The Deviled Egg Made Me Do It

by Holly Wilde

Like Humpty Dumpty, my life was so shattered that all the king's horses and men couldn’t put it back together if they tried.

A massive egg-man with horns breezes in from the hallway.

“Damn, girl! Your ass is so fine it jiggles even more than that weird jelly thing your aunt brings to holiday meals.”

“Shell them? But I hardly know them!”

“These hands are magic, baby. Just let me know the time and place and I’ll show you myself.”

tease. I look up at him and take him in. He’s handsome, for an egg. Round features with full cheeks that dimple when he smiles. Succulent lips rest just above a softly squared jaw. Large eyes of shamrock green look down at me, betraying every thought crossing his mind. And right now, it’s clear he’s thinking about the way I’m studying him.

Let's get the rest of these eggs naked

It’s all in my secret sauce,

His touch is tender as he pulls me in front of him. Wrapping his arms around me, he places his hand over mine. Damn, he really does have magic fingers. The way his hand guides me through the process is just easy. He has such a naturally relaxed way of moving through the world. Being pressed up to him like this feels so comforting. Even his scent, herbal with a hint of spice, is cozy and inviting. I lean into him more, allowing myself to forget the time crunch and just focus on the egg crunch.

scrambling my brain

part of me was scared he would taste sulfuric or curdled. In reality, his kiss is warm and salty, like creamy fresh mozzarella.

The cracking sound is louder now, and I look at Damien to see what it is. The piece of shell I was holding earlier is starting to come apart again. It’s clear to see why, there’s a tenting bulge pressing against the shell in search of freedom. My egg man is ready to get fully undressed, and show me just how hard boiled his body really is.

This monster is the most masculine man I’ve seen in a while. Muscles carved from a diet of lean protein are covered in curls of green hair that smell like chives. Because they are, and I just can’t wait to run my fingers through the tufts covering his chest. Like a living Easter egg, the bold stripes, zigzags, and

polkadots swirl around his rotund bulk in vibrant hues of pink, yellow, green, and blue. Tattooed pecs and biceps flex as he strokes his lower half, a horned cock covered in designs as intricate as the ones on his body.

Mesmerized, I watch his hand wrap around a dick that’s as thick as a baguette and nearly as long. Beating the beastly thing like he’s making an omelet, he strokes down to the tuft of pubic herbs before squeezing back up. The egg-sha...

“Shelby Screams Dirty Things with My Tail in Her Ass.”

There are about half a dozen eggs filling my ass when we start, but each time Damien pulls his cock out, a few eggs plop out as well. I feel like a chicken in a time warp the way I lay the oval bulges before sucking them back in.

He’s so fucking hot looking down at me like he wants to murder my pussy.

There’s no doubt that right now I’m his to fuck until I fall apart and crack.

His fingers join the fun, strumming against my clit while he stuffs me like a holiday bird.

Just when I think it can’t get any better, he flips me over like a spatula on a frying pan.

feeling the tickle of chive and dill against my skin as he sinks balls deep. His herbal pubes soak up my juices and release a fragrant scent into the air. The smell of our lovemaking is pungent and savory. I breathe it in as I suck for air between his penalizing thrusts.

that he’s a bad egg through and through, and I love him for it.

“CLUCK CLUCK,”

Yellow and thick, his release pipes out of his tip, creating a beautiful cascade of cum. The waves and swirls of whisked yolk decorate my body like a fine dining demonstration. His blast is strong enough to reach my face, and I dart my tongue out to taste him. Creamy and spicy, it’s the most decadent thing I’ve ever dined on.

looks sunny side up

but I definitely dipped a fingerfull or two into my mouth just to taste him again.

I look over and see Damien filling the last one with his secret sauce. Squeezing the tip of his cock, a charming little flower of filling swirls into the boat. Setting it down beside the rest, he takes a pinch of paprika and sprinkles the spice effortlessly onto the top. The final touches have him reaching for my kitchen shears, which he uses to clip a bit of chives from the space just above his balls.

“So, what’s in this secret sauce? I’m pretty good at discerning flavors, and I’m curious if it’s nut-based.”