Until You (Until #1)

by Briar Prescott

“I think I may have found your watch? Or, I found a watch at the party, with your name on the strap. And clearly your phone number, so yeah, I’m pretty sure it might be yours?”

Sus sus sus

“My watch?” I repeat. “You found it? This isn’t a joke? You have it?” “Well, I didn’t just randomly guess your phone number,” he says. “Plus, it’d be a pretty terrible joke. I’d like to think I can do better.”

There’s a pause, but my fingers refuse to cooperate and end the call. “Night, Jude,” Blake says after I’ve just been listening to him breathing for a little while. Like normal people do.

It’s a new sport called ‘how many pedestrians can I hit in twenty minutes.’ Not to brag, but I’m headed for the world record.

“Unfortunately we don’t have any free tables,” she says, and boy does she not look sorry at all. It’s almost like they’re trying to keep their standards in place and aren’t interested in sweaty, yelling clients.

“And here I thought you were going to stand me up,” he says once I reach his table. “I just enjoy being fashionably late. Helps establish my superiority.”

With great power comes great responsibility.” Yeah. I just said that. Fuck me. With how many Spiderman references I’ve been using these past few days, you’d think I was a fan. I’m not. I’ve only seen one movie, more than a decade ago, and I kind of fell asleep halfway through, so why that’s my pop culture reference of choice lately is anybody’s guess.

I immediately put it back on my wrist before I inspect it.

Hmm...

I was just trying to figure out what the most expensive thing on the menu is.” I nod. “Good to know. Dine and dash it is.” Somebody clears their throat behind me. “That was a joke,” I say. The waitress from before glares at me. I pull out my wallet and open it before I very purposefully flash some cash at her. “Should I maybe pay you right now?” “You haven’t ordered yet,” she says. “We’re obviously getting off on the right foot, you and me, aren’t we?” I say.

Usually I just sleep with people and then get on with my day, but now I’m here with somebody who’s made it very clear sex is not on the table, so I’m a fish out of water.

“So,” I say. “So,” Blake replies. He looks amused. “So,” I say again, because apparently I just really want to underline that I’m not a great conversationalist.

ooh a shiny new toy! We haven’t slept with that one yet! It happens every now and then, so it very well might be that Blake is just shinier than some other toys I’ve played with.

“Get stuck on any other roofs? Sneak into places you weren’t supposed to be?” “It’s nice how we’re just conveniently ignoring that you’re the one who locked us out in the first place.” “So glad we’re on the same page about that.”

“No, it’s fine. I guess nobody’s perfect. Although this is a pretty serious flaw, so you should give me a moment to try and come to terms with it.”

“I guess I’ve never really seen any terrible sci-fi movies.” “You just keep getting less and less attractive. Bad sci-fi movies are a comedic goldmine that you can tap into for eternity.

For some reason, he looks super pumped about this platonic movie date we’re never going to have.

“You said you work in IT?” “Yup. Computers,” he says. “I mean, if you tried, I’m sure you could be even more vague.”

“You’re a nerd,” I say. “I’m a highly sought-after professional,” he protests in a very dignified tone. “A big ol’ nerd,” I repeat with a smirk.

He’s an IT nerd. He should be boring. It’s in the goddamn job description.

It’s a good thing I’m not interested in him, because he’s way out of my league.

Joke’s on her. She’s not the first person I’ve alienated with my questionable sense of humor, and she most likely won’t be the last,

I can’t even begin to count how many people I’ve accidentally offended over the years by saying things that I meant as a joke, but other people took personally. I can’t blame them. Half the stuff that comes out of my mouth should never have passed quality control.

Meee

“Is this the part where you tell me about your Italian grandmother, who’d spear and twirl my entrails on a fork for disrespecting the food of her ancestors like that? Because I’ll have you and your nonna know, you can’t eat spaghetti without cutting it. It’s all different lengths, so inevitably something will tangle off the fork, and I’ll just end up slurping them until there’s sauce everywhere. Makes people stare.”

“You find me so hot right now.” His lips twitch. “Less and less with every passing second.”

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually actively want to be a dick. It just always works out that way in the end.

“Can’t really be friends if we fuck, can we?” he asks with a smirk. “You sure? We should test that theory out. You’re a nerd. You should get a kick out of research.” “I’m pretty sure a lot of people have already conducted that research, and it hasn’t worked out for them.” “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a pessimist.”

You’re so afraid people will screw you over that you avoid anything more serious than being somebody’s passing acquaintance. Once the girl at Starbucks started spelling your name correctly you were all, ‘Well, this is getting awfully serious,’ and started going to a different coffee shop!”

Blair just happens to be right next to Blake in my list of contacts. Which means that at exactly—I glance at the phone—4:21 a.m., Blake got a text from me that said: mission accomplished got her drunk and took her to bed.

‘Oh, you know me, below average stamina and a small dick. Lower your expectations accordingly.’”

“You haven’t slept with him?” “No, we’re saving ourselves for the wedding night,” I say. “It’s supposed to make it extra special.”

They’re like two moms whose prayers have finally been answered because their loser son has finally made a friend, so they’re trying to be supportive while not being overly enthusiastic in case this whole thing goes to shit.

I nearly jump out of my skin when my phone starts ringing. Who the fuck calls people? What kind of weird social experiment is this?

HAHAHA ME

“Did I lose some more hotness points?” he asks. “On the contrary, sadly. If anything, devious blackmail just makes people hotter.” “In that case, we should definitely hang out. I’m sure I’ll say something stupid, and that’ll undo the damage.” “Doubtful.”

“I assume you’re texting me your address right now?” “My fingers are so still they might as well be frozen.” “Sure they are. I’ll see you in a bit.”

He wordlessly hands me a paper bag, and I peer inside. Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries. A few bananas and kiwis. A mango and a slice of watermelon. There’s more. It’s a very healthy bag. “You get that I’m hungover, not dying of scurvy?”

“I feel like I should do something that resembles cooking with these,” I say thoughtfully. “Do you like your fruit with mayonnaise?” “I’d rather go without if at all possible.” I shrug. “Not an adventurous eater, huh?” “More like I have fully functional taste buds.”

“Can I help?” Blake asks. “I thought you’d never ask and was honestly getting slightly concerned you were impolite underneath this golden boy exterior.”

“What do you want on your pizza?” “Cheese.” “I think that’s a given.” “I have no other requests.” “Double cheese. Got it,” I say. “See if you can get them to do triple cheese, and I’ll be your humble servant forever.” “All of that for one pizza? You’re a cheap date.”

I figured you jerk off to data privacy laws when you can’t sleep at night.” His eyes are shining as he nods. “Those do get me going. Quote me some SHIELD act, and I’m all hot and bothered. Integrity of private information. Data security program. Ooh, yeah, baby. Talk dirty to me.”

“You said you were into me, so what does that say about you?” “That I should enunciate more clearly. I said I wanted to get into your pants. That comes down purely to your looks. I have no standards other than that. You can be a complete dick, and I’d still do you as long as you’re hot. I’ll even pretend to agree with you as long as it gets me what I want.”

What if I was a climate change denier?” I shrug. “After me, the flood.” “A megachurch pastor?” “Praise be.” “A flat-earther?” “I’d walk to the edge of the world with you. Or to the nearest flat surface, at least.”

“What’s next on the agenda?” Blake asks. I shrug. “Strip poker?” “I suck at poker. I’ll be naked in under a minute.” “I’ll get the deck,” I say and start to get up.

He laughs. Like he does. Always. So. Fucking. Happy. And I want to keep him laughing because for some unfathomable reason, his laughs make me lighter.

It’s not exactly a sext, which is my preferred means of communication,

You have a dog? I ask because I’m suddenly curious. If I can outrun the guy who came with him, I do. Fingers crossed.

“My brain isn’t really equipped for hints today, so if this is the kind of nice you need to get your awesome ass to my place, you’re gonna have to spell it out for me loud and clear. Preferably with very short words. Four letters max.”

Something with lots of caffeine in it? One of those energy drinks with a name that makes it sound like you’ll be drinking drugs. Liquid Shot of Caffeine. Energy Straight to the Vein. Max Hypershot of Lightning. Find me one of those, will you?” I give an evil laugh and shake my head even though he can’t see me. “Water. Got it.”

“This is great stuff,” I say when I’ve taken off my shoes. “I can feel your hotness level dropping by the second, so by the time we get to the living room, I’ll probably have no problem not sleeping with you. Thanks for taking care of that for me.”

“I don’t like it when my shirt sticks to damp skin.” “And I approve. One hundred percent. If you have any objections to pants and damp skin, feel free to rectify that, too.”

“Hot, delicious food that didn’t come in a wrapper. If I cry a little, ignore it.”