The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

Wait a minute, I can feel horrible and still do what I need to do? Yes, Mel, you can. And it worked.

You’ll never feel ready to change your life. One day, you just get tired of your own excuses and force yourself to do it.

The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people. And yet, you live your life as if you can.

The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them. Here’s why this works: When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.

the urge to control things comes from a very primal place: fear. Fear of being excluded, of not being liked, of things falling apart if we’re not steering the ship.

control gives us the illusion of safety. When we’re in control, we believe we can protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, rejection.

I was trying to control my own discomfort. I hated feeling rejected, so my immediate reaction was to fix the situation before I had to feel anything at all.

The pain we feel often stems from wishing things were different than they are.

You reclaim your power by choosing how you respond.

When you say Let Them, you’re not giving up or walking away. You’re releasing that grip you have on how things should go and allowing them to unfold the way they will go. You’re freeing yourself.

other people hold no real power over you, unless you give them that power. And every time you say Let Them, you choose to take it back.

there’s so much you can control: Your attitude . . . your behavior . . . your

values, your needs, your desires, and what YOU want to do in response to what just happened.

You are capable of creating anything that you want if you are willing to put the time and energy into working for it.

The more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets.

You can’t control everyone around you, or the world at large, or what people are doing at the park, but you can always control what you say, think, or do in response—and that’s where true power comes.

You can’t control what another adult says, does, or thinks.

You are so much stronger than anyone’s opinions about you.

Frame of Reference is a fancy way to say “understanding the lens through which somebody sees something,”

It wasn’t judgment; it was grief. She wasn’t wrong. She was right. But I wasn’t wrong either. In fact, we were both right. Because we have different Frames of Reference.