The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

Maybe you’re doing that right now. Waiting for the right time. Waiting to feel ready or a little less afraid. Waiting for someone to come along and tell you that today is the day to start. The problem with waiting is no one is coming. The only permission you need is your own.

When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and start living.

Any psychologist will tell you, the more you try to control something you can’t, the more anxious and stressed out you become.

When you are an adult, your social life is your responsibility.

And as the famous saying goes: Your silence can’t be misquoted.

Focusing on what you can’t control makes you stressed. Focusing on what you can control makes you powerful.

Online you are afraid to look bad and at work you are afraid to sound bad. You’re afraid of what other people will think if they see the real you.

The average human being has about 70,000 thoughts a day.

Just because someone has a negative opinion doesn’t mean they feel negatively about you as a whole.

When you let the fear of what people might think dictate your choices, you limit your potential and hold yourself back from pursuing what you truly want.

Other people’s emotional reactions are not your responsibility to manage.

Too often in life, when you’re in that dilemma, you choose to inflict the pain on yourself instead of making a decision that you know is right for you but is going to be painful for other people to accept.

Never let someone else’s emotional reactions keep you from making the hard decision.

This is what psychologists call upward comparison. Upward comparison is this tendency to measure yourself against people and their attributes that you think are better than yours. Research shows it destroys your self-esteem.

“Success is about putting in the reps.”

The famous quarterback Tom Brady recently said about success, “The truth is you don’t have to be special. You just have to be what most people aren’t: consistent, determined, and willing to work for it.”

The reason why it is hard to navigate adult friendship is that when you reach your 20s, friendship changes from a group sport to an individual one—and no one understands this.

adult friendship isn’t something that happens. It’s something you create.

By going first, you create a connection that has a huge impact on your well-being and happiness. And it is often overlooked. Researchers say the kinds of people you sit next to at the coffee shop, or stand next to in the elevator in your building, are not strangers—they are “weak ties.”

I’d rather have an awkward moment than continue to feel lonely. And I know you would too.

Good friends make you happier, healthier, and bring your life meaning, and friendships are one of the things you’ll cherish most as you go through your life.

People only change when they are ready to make that change for themselves. Stop punishing them for not changing on your timeline. Stop trying to “motivate” them into doing something they clearly don’t want to do.

People only heal when they are ready.

The first step to changing your life is taking responsibility for the fact that your life isn’t working.