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This one is for me—for the girl who had a dream and for the woman who made it come true. And for my mom, who taught me how to dream in the first place.
And who knows, maybe I’ll meet you at the Rebel Blue Ranch headgate again someday. Because nothing lasts forever, you know. Not even goodbyes. Welcome home.
As with nearly every large project, getting married required more than one person. But group projects had never been my strong suit. I didn’t like putting my fate in the hands of others,
But when I needed someone, my dad was nowhere near the scene. Amos, however, was always there when it mattered. Ever since the day Gus, his son, told him I was pregnant, Amos has treated me like another daughter.
I wasn’t sad because Graham wasn’t here and wasn’t coming but because I’d already given up so much of myself for this wedding, and now it wasn’t going to happen. I was sad about the complete waste of time and effort.
And jalapeño cheddar Cheetos.
“Ash?” a voice said. I straightened my spine. I’d know that voice anywhere. If I had slipped into a coma, it would wake me up. If I was six feet under, I’d dig myself out of the grave just to be closer to it, which was dramatic and startling and tragic and stupid. But it was true. “It’s just me out here,” he said. “The bar’s cleared out.” I’ll love you until we’re dust in the wind, Camille Ashwood. “I’m here, Cam.”
“Take me somewhere.” That’s what I said. Dusty squatted in front of me so his gray eyes were level with my brown ones and stretched out a tattooed hand. I took it without thinking.
“She’s not,” I said. Cam was stubborn, and she didn’t like to be at the center of everything. She liked the outskirts. The way people would rally around her now would probably make her uncomfortable—even though she deserved people showing up for her. That didn’t matter, though. Cam would prefer to disappear.
Cam was a prideful woman—not in a bad way. She just cared what other people thought of her—she wanted to be perfect.
Normally, when faced with silence, my head felt loud. It had felt loud all day. But right now, it was blissfully quiet.
“What’s the towel for?” she asked after a second. “In case you wanted to get your hair wet,” I said. Cam tilted her head in question. “Your hair…you don’t like it when it’s straight.” I shrugged. “I know you’ll say it’ll be frizzy or whatever, but the extra water and towel are there—if you want them.”
“You brought me to a fucking Chili’s?” Cam said with a shocked laugh. I smiled over at her as I cut the engine. “Sure did.” While we were driving, she took her hair out of its bun and ran water through the strands with her hands. Curls started to form almost immediately. She seemed so much lighter than she did a few hours ago. “This is so ridiculous,” she said. “You know,” I said, “there are very few things that a mid-range chain restaurant can’t fix—especially one with chips and salsa and a sizzling fajita situation.”
“Seafood Applebee’s. We should go there next,” I said. “I could fuck up a Cheddar Bay biscuit any day.” She nodded, and I laughed. She was loosening up.
“You didn’t deserve that.” Cam always thought everything was her fault.
“I don’t know…do I move?” Dusty smiled—the lopsided one that made my heart squeeze and my breath catch. “No, angel,” he said quietly as he brought his hands up to each side of my face. “I’ll come to you.”
“What about Papa?” “Yellow, I think,” she said with a nod. “Because he said he misses the sun and summer.” “That’s thoughtful, Riles,” I said.
It was little things like that, or the way she squealed when she ran, that made my heart swell up in my chest. To me, it meant that she felt safe and happy—loved. I never would’ve done any of that as a kid. When she talked constantly or danced in the kitchen without any sort of inhibition, I hoped that she never lost her joy.
“So,” she said, “what if you get something and I get something, and then we split it?” “Excellent idea, Sunshine,” I said. “What do you have your eye on?”
“Can I have a small vanilla steamer and a piece of the chocolate cake, please?”
I never wanted my daughter to feel that way. I wanted her to enjoy spending Saturday mornings with me at the craft store. I never wanted her to feel like we couldn’t share a brownie and a coffee cake or sit at a table and enjoy each other’s company. Personally, I can’t say I ever enjoyed my parents’ company, and I would guess they probably felt the same.
Like any parent, I had expectations for my daughter. I expected her to be kind and curious and hardworking. I had hopes for her, too. I hoped she would never feel unloved or disposable. I hoped she had dreams and that she was brave enough to go after them. But I never wanted the hopes and expectations I had for her to overshadow the hopes and expectations she had for herself. Because if I did my job right, she would have them, and they would be wonderful.
“Sir, yes sir,” I said with a salute and looked over at Cam, who was looking at her daughter with a hell of a lot of love. I hoped I wasn’t looking at Cam the same way.
When I felt her relax against me, I felt like I was holding the world. God, she turned me into a cliché motherfucker.
“It’s beautiful, Dusty,” Cam said. When I looked up at her, she was looking at me the way I had been dreaming she would since I came home. So are you, I thought.
He seemed even sturdier, unyielding, as if he was a ship incapable of sinking.
“I’m bored,” she said with a huff. “And I can’t reach the Fruit Roll-Ups in the pantry.” “A tragedy,” I responded. “Where’s your mom?” “She’s asleep in her office.” Riley sighed. My spine straightened. “Is she okay?” Riley nodded. “She was working. I think she got tired.” “You didn’t wake her up?” “She doesn’t wake me up when I’m tired.” Riley lifted her small shoulders in a shrug. “Can you come get me a Fruit Roll-Up?” “Yeah, kid,” I said with a nod. “Let me change my clothes, and I’ll meet you back there.”
She didn’t know what flavor she wanted, so I told her to let fate decide. I said the same thing to Riley now, and she looked up at me with big green eyes. “That’s what my mom always says!” I felt like someone had just kicked the back of my knees.
Riley scooted closer to me until she could lay her head on my chest. When she did, I froze. I wasn’t around a lot of kids.
“but I’m also not an idiot, so I know this isn’t worth getting worked up for.” I brought my hands to her face without thinking about it. “And next time you’re tired and you need a nap, you come get me, okay? And I’ll come sit on your couch with Riley. I’ve watched Riley’s village work for Gus, so let me be the part of it that works for you, all right?”
“No. You’re a privilege, Cam. Being in your presence is a goddamn honor.”
“Why am I mad?” he parroted back. “I’m not mad. I’m pissed. I’m pissed that after all these years, you still don’t seem to see yourself clearly. I’m pissed that your parents imprinted this ridiculous idea on you that love has to be earned and not just freely given. I’m mad that you were going to settle for a life you didn’t love because it was more convenient for you.
Then he got out of the car. I expected him to stalk away, but he didn’t. He walked around the front of my car, opened my door for me, and picked me up out of the car—still not letting me trudge through the snow even though I could feel his anger in his tense shoulders.
“You’ve always been so…forthcoming,” I said with a small laugh. “It used to make me nervous. I felt like I wasn’t worthy of someone so…sure about me.” “And now?”
The ball went straight into the goal. “Let’s fucking go!” I yelled and heard Gus’s victory cry next to me. Without thinking we grabbed each other’s hands and did one of those sports bro hugs. I don’t know what came over me. I heard Cam and Teddy laugh.
“I want you to be Rebel Blue’s lawyer,” he said. “I trust you, Cam. I don’t have the same knowledge and experience as my dad, and someday, it’s going to fall to me. I want to set Rebel Blue up for success before that happens.”
“Dusty Tucker is a good man,” Gus said again. “And you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known. It sounds silly now, but I’m grateful for the night that brought us together because getting to spend my life parenting Riley alongside you and Teddy…and Dusty…is going to be one of my greatest accomplishments.”
“Don’t put pressure on yourself to ‘fit’ into their lives. The Ryders—and I’m including Cam in that family tree—are experts at making room for people exactly as they are.”
“Anne’s kids wanted her to put it on the market because she couldn’t take care of it. They had a buyer lined up who wanted to try and get the permits to tear the house down and develop on it—condos or some shit—and when my mom told me, I knew I didn’t want that to happen.” “Why?” “Because it was your dream house,” he said. “Because every time I came home and I passed the turn that took me up the drive or when I parked here for a hike, I thought about you,
“Why did you rent it to me when Anne moved into the assisted living facility, instead of moving into it yourself?” “I couldn’t imagine living in it without you,” he said softly, rubbing his neck—rubbing the “A.” “I don’t know, Cam. I just wanted you to have it, I guess. I wanted you to have something that was your own.”
My heart softened for him. Wes loved Ada so loudly and so much.
“So you’re mad because your high school slash current boyfriend bought you a house and let you live in it when you needed a place to go?” “That’s a major oversimplification, Weston,” I asserted. “Sometimes these things are simple, Cam.” He shrugged.
“I think you need to talk to Dusty about the house thing—tell him that secrets like that won’t fly in the future. Talk about what it means for your relationship right now and in the future, but I don’t think you need to use this as an excuse to leave him first.” My head snapped toward him. “What did you say?” “It’s easier to be the one that leaves than be the one that gets left. I think you and Ada think similarly that way, but both of you have the same problem: You wait for the other shoe to drop, even though that’s never going to happen. Dusty’s putting down roots. You have roots already,
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“See? I told you that you were scared.” “How did you know?” Wes held his phone up for me to see. It was the message exchange between him and Ada. Wes: Cam is here. I think it’s about Dusty. Ada: I’m on my way home. Don’t let her talk herself out of him because she’s scared. The front door to their house opened then, and Ada stormed in. She was breathing heavily, and her hair was mussed. “Don’t you dare fucking give up on you and Dusty, Cam, I swear to god” were the first words out of her mouth.
“Be careful how much space you give her,” Amos said. “She needs some, but at the end of the day, it’s more important for Cam to know that she’s loved.”
“Something else I’ve learned? There is a time to let things go, but you also have to know when to hold on to something tightly. There’s value in clinging to it and not letting it get away from you. The bravest thing you can do when you love someone is work hard to keep them—to hold on to them with everything you’ve got—and even when you loosen your grip, you don’t let go.”
Even when you loosen your grip, you don’t let go. How could I show Cam that I wanted to be her anchor, her steady shelter in the storm, but I was never going to drag her down? I just wanted to be her true north, just like she had always been mine, the light that guided me home.
“Cam,” he breathed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the house. I know I should’ve. I know it was crazy for me to buy it five years ago with you in mind. I know the fact that I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen is kind of ridiculous, and I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. But, god, you are everything to me. You always have been, you always will be.
“I’ve always wanted everything with you, and I’m sorry that I got so many steps ahead, but I promise, I’ll give you as much time as you need. The house is yours. No strings. I’ll move out of here if you want me to. I want to do this on your terms, Cam.”
“I do love you,” he said. “I love you madly and deeply. I love you in ways that people don’t believe exist in real life. I love you for who you’ve been and who you are and who you’re going to be, Ash.”
