The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

important to not walk into this with any expectation that the person is going to be wanting the same thing that you do. You’re seeking clarification because you’ve gotten to a point where you know that if this isn’t going anywhere, it’s no longer worth your time.

This isn’t about getting the answer that you want. It’s about getting the truth about where you stand. This isn’t a particularly emotional conversation. It’s about the facts of what is worth your time, and what is not. This is what Matthew recommended, but make it your own:

I have really loved spending time with you. And I know myself, and I’m really looking for a commitment. I wanted to talk to you because I want to see if we both have the same vision for where this is going. I value my time and energy, and I don’t want to put time and energy into spending time with someone if it’s not going to go to the next level. And I’ve reached that point with you. It’s been really fun. I love spending time with you. But I only want to invest more time and energy if we’re going to go to the next level. And if you don’t see the same thing, ...

“Are these table scraps what you’re willing to accept, or are you looking for a five-star meal?”

Do not accept the table scraps. Be brave. Saying no to the wrong situations is how you find the right person for you. Let Them reveal who they are and where you stand. Then you must focus on the second part of the Let Them Theory, Let Me.

Let Me end a relationship with someone who won’t commit. Let Me trust this is another step in the direction of choosing the love I deserve. Let Me stop chasing the potential of this and see the reality. Let Me believe that I just took one step closer to the right person. Let Me take my power back, because the love of my life is right around the corner.

Most people haven’t dealt with it. Only you know whether you truly appreciate what is right in front of you, or if you see everything in life as half empty. You may think the grass is always greener somewhere else. The fact is, the grass is greener where you water it. That brings me back to the two things that are required to make a long-term relationship work: Both people want the relationship to work and are both willing to work on it to make it better. The issues that create problems do not require either person to give up their dreams or compromise their values.

The truth is simple: YOU hold the power. And YOU are the one who has been giving it away.

The people and situations around you are like the weather. The fact is, you can never control other people—how they think, how they act, whether or not they love you, or how fast they check you out at the grocery store. So why on earth would you ever give them that level of control over you that you have been? Why would you ever entrust something as precious as your confidence, your peace of mind, your happiness, and your dreams to the whims and moods of the people around you?