The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

The 5 Second Rule taught me that action is the answer. Thinking about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

The problem with waiting is no one is coming. The only permission you need is your own.

Learning how to push yourself to take action when you are afraid or full of self-doubt or overwhelmed with excuses is a life skill you can learn. Once you master it, you’ll understand that you can achieve anything through small, consistent moves forward.

You’ll never feel ready to change your life. One day, you just get tired of your own

excuses and force yourself to do it.

I was shocked when I discovered the answer for myself: It was other people. Or rather, how I was letting other people impact me.

The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people. And yet, you live your life as if you can.

The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people.

Here’s why this works: When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.

So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. And the truth is, if somebody else—a person you’re dating, a business partner, a family member—if they’re not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change. Let Them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just Let Them and then you get to choose what you do next. That’s all I said. And you got it immediately.

The hard part is you can’t control whether or not another person chooses you. You can’t control whether or not the timing of your life lines up with the timing of someone else’s.

And that brings me to a fact: People’s behavior tells you exactly how they feel about you.

Dating is hard because everybody is so scared to be alone, and so desperate to find somebody and to have the fairy tale, that you’re not as discerning as you need to be about the reality of the situation you may be in with someone.

There’s that famous saying, “If someone likes you, you’ll know, and if they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Feeling confused is a very dangerous place to be when you’re dating because if you like them, your knee-jerk reaction will be to convince yourself that they like you. Do NOT do that. Let Them confuse you.

Let Them ghost you. Let Me move on.

Stop explaining away their disrespectful behavior.

Stop playing the game.

The only way you learn who someone is and where you stand in their life is by watching their behavior. Forget what they say.

If your best friend were being treated this way, what would you tell them?

If somebody is sending you mixed signals, it means they are NOT interested.

Mixed signals aren’t “mixed” at all. They send a very clear message that you are not a priority; you’re a convenience.

Let Me see them for who they are. Let Me accept the truth in their behavior—I am not a priority. Stop choosing to chase people who clearly do not want to be with you.

You love the chase. This is your pattern and it’s a problem. The relationship is largely happening as a fantasy in your own mind, because you live in the potential of what could be, not in the reality of what is.

Can you accept this person exactly as they are, and exactly where they are, and still love them?

based on the laws of human nature you should assume the person is never going to change.

Ask yourself: Could you be with this person for the rest of your life if they

never, ever change?

You are the only love of your life.

But there’s one relationship that underpins them all, and it’s the one you have with yourself.

No matter what happens around you, you decide how it will affect you.

If you don’t use Let Them, you are allowing yourself to be impacted by the

worries, actions, insecurities, and opinions of others.

Stop tiptoeing around everyone else’s emotions. It’s time to fiercely protect

your own peace.

Stop letting other people’s success devastate you. It’s t...

Stop trying to change people who don’t want to change. It’s time to let adults be adults.

Stop trying to rescue those who are struggling. It’s time to let others heal how they need to heal.

Stop wasting your time trying to get people to love you. It’s time to choose the love you deserve.