The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About

by Mel Robbins

First, it’s never your job to manage another adult’s emotions. When someone pulls the silent treatment on you, or plays the victim, or erupts in frustration, Let Them. And then I want you to visualize an eight-year-old trapped inside their body. When you do that, something wild happens. You don’t feel scared of this person. You actually pity them. You feel compassion instead of contempt. You will also realize that their inability to process normal human emotions like sadness, insecurity, disappointment, anger, fear, and rejection is not your fault. And it’s also not your problem to solve. This has been happening to this person since they were a child. It is not your responsibility to manage their emotions or try to fix them. Your responsibility is to protect yourself from their emotional spiral and to see it for what it is: A person who has no idea how to handle or express their emotions in a healthy way. Let Them go silent. Let Them erupt. Let Them play the victim. Let Them sulk. Let Them deny that it happened. Let Them make it all about them. Then, Let Me. Let Me be the mature, wise, and loving adult in this situation. Let Me decide if I want to address this directly or not at all. Let Me remind myself that managing another person’s emotions is not my job. Let Me remove myself from any text chain, dinner table conversation, relationship, or friend group where this is happening.