The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

He said that the Let Them Theory represents “a profound truth: choosing peace is not weakness—it is power.

‘I refuse to let hatred reduce me.’ This message is a call to recognize the strength we hold in our response, one that can transform our families, communities, and even the world.”

And there’s so much you can control: Your attitude. . . your behavior. . . your values, your needs, your desires, and what YOU want to do in response to what just happened.

When you’re an adult, your life, happiness, health, healing, social life, friendships, boundaries, needs, and success are all your responsibility.

Your career is your responsibility and you have more power here than you think. It’s time to start acting like it.

Let Me is an opportunity for you to put your time, energy, and values at the center of your life.

Whatever it is that you plan to do, other people are going to have an opinion about it.

What if you pour your time and energy into your hobbies, your habits, your happiness?

What is something that you are afraid to admit that you want?

The average human being has about 70,000 thoughts a day. Most of which are random and cannot be controlled.

And by the way, people who love you think bad thoughts about you. . . every day! I have bad thoughts about the people I love every day! This is normal. To prove it, I’ll go first.

I can think a bad thought about my husband and still love him and treat him with so much respect and kindness, because two things can be true at once.

The more grace and kindness you display, the more space you create for a change in the dynamic to happen.

One of the things that I have determined for myself is that it is important for me to have a close relationship with my family. And wasting my time and energy allowing them to stress me out or trying to control situations that are beyond my control is a waste of time.

Because the truth is: You have limited time with your loved ones. At some point, you’re going to realize that your parents aren’t going to be here forever, and that this was their first time as a human being too.

This could mean spending time with your family not out of guilt, but because it matters to you. That might mean defining your own traditions even though it upsets your family. That might mean being one that always makes the effort even when it is not returned. It might mean saying “I love you” or “I understand” or “I forgive you” for the first time.

The list of things you could change is endless: from your job, to creating a better friend group, to finding your purpose, to spending more time with your kids, to vacations, to creating financial freedom; getting up earlier, finding and creating the greatest love story of your life, being an amazing cook, or getting in the best shape of your life; buying a huge ring, a fancy watch, or a sports car; renovating your kitchen, building a second home,

Because other people are never going to stop you from achieving what’s meant for you. They can’t. Only you can stop yourself from achieving it.

“Success is about putting in the reps.” What’s that mean? Simple: To be successful, to lose weight, to write a book, or to become a YouTuber, you have to show up every day and do the boring, irritating, and uncomfortable work. You’ve got to put in the reps.

You are not limited by where you live, or the circumstances you are facing, or the aspects of your life that you believe are limitations. If you can be honest with yourself about what you truly want, and take responsibility for creating it, you will.

And I constantly told her to hang up the phone, go to the cafeteria, and ask to sit with someone who looked interesting. “You have to put yourself out there, and most importantly, you must give it a year.”

Watching someone you love struggle with their mental health, crippling grief, or an addiction is one of the hardest experiences you will face in life.

When you are dealing with a child, you are responsible for their emotional, financial, and physical support. When you are dealing with an adult, you are not.

The Let Them Theory teaches you that helping others doesn’t mean solving their problems for them—it means giving them the space, support, and tools to do it themselves.

Legally you are an adult at 18, but from a neuroscience perspective, someone between the ages of 18 and 25 still needs a lot of guidance.

I once heard an addiction specialist say that no one gets sober until being drunk is more painful than facing the thing you are running from.

It wasn’t until Chris had finally had enough that we took her to see a therapist, and learned that the only way somebody gets stronger is by facing the things they feel too weak to face.

What I remember most is that no one asked me how they could help. They just showed up and created an environment for my healing without asking.

Here are some examples of things you can do: show up at their doorstep, drop off dinner, help them clean up their apartment, fill their fridge with healthy food, walk into their bedroom and pull the shades open and lift up the windows to let the air in, do their laundry, make a playlist of great songs, send them podcast episodes that will help give them hope, send them care packages filled with thoughtful and nurturing things, or buy them a digital

And while we’re on the topic, call or text a friend and say, “I’m coming over on Saturday, and I’m taking the kids or the dog to the park to give you a break.”

Take your roommate to get manicures, or to a new exhibit at the museum, after her breakup. Text someone once a week and just say, “I’m thinking about you, you are not going to go through this alone, you

But relationships are about learning how to love someone for who they are, not for who you wish they could be.

Let Me prioritize my own happiness. Let Me pursue my dreams with passion. Let Me set boundaries that protect my peace.

Let Me choose relationships that uplift and inspire me.

In fact, it’s the variety, the unpredictability, that makes it truly magnificent. The storms highlight the calm; the clouds make the sun more precious. The same is true for your life. You’ve been trying to control the uncontrollable, trying to force the world to conform to your expectations. But what if, instead, you focused on your own response to whatever the world throws your way?

Stop trying to rescue those who are struggling. It’s time to let others heal how they need to heal.