The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

Problem: Pressure doesn’t create change; it creates resistance to it. You are acting with the best of intentions, but it is yielding the worst result. Every time you pressure someone, it pushes them away. You are not only straining your relationships, you are fighting against the wiring inside someone’s brain and body. You think the tension and frustration are due to the fact that the other person won’t do as you wish. You are wrong. The tension and disconnection are being created by your pressure. Truth: Adults only change when they feel like changing. Human beings have a hardwired survival instinct to be in control of every aspect of their life. Anytime someone feels like they are being forced to do something, they will fight back—and you will find yourself locked in a battle for control. What human beings want is to feel acceptance and love. They need to be in control of their own thoughts, actions, and decisions. Your power is in your influence. Solution: Using the Let Them Theory, you will leverage the laws of influence to unlock someone else’s intrinsic motivation to change for themselves. By using the ABC Loop to ask open-ended questions, model behavior change, and celebrate progress, you use your power to influence change in other people. The key piece of this is creating the space for someone else to believe the change is their idea. Not yours.