The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

The 5 Second Rule taught me that action is the answer. Thinking about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

“No, I learned everything the hard way—by screwing up my own life and then having to fix it.”

I was spending too much time and energy managing or worrying about other people.

The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people. And yet, you live your life as if you can.

Don’t waste your energy chasing someone who’s already left. Focus on what you can control: processing your emotions and reminding yourself that you deserve someone who treats you with respect.

Or the decisions I made because I didn’t want to disappoint someone else.

When you’re an adult, your life, happiness, health, healing, social life, friendships, boundaries, needs, and success are all your responsibility.

Every situation will be different based on how you feel, what’s going on in your life right now, how much time you have, how important the issue is to you, what your values are, and what the most effective approach is.

And if it doesn’t matter enough for you to get involved, then stop complaining about

The truth is, people will have negative opinions about you and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change this fact.

When you navigate your life trying to predict what people are going to think and say about you, you give your power away.

Instead of fearing other people’s opinions, you are just going to allow them to think what they want. In fact, I recommend that you assume people will think negative thoughts about you. Because people do have negative thoughts about you.

And by the way, people who love you think bad thoughts about you . . . every day! I have bad thoughts about the people I love every day!

And that right there is the secret. When YOU are proud of yourself, you hold all the power.

Change can be really hard to accept. Especially for the kids who are being forced to just accept this change and operate as one big happy blended family.

Don’t ever forget that stepchildren, in particular, need understanding, grace, and compassion from you. They aren’t just learning to accept a new adult in their life; they are also grieving the loss of the family they wanted. This is NORMAL.

All it takes is one person to change the way they show up in a family, and the entire system can change for the better. And that person is you.

And one more thing to understand is that whenever you or another person are hungry, or tired, or stressed-out, or under the influence, or lonely, or angry, or hurt, you’ll be even more emotional. I say this because whenever I do or say something I later regret, there is usually stress, alcohol, or hunger involved.

“The truth is you don’t have to be special. You just have to be what most people aren’t: consistent, determined, and willing to work for it.”

There are three factors that I believe make great friendships possible: proximity, timing, and energy.

It also takes bravery to see that someone’s not interested in you. It takes confidence to remind yourself that texting you is easy—but if they truly wanted to see you, they would be making plans.

The hard part is you can’t control whether or not another person chooses you. You can’t control whether or not the timing of your life lines up with the timing of someone else’s.

“If someone likes you, you’ll know, and if they don’t, you’ll be confused.”

And here’s how you know you’re chasing it: You’re the one that is always texting, calling, and reaching out. You believe the drunk hookups are leading somewhere special. You try to be near them all the time, hoping they will fall for you.

You can’t get so attached to “making it work” that you keep chasing something that you know isn’t the right fit.

One question that you can always ask yourself to snap out of the dating fog is: If your best friend were being treated this way, what would you tell them?

Let Me remind myself that I don’t want to be dating someone who is not choosing me back.

If you are always finding yourself trying to date the person who is unavailable or can’t commit, chances are it is not as coincidental as you think. You are probably attracted to people who you think you can change or win over, or who are unavailable because they are with someone else or just emotionally unavailable.

Are you dating people who never commit? Are you the girlfriend before they meet their wife? Are you dating people you don’t fully trust?

“Are these table scraps what you’re willing to accept, or are you looking for a five-star meal?”

First, they both wanted the relationship to work. And they were both willing to do the work to make it better. Second, the issues that created problems did not require either person to give up their dreams or compromise their values.

There is no perfect person. Everyone has past issues. Everyone has baggage. And the older you get, the more baggage you have.