Pounded by Produce

by G.M. Fairy

Father. Fuck me. I knew there would be priests, but hot priests? What kind of rom-com is this?

Ahahaha

The begging was my favorite.

Their love story seems poetic and tragic—like Achilles and Patroclus but adding me to the mix makes it seem like some corny smut novel.

“I’m here to worship you, Emily. You are a goddess at the altar.”

She clenches her fist. “Robert, you were a tomato I rubbed myself off with. Be so for real right now.” She turns away from me, her arms over her chest.

HAHHAA

Gail stands in the doorway behind me. Her hand covers her mouth, and horror masks her face. Nobody turned into a vegetable, but this is much, much worse.

OH NO

He straightens himself and walks past me. “Robert, I love you,” I yell, and he stops at the door. “Don’t do this to me. I love you. I will love you no matter what form you take. Man, priest, tomato, even in death, my heart will beat for you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”