The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

The problem with waiting is no one is coming.

Learning how to push yourself to take action when you are afraid or full of self-doubt or overwhelmed with excuses is a life skill you can learn. Once you master it, you’ll understand that you can achieve anything through small, consistent moves forward.

You’ll never feel ready to change your life. One day, you just get tired of your own excuses and force yourself to do it.

You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.

So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. And the truth is, if somebody else—a person you’re dating, a business partner, a family member—if they’re not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change.

We even impose our opinions on friends, believing we know better than they do about how their lives should unfold.

Because no matter how much we try to control people or situations, the truth is, we can’t. People will do what they want to do. They’ll make their own choices, live their own lives.

You create a mental gap between your emotions and the situation at hand, allowing yourself to observe what’s happening without being consumed by it. The result? You remain calm, clearheaded, and in control of your actions.

True power lies in our response.

By choosing how we respond—by not feeding anger, hatred, or negativity—we exercise the ultimate power over ourselves. As Daddy King once said in the face of unimaginable loss, ‘I refuse to let hatred reduce me.’

You always have power, no matter what is happening around you.

Stop asking why they are doing this. The question is, why do you want to be with someone who does this to you?

Don’t waste your energy chasing someone who’s already left. Focus on what you can control: Processing your emotions and reminding yourself that you deserve someone who treats you with respect.

Dr. Ablon is an award-winning psychologist who runs the Think:Kids program at Massachusetts General Hospital.

After all, responsibility is simply the ability to respond.

When you let the world around you impact your emotional state and peace of mind, you become a prisoner to these external forces.

The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience.

You deserve to live a good life, but you’ll never be able to if you are always in survival mode.

How cool is it that you don’t have to live your life feeling like everything happening around you has to stress you out? How amazing is it that other people’s behavior doesn’t have to be a huge problem in your life?

Your silence can’t be misquoted.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

What it does mean is that you get to choose what impacts you and to what extent.

Just because someone has a negative opinion doesn’t mean they feel negatively about you as a whole.

You will always come last if you let other people’s emotional immaturity have power over you.

The silent treatment is what an immature adult does when they’re upset and they don’t know how to process their emotions in a healthy and respectful manner.

This explains why someone else’s tone of voice, their shift in energy, their bad mood, and their body language can immediately trigger you to feel on edge.

In fact, from experience I can tell you that the longer you wait, the more painful it gets.

You can learn how to work with what you’ve got and start where you are and create anything you want in life.

If you can’t change it, you must learn to allow it.

You’re too smart to waste your life torturing yourself.

What I’ve found is that being happier requires you to allow yourself to be happier.

Very little about your life is fixed in stone.

The famous quarterback Tom Brady recently said about success, “The truth is you don’t have to be special. You just have to be what most people aren’t: consistent, determined, and willing to work for it.”

And that was the beginning of turning this part of my life around and learning that adult friendship isn’t something that happens. It’s something you create.

The warmth you offer others always finds its way back to you.

People need to feel in control of their decisions.

It’s almost offensive when someone else does this to you. You feel attacked. And it’s also annoying when somebody sits on their high horse and acts like it would be easy to just snap your fingers and suddenly change or find a higher paying job.

No one wants to feel pressure from you, because they are already feeling it from themselves.

Humans are wired to move toward what feels good right now, and to move away from what feels hard in the moment.

And, I guarantee you, there is at least one person in your life who is struggling immensely and you have no idea.

When people are struggling, they have a lot of shame and are often in denial about it.

The first step to changing your life is taking responsibility for the fact that your life isn’t working.

The second you start creating excuses and scenarios in your head, you are giving your power to the other person.

“If someone likes you, you’ll know, and if they don’t, you’ll be confused.”

You are an active participant in the stringing along, because you’re allowing them to do it.

People only do what they feel like doing. Yes, you can influence them. But if you keep wanting them to change, and they don’t, it not only weakens your love. It creates resentment.

The truth is simple: YOU hold the power. And YOU are the one who has been giving it away.

You’re robbing yourself of your potential. You’re standing still while life moves on around you.

Stop letting other people’s success devastate you. It’s time to get to work.

You’ve wasted so many years being so consumed with other people, their feelings, their thoughts, and what they’re doing. So let this book be your wake-up call: You are in charge.