The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

The 5 Second Rule taught me that action is the answer. Thinking about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

Small, Consistent Action Changes Everything

did you know that high-fiving yourself in the mirror is one of the fastest ways to rewire your mindset for self-confidence?

I could not believe how different I felt. I started saying Let Them anytime I felt stressed, tense, or frustrated . . . and funny, I realized it was almost always regarding other people.

The old me would have obsessed over this for days. For weeks, really. My emotions would have gotten the best of me. I would have tried to pretend it didn’t bother me. I would have tried to convince myself that I didn’t care. I would have tried to rationalize it over and over in my mind. I would have turned my friends into villains to make me feel better. All of which would have made me feel worse and withdraw even more from these women who I genuinely liked.

Let Them wasn’t about giving in. It was about releasing myself from the control I never had in the first place. Because here’s the truth—no matter how much I tried to analyze the situation or how many ways I could try to control or fix it, nothing I did would change what had happened.

learned that the urge to control things comes from a very primal place: fear. Fear of being excluded, of not being liked, of things falling apart if we’re not steering the ship. And it shows up in all kinds of ways.

Focus on yourself, because that’s where your true power lies.

other people hold no real power over you, unless you give them that power.

Anytime you internalize other people’s thoughts, actions, and feelings as evidence that somehow you’re a bad person or you’ve done something wrong, you just gave other people power. And it shifts the dynamic and balance in the relationship. You feel beneath them.

The source of your power is not in managing other people; it’s in your response.

The more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. — Mel Robbins

When you let other people stress you out, you surrender your power to things that either don’t matter or are beyond your control. And it often spirals into other areas of your life for hours, weeks, and even years.

The point here is, every situation is different, but one thing remains the same: You always get to choose how you respond.

When you allow your fear of what other people think to stop you from doing what you want to do, you become a prisoner to other people’s opinions. This fear impacts every aspect of your life. It makes you procrastinate. It makes you doubt yourself. It paralyzes you with perfectionism. It’s the reason you overthink.

Every time you edit what you post, or stay silent in class or at work, or hide in the back of the group photo, you are engaging in self-rejection. You’re the one telling yourself that you’re not good enough. The constant questioning, editing, deleting, overthinking, and asking other people, “Does this look good?” only magnifies your self-doubt.

The fact is, it is impossible to control someone else’s thoughts. Therefore, fearing what other people think, or trying to control their thoughts, is a complete waste of your time.

You can’t even control half the thoughts that pop into your own mind. Why the heck do you think you can control what pops up in someone else’s? You can’t. It is scientifically impossible.

Don’t ever forget that stepchildren, in particular, need understanding, grace, and compassion from you. They aren’t just learning to accept a new adult in their life; they are also grieving the loss of the family they wanted. This is NORMAL.