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Every morning when I woke up, the anxiety was coursing through my veins, and I thought, Is this really what it’s going to look like for the rest of my life?
I’ll never forget the morning when everything changed for me. The alarm went off, and there I was, lying in bed, completely overwhelmed by our problems. Like so many of us, I was paralyzed by my own thoughts, and the last thing I wanted to do was get up and face another day.
Have you ever truly stopped and considered these questions for yourself: Why do you hesitate? What is it that is causing you to procrastinate? Or feel so tired? Or overthink every decision? What’s underneath all that doubt? What is stopping you from doing what you need to do or living your life the way you want to live it? What are you afraid of? I was shocked when I discovered the answer for myself: It was other people. Or rather, how I was letting other people impact me. I was spending too much time and energy managing or worrying about other people. What they do, what they say, what they
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If you’re struggling to change your life, achieve your goals, or feel happier, I want you to hear this: The problem isn’t you. The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people.
The Let Them Theory is about freedom. Two simple words—Let Them—will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and start living.
The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them.
When you stop trying to control things that aren’t yours to control, you stop wasting your energy. You reclaim your time, your peace of mind, and your focus. You realize that your happiness is tied to your actions, not someone else’s behavior, opinions, or mood.
The Let Them Theory will teach you that the more you let other people live their lives, the better your life gets. And, the more you let people be who they are, or feel what they feel, or think what they think, the better your relationships will be.
Master the Let Them Theory, and you’ll stop exhausting yourself trying to control the uncontrollable. This isn’t just about feeling better. It’s about redesigning how you live your entire life. I can’t wait for you to discover the space and freedom to experience your life the way you’ve always wanted—on your terms.
I’m a fixer by nature. I’ve spent most of my life believing that if I didn’t step in, if I didn’t manage the situation, things would fall apart. I had to be the one who kept everything together—relationships, work, friendships, even the emotions of the people I love. And when something didn’t go the way I expected, it felt like a reflection on me. If someone was upset, if something didn’t work out, if I wasn’t included, I automatically thought I had to fix it, change it, control it.
And let’s be real—control gives us the illusion of safety. When we’re in control, we believe we can protect ourselves from pain, disappointment, rejection. But it’s just that—an illusion of safety. Because no matter how much we try to control people or situations, the truth is, we can’t. People will do what they want to do. They’ll make their own choices, live their own lives.
The fact is, none of that “control” actually makes you feel better. In fact, it has the opposite effect. Trying to control people and situations doesn’t calm your fears.
In Stoicism, the focus is on controlling your own thoughts and actions—not the thoughts or actions of others. This philosophy aligns perfectly with Let Them, which is about consciously allowing others to make their own choices and live their lives, without feeling the need to manage or influence their behavior. By practicing Let Them and Let Me, you’re applying
Buddhism and Radical Acceptance teach that suffering comes from resisting reality. The pain we feel often stems from wishing things were different than they are. The Let Them Theory helps you not only accept reality but also separate yourself from the need to change it. You acknowledge that others’ actions and choices are not yours to control, and in doing so, you reclaim your emotional freedom. This is Radical Acceptance in its most empowering form.
Detachment Theory teaches us how to emotionally distance ourselves from situations that trigger us. When you say Let Them, you’re practicing emotional detachment. You create a mental gap between your emotions and the situation at hand, allowing yourself to observe what’s happening without being consumed by it. The result? You remain calm, clearheaded, and in control of your actions.
But here’s where Let Them comes in. Let Them show you who they are. Their disrespect doesn’t say anything about you. How you respond does. Stop asking why they are doing this. The question is, why do you want to be with someone who does this to you? You don’t. Don’t waste your energy chasing someone who’s already left. Focus on what you can control: processing your emotions and reminding yourself that you deserve someone who treats you with respect.
In both of these situations—whether it’s work, dating, or anything else—when you say Let Them, you are recognizing what’s in your control and what isn’t. Instead of spiraling, you’re choosing to steady yourself and detach. As I said earlier, other people hold no real power over you, unless you give them that power. And every time you say Let Them, you choose to take it back.
Your silence can’t be misquoted.
You get to decide what stresses you out and for how long.
Let Them think what they want. Let Me do what I want.
Let Me live my life in a way that makes me proud. Let Me make decisions that align with my values. Let Me take risks because I want to. Let Me follow the path my soul is turning me toward.
Doing what makes you happy, being brave, taking risks, and following your own path will always be more important than other people’s opinions about it. This is YOUR life. Stop letting other people’s opinions ruin it.
And that right there is the secret. When YOU are proud of yourself, you hold all the power.
The point is learning how to put your needs first as you’re balancing what works for you with the expectations and feelings of other people. In life, you don’t want to be a doormat, but you also don’t want to be an inconsiderate bulldozer. It’s a balance.
You get one wild and precious life, so go live it in a way that makes you proud.
CHAPTER 9 Yes, Life Isn’t Fair
You’re right. It’s not fair. The fact is, every human being is dealt a different hand in life and you can’t control the cards that someone else is holding. The more time you spend staring at someone else, the more you miss the entire point of the game. In life, you’re not playing against anyone. You’re playing with them. Someone will always have better cards than yours.
Other people teach you how to be a better player, and that’s how you win.
It’s true, a lot of people have been dealt a “luckier” or “more successful” hand of cards. Let Them.
Because worrying about it, or making yourself feel bad, is an insult to your intelligence. You can figure out how to win. You can learn how to work with what you’ve got and start where you are and create anything you want in life.
Winning the game of life requires you to focus on the cards you have and choosing what to do with them.
And look, I get it! It sucks to look at the hand you are holding and feel you have been dealt the unluckiest hand on the planet. It’s easy to say “Why me?” It’s easy to feel sorry for yourself. It’s easy to look at someone else and make yourself feel bad because they have the body, the bank account, a loving relationship, perfect health, the car, the trust fund, the safety, the discipline, the friend group . . . because it is not fair. And you know what? Life is never going to be fair.
The Three Pillars of Friendship
When friends drift away, fall apart, or lose touch, it is because one or more of these three essential pillars is missing. Most of the time adult friendships fade not for personal reasons, but because of these three pillars: proximity, timing, and energy.
And get this: When you’re an adult, you don’t have as much free time as you did when you were younger to hang out, because you’re working. According to the American Time Study, scientists found that from the age of 21 through 60, you will spend more time with your co-workers than your family and friends combined.
When you stop expecting to have everyone be your best friend, or to be invited to everything, or be included in everything, or that you will click with everyone, friendship gets a lot easier. There is an entirely different way to view adult friendship using the Let Them Theory, and it will make your life so much more fulfilling, healthy, and happy.
Friendships are not a tit for tat. Do not keep score. Reach out to people because you want to. But don’t expect a response. How quickly or how often someone responds is not a sign of how much they care about you. It’s more likely an indication of how overwhelmed they may be.
Where in the past this has been an issue I'm learning to still choose peace! I show up for those who guarded me at my darkest! So i can't quite agree with this yet but i hope to in the there as I continue _ to heal
Make it a habit to just cheer for people and wish them the best.
Learned this! Especially dealing with the infertility side of womanhood!
When you move through life with a welcoming spirit, life opens up to you.
I like that good energy into the universe
The reason to be warm to strangers is because simply creating connections with other people will improve your life. The warmth you give to others always finds its way back to you.
Makes sense
The fact is, change is hard for everyone, including you. No one wants to feel pressure from you, because they are already feeling it from themselves.
Interesting; change is the only thing that's actually constant
People only change when they are ready to make that change for themselves. Stop punishing them for not changing on your timeline. Stop trying to “motivate” them into doing something they clearly don’t want to do. It is a waste of your time. It is stressing you out. It is ruining your relationship. It is not working. And most importantly, it is driving a wedge between the two of you. Loving people means that you have to meet them where they are. You must learn how to let adults be adults. This is why the Let Them Theory is so effective. When you Let Them be, you’re accepting them for who they
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A relationship doesn’t make you worthy of love. Your existence does. You will spend your entire life from the day you are born to the day you die with only one person: you. You are the only love of your life.
The most important part of the Let Them Theory is understanding that you are responsible for your own happiness. You are responsible for the energy you bring and how you show up. You are responsible for waking up every day and doing the work to make progress on what matters. You are responsible for defining what matters to you. You are responsible
