathed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the house. I know I should’ve. I know it was crazy for me to buy it five years ago with you in mind. I know the fact that I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen is kind of ridiculous, and I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. But, god, you are everything to me. You always have been, you always will be.
“This note says you love me,” I whispered. Dusty brought his hands up to my face and forced me to look at him. “I do love you,” he said. “I love you madly and deeply. I love you in ways that people don’t believe exist in real life. I love you for who you’ve been and who you are and who you’re going to be, Ash.”
“I’ll love you until we’re dust.” “Until we’re dust,” Cam said back, and I kissed her again. God, I never wanted to stop kissing her. “And even after.”
