Pounded by Produce

by G.M. Fairy

Praise the Lord for whatever the heck is going on right now, because God do I fucking love being a cucumber.

I would rather be a cucumber than a human because I am more myself than ever before.

Did I really think I could be in a relationship with two priests who sometimes turn into vegetables? I should be euthanized. Seriously.

It’s like we're all sucked into the same black hole, and there’s no chance of escaping—like we’re made for each other. No. That’s crazy. I’ve been reading too many romance novels.

If someone told me that they were about to run off to be in a polygamous relationship, I’d roll my eyes and cringe, but my brain has been rewired, along with my organs being rearranged. I’m basically a new person now.