The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. And the truth is, if somebody else—a person you’re dating, a business partner, a family member—if they’re not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change. Let Them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just Let Them and then you get to choose what you do next.

Let’s take the very common experience of someone in your life giving you the silent treatment. The silent treatment is what an immature adult does when they’re upset and they don’t know how to process their emotions in a healthy and respectful manner. So instead, they stop talking.

And that’s exactly what the person giving you the silent treatment wants—they want your attention. Just like a child pouting off in a corner wants the parent to come over and soothe them, an adult that gives you the silent treatment wants you to ask, “Are you okay?” and “Can I do something?" and “What did I do wrong?”

Dr. Ramani has taught me that “hoping someone will change is what keeps you trapped in a relationship with someone who is emotionally immature or worse, emotionally abusive.” This has nothing to do with you. This person is not changing.