The Let Them Theory

by Mel Robbins

The 5 Second Rule taught me that action is the answer. Thinking about your problems will never solve them. Waiting around to feel like doing something means you’ll never do it. It taught me that no one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.

‘Let them’ doesn’t mean giving away control; it means reclaiming it. By choosing how we respond—by not feeding anger, hatred, or negativity—we exercise the ultimate power over ourselves.

The reality is, you can’t control another person’s success, luck, or timing in life. The only thing you can control is what you do with the examples other people set and the actions you take next. When you see other people’s lives as evidence that you’re a failure, or you’re unattractive, or not good enough, you become your biggest obstacle. Mindlessly scrolling on social media or feeling inferior to someone else makes you feel stuck, hopeless, and perpetually behind. You are torturing yourself for no reason. You’re letting other people paralyze you, which leads to procrastination and self-criticism. When you focus on how unfair life seems and compare yourself to others, you’re draining your motivation and keeping yourself from moving forward. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. You are failing because of your chronic habit of comparing yourself.

Anytime you find yourself playing the game of comparison, there is something really important happening. Comparison shows you the areas of your life that need more of your attention.

It means the time for thinking and excuses is over. Let Me get to work. Put in the reps. It’s a phrase my buddy bestselling author Jeff Walker always says: “Success is about putting in the reps.” What’s that mean? Simple: To be successful, to lose weight, to write a book, or to become a YouTuber, you have to show up every day and do the boring, irritating, and uncomfortable work. You’ve got to put in the reps. Think about any change you want in your life, like going to the gym. How do you build muscle? You show up every day and you put in the reps. The famous quarterback Tom Brady recently said about success, “The truth is you don’t have to be special. You just have to be what most people aren’t: consistent, determined, and willing to work for it.” All these people who stir up your jealousy are here to show you the simple fact that while you have been making excuses, they’ve been putting in the reps, slowly chipping away at the boring, hard stuff. They aren’t special; they’ve just been what you aren’t: consistent, determined, and willing to work for it. That is 1,000 percent the secret to my success.

The reason why these people make you so angry is because you know you could do it too. And you are just mad that you didn’t start doing it a long time ago. The fact is, inspiration is not enough to get you motivated to do something.

When you’re dating, have fun and meet a ton of people, but never forget the bigger picture: that you’re looking for someone who is capable of helping you become your best self and co-creating a beautiful life together.