The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

Thinking about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

Buddhism and Radical Acceptance teach that suffering comes from resisting reality.

Detachment Theory teaches us how to emotionally distance ourselves from situations that trigger us.

True power lies in our response.

Second—and this is the most important point—don’t be the person who bends over backward to make everyone happy. I used to be that person. It left me depleted and feeling like nothing I could do was ever good enough. Now that I know the Let Them Theory, I bend over backward to make myself happy. Let me explain.

Someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions that you make. Don’t ever let it be you that’s disappointed.

Family has had opinions about you since you were born. They have known you the longest. They feel entitled to their opinions because they think they know what’s best for you. (Which is typically also what feels best for them.)

It’s time to stop being manipulated by someone else’s guilt, anger, or disappointment. Other people’s emotional reactions are not your responsibility to manage.

that “hoping someone will change is what keeps you trapped in a relationship with someone who is emotionally immature or worse, emotionally abusive.” This

Instead of expecting other people to change, demand the change of yourself. Hold yourself to a higher standard and stop allowing this type of emotionally immature behavior to be your responsibility to manage.

Because until this person does the work to build the skills of emotional intelligence, they will always pull the silent treatment, play the victim, or be passive aggressive. This isn’t a personality trait, it’s a pattern.

END your bitching or END the relationship.

You are in a standoff on the issue and you can either live with this or you can’t.

You have to choose to end your bitching or end the relationship.

Can you stop complaining about this issue, for real? Can you stop griping to yourself, holding it over their head, and acting in a passive-aggres...