Wild and Wrangled (Rebel Blue Ranch, #4)

by Lyla Sage

“History is just one part of that analogy, Cam. Sure, you’ve got the sun and the storm clouds, but what about the dirt under your feet? The rain on your skin? Fresh air in your lungs?” The fresh air in my lungs. “So if everything about you and Dusty is starting to feel bigger, maybe that’s because it is. It’s not just about your history anymore because you’ve started to build on and around it. Your history is still part of this picture, but it’s less important than where you are now. There’s a reason that rearview mirrors are small and windshields are big.” I dropped my head onto my forearms and sighed. “You’re very wise,” I mumbled into the table. I felt one of Amos’s weathered hands rub at my shoulder. “That’s what they tell me,” he said, and then he tapped on my head a few times. I lifted it, so I could look him in the eye. The gleam in his eye was gone. Now, he looked almost somber. “And I know it’s different, but if I had a second chance to be with the person who felt like the sun and rain and air and everything, I would take it without another thought.” I put my hand over the one that was on my shoulder. “It is different,” I said quietly. “But it all comes down to the same thing,” Amos said. “A mark on your heart and soul that refuses to fade, no matter how much time passes or how much you think you’ve changed.” I thought of my “T” tattoo, Dusty’s physical mark on me. But Amos was right; this mark went a lot deeper. Amos continued: “People, and our feelings for them,...

“Are you going to tell me to carpe diem or some shit?” “Yes,” Amos said. “I am. You have time, Cam. Don’t waste it. Stop letting your past hold you back.”

“Cam,” Gus said. “Can you help me with this?” Cam laughed. “Riley’s curls: eight thousand. Gus Ryder: zero.” Cam took the seat behind Riley and kissed her on the cheek. “Your dad never gets better at this, does he?”

“When the wedding didn’t work out, I felt like my life had been turned upside down—like all of the pieces of it that I’d picked out so carefully were just shaken up and thrown in the air, left to fall where they may. But now…I think they were all falling together. “I have this beautiful house to raise our daughter in. I have our family. I have a life that’s mine, and I have somebody who…cares about me. Deeply.” “Cares about you deeply?” Gus asked. His smile was poking through. “I’m not sure, but I think there’s a word for that.” “I know,” I said. “And we’re there.” Permanent. “You deserve that—to be happy—and you deserve a partner, Cam. A real one. Someone who can support you and get you gas and help you with Riley, and can love her the same way we do. “I didn’t realize how much I needed and wanted something like that until Teddy, and I just…I’m really happy for you if you’ve found it, too. I know I can be a bit of an ass, but I guess what I’m saying is that you have my approval—even though you don’t need it. I just know how much it meant to me when you gave me yours.” “Gus…” My voice was a little shaky. “That was a hell of a speech.” Gus laughed. “Yeah, I practiced it a few times. Teddy gave me some notes.” “I’m sure she did.” “But, really. Cam, Dusty is a good man. He’s a hard worker. He’s loyal and kind, and he’s been looking at you the same way for fifteen years—like he would do anything for you. I know that if he got the chance, he would extend that to our daughter, t...

“I bought the house five years ago.” He sighed. I folded my arms across my chest. “I got that part.” “Anne’s kids wanted her to put it on the market because she couldn’t take care of it. They had a buyer lined up who wanted to try and get the permits to tear the house down and develop on it—condos or some shit—and when my mom told me, I knew I didn’t want that to happen.” “Why?” “Because it was your dream house,” he said. “Because every time I came home and I passed the turn that took me up the drive or when I parked here for a hike, I thought about you, and I didn’t want to lose that. But also because I’ve watched places like this disappear around the world, and I didn’t want that to happen to this house. “So I called Anne, and told her I would buy it—that I would pay for someone to come and do the maintenance that she couldn’t do anymore and that she could live here as long as she wanted.” “And she said yes?” I asked. “And she said yes. She didn’t really want to sell, but her kids and grandkids had moved all over the country, and they couldn’t help her, so selling was the compromise. Me buying the house worked for her, and it worked for me. When I decided to come home, I knew I’d have the cabin to go to, and I would get a chance to do a lot of the maintenance myself.”

“Why did you rent it to me when Anne moved into the assisted living facility, instead of moving into it yourself?” “I couldn’t imagine living in it without you,” he said softly, rubbing his neck—rubbing the “A.” “I don’t know, Cam. I just wanted you to have it, I guess. I wanted you to have something that was your own.” “But this isn’t mine.” I gestured around the house. “I just went from being trapped in one situation with a man to another.” “That’s not…” Dusty’s nostrils flared. “That’s not fair, Cam. I wasn’t trying to trick you or trap you, I was trying to help without being weird and invasive. I didn’t know we were going to rekindle things. I mean, I hoped that we could maybe try, but that wasn’t the point of me renting you the house.” “Were you ever going to tell me?” “Of course I was.” He ran a hand through his loose blond hair. “I just didn’t know when or how. I was going to do it earlier, but then we started picking things up, and I just wanted us to be stable—whether that was as friends or more.” “So when I asked you how you ended up in the cabin, you didn’t think that was a good time to bring it up?” “No,” Dusty said. “I really didn’t.” I felt overwhelmed. I felt mad and sad and frustrated, and I didn’t want him here. I didn’t want to be around him. I needed space. “I need you to go,” I said calmly. “Cam…” Dusty tried to reach for me. “You should go. Just leave. That’s what you do, isn’t it?” “Please don’t say that, Ash. I came back…for you.” That’s when I deliv...

“Well,” I said, “it’s not really going well anymore. I found out this morning that he bought the house I’m living in like five years ago, and he didn’t tell me.” Wes blinked slowly. “And this is a bad thing because?” “Because he lied about it. Because that means it’s not really mine, and I truly still don’t have anything of my own, and the house that was supposed to be my fresh start actually came with its own baggage.” “Okay…” Wes replied slowly. “But you’re renting it anyway, so it wouldn’t have been yours either way, right?” I worried my bottom lip. “That’s not the point. The point is that he let me believe that Anne owned it this whole time even though he did. Plus, he knew how much I loved the house, so I don’t like that he bought it with me in mind.” “Do you know he did?” “He said that wasn’t the only reason but that it was one of them. He said he didn’t move in because he didn’t want to live there without me.”

“So you’re mad because your high school slash current boyfriend bought you a house and let you live in it when you needed a place to go?” “That’s a major oversimplification, Weston,” I asserted. “Sometimes these things are simple, Cam.” He shrugged. “Obviously, I don’t have the whole story from either of you, but, I don’t know, this feels like a hiccup, not a relationship altering or ending situation. “Should he have told you about the house? Definitely. I think it would’ve been better for him to be up front when he agreed to let you rent it. But if he did tell you, would you have moved in?” I didn’t know the answer to that—probably not. I was so afraid of getting close to him then. Wes must’ve seen the look on my face because he kept talking. “I get wanting to have something to call your own—I really do, Cam. And I know there’s a lot of other stuff wrapped up in that feeling—especially after what you went through. But I’ve also been the person who’s just trying to show the scared and fiercely independent woman how much he loves her. And sometimes”—he smiled—“it doesn’t go according to plan and you end up scaring her instead of winning her over.” “I’m not scared,” I said. “I’m mad.” “So you can tell me with one hundred percent certainty that the combination of Dusty buying that house because of you, then spending more time with him again, and the potential of a future where you’re together and happy doesn’t scare you even a little bit? It just makes you mad?” “You’re takin...

“Cam.” His face was thoughtful, his voice earnest. “I love you. You’re like another sister to me. When everything happened on your wedding day, I was sad for you, but I also kind of felt…relieved. Like I didn’t have to pretend that I was okay with you settling for less than you deserved anymore.” I swallowed hard. “But the thought of you and Dusty finally finding your way back to each other after all this time and letting this get in the way of that breaks my heart in two. “I think you need to talk to Dusty about the house thing—tell him that secrets like that won’t fly in the future. Talk about what it means for your relationship right now and in the future, but I don’t think you need to use this as an excuse to leave him first.” My head snapped toward him. “What did you say?” “It’s easier to be the one that leaves than be the one that gets left. I think you and Ada think similarly that way, but both of you have the same problem: You wait for the other shoe to drop, even though that’s neve...

“I know you’re a hard worker, Dusty, I see it every day, so what are you going to do to make sure Cam doesn’t get away again?”

Ash, I’m so mad at you for leaving, but I hope you found your home. I haven’t found mine yet. Dusty

“Cam,” he breathed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about the house. I know I should’ve. I know it was crazy for me to buy it five years ago with you in mind. I know the fact that I’ve been in love with you since I was seventeen is kind of ridiculous, and I know you’re mad at me, and you have every right to be. But, god, you are everything to me. You always have been, you always will be. “I don’t even remember what my life was like before you were in it—I don’t even think I want to. It killed me when you left, but I don’t know, I just felt like it was the right thing to let you go, but I never let go of hope—hope that we’d find our way back to each other after it all and hope that I’d have the opportunity to never let you go. I feel like I’ve spent fifteen years preparing for this moment, when I could tell you that, without a doubt, I want to be with you forever. I want to wake up with you every day. And that means that I also want to be part of Riley’s life. “I want to go to Riley’s soccer games and carry her to bed when she falls asleep on the couch.” My breath was shaky as I exhaled. “I’ve always wanted everything with you, and I’m sorry that I got so many steps ahead, but I promise, I’ll give you as much time as you need. The house is yours. No strings. I’ll move out of here if you want me to. I want to do this on your terms, Cam.” “This note says you love me,” I whispered. Dusty brought his hands up to my face and forced me to look at him. “I do love you,” he said. “I lo...

“Everyone here knows that I’m not really a big words guy, but I am a big Clementine Ryder guy, so we’ll see if I can pull this off.” I breathed a laugh. “Emmy,” he said. “When I was thinking about what I wanted to say to you today, I didn’t feel like there was anything I could say that would convey how much I love you—how deeply everything I feel for you runs. And, honestly, there isn’t, but there is this: I feel like my whole life has been about making the decisions that would lead me to you. “And I would make every mistake, take every wrong turn, endure every hard day over and over again to end up right here with you. I used to think about how lucky I was to have ended up in the same world, at the same time, as you, and I still do, but now I think about how lucky I am that you are my world. “Because of that, I have some promises that I want to make to you, sugar.” Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes now. “I promise to have breakfast with you every morning because we both know that sometimes I can’t make it to dinner. I promise to always be your big spoon and to sing loudly with you in the car. I promise to keep you warm. I promise you adventure, and I promise you stability. I promise to look at you the way you look at the sky, and I promise to love you in this lifetime and the next. “I love you, Clementine Ryder and being your husband will be the honor of my life.”

“Your vows were better than mine, and I do give you full permission to bring that up for the rest of our lives,” I said. The way Luke smirked down at me then made me feel like my insides were liquid. “I love you, Luke Brooks. I love you so much that sometimes it makes me feel crazy. I love you in a way that spans time and universes. I love you enough to not think that your homemade muscle tees are douche-y. I love you so deeply that I feel it in my bones when you breathe and in my lungs when you smile. “And all I want to do right now is kiss you and start the rest of our lives together.” Before I could second-guess it, I threw my arms around his neck and crashed my lips onto his. Teddy cheered behind me.

“What if I asked you to jump in the spring right now?” “I’d do anything for you, wife,” he said with a kiss to my cheek, forehead, and then my nose. Wife. So, I turned. And started to run toward the spring, and Luke ran beside me. “It’s going to be cold as shit,” he called over the sound of the waterfall as we got closer. “Good thing you promised to keep me warm,” I called back with a laugh. And then we jumped into the water. Together. Like we would be forever. And always.