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“Ash?” a voice said. I straightened my spine. I’d know that voice anywhere. If I had slipped into a coma, it would wake me up. If I was six feet under, I’d dig myself out of the grave just to be closer to it, which was dramatic and startling and tragic and stupid. But it was true.
I’ll love you until we’re dust in the wind, Camille Ashwood.
I’m not normally a drown-my-sorrows type of guy. I don’t really have a lot of sorrows. Honestly, I probably have one single sorrow, so I’ve never really had much to drown. But that one sorrow packed a hell of a punch—especially today. Because, today, she was getting married.
Cam was an open wound, and time was salt.
“Where’s Riley?” “With Teddy and Emmy. Leaving her with them was the only way we could guarantee that they wouldn’t hunt Graham down and kick his teeth in.” They would, too. Emmy and Teddy weren’t a duo that you wanted to mess with—especially if they had a common goal. If they had their heart set on ruining that guy’s life, it’d be done by tomorrow.
“Where are you taking me?” I shook my head. “I’m not telling, but I promise, you’re going to love it.” — Almost exactly thirty minutes later, we rolled into a parking lot. “You brought me to a fucking Chili’s?” Cam said with a shocked laugh.
We got out of the car, and I had the urge to grab her hand as we walked toward the door, but I didn’t, of course. It was weird—before this morning, I hadn’t held her hand in nearly fifteen years, but reaching for it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
My feelings for Cam were like an earthquake and its aftershocks. When they started, they were big and overwhelming, and once the main event had passed—once we’d gone our separate ways—I’d learned to live with the way they still shook me up at unexpected times.
I felt it then, the hope ember starting to burn and glow in my chest again. That motherfucker refused to be smothered, and it was nearly impossible to ignore. Honestly, I didn’t know if I wanted to smother it—didn’t know if I could see the world without it being lit by the glow, but I knew my life would probably be a hell of a lot easier if it just went out.
I wished I was there. I wished a lot of things when it came to Cam.
“I can hear you thinking back there,” Dusty said. “What’s rattling around in your head?” “You,” I said honestly. “Anything good?” Dusty asked. “Not a single thing,” I lied. “All bad. Totally and completely bad.” “Liar,” Dusty said. I could hear the smile in his voice.
Dusty kissed me again—he didn’t care that my mom was watching. “I’ll get you out of here someday, I promise.”
Dusty smiled, and when he lifted up his old trucker hat to smooth his hair back before adjusting it on his head, I could only hope I wasn’t visibly drooling.
Dusty put a hand on my cheek and looked straight into my soul. “I’ll love you until we’re dust, Camille Ashwood.”
You’re a privilege, Cam. Being in your presence is a goddamn honor.”
“I think you’re going to have to enlighten me then,” he responded. “What are we?” “Friends.” I sighed. “We’re friends. Aren’t we?” “Ash, I tried friends. I really did. But friends don’t feel the way I do about you,” he said as he pulled me even closer to him. Our bodies were touching now. “Or the way you feel about me.” I could feel his breath on my face. “I’ve waited half a lifetime for you, Cam.”
“A mark on your heart and soul that refuses to fade, no matter how much time passes or how much you think you’ve changed.”
the most precious thing we have is time. There’s never going to be enough of it.”
“I knew it,” Ada muttered. “You don’t have a neck tattoo and a nose piercing and not be good. And don’t even get me started on his little cropped T-shirts.” “Oh my god,” I said. “You and Emmy need a spray bottle. You’re both feral cats.”
When I got out of my truck, I saw the soft, warm glow that was coming from Cam’s kitchen. I started walking toward it—like a moth to a flame.
A reminder that I was lucky enough that my first love also got to be my last.
“I’ve got you, Ash,” I said softly. “Permanent?” she asked. “Permanent,” I agreed.
Camille Ashwood was the love of my life. I loved her with every part of me.
“I love you,” I said. Was I about to cry? From the way my eyes were welling up, I would say yes. “I’ll love you until we’re dust.” “Until we’re dust,” Cam said back, and I kissed her again. God, I never wanted to stop kissing her. “And even after.”
Cheers to you and, of course, Rebel Blue.
Right now, though, all I wanted was the ground below me, the blue sky above me, the mountains behind me, and the horizon in my sight line.
