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I’m a self-proclaimed mama’s boy and completely unashamed about it.
There’s something about my friendships with women, especially these women, that I value in a way that’s different from my male friendships. Sometimes, with the guys, we tend to shoot the shit and laugh off the hard stuff too quickly. But when I need to discuss a tough topic, I tend to find that I get a more empathetic and understanding approach from the women in my life.
“Hallie?” from the floor. I whisper right back. “Yeah?” “Did you like Kevin back?” “No. Not like that.” There’s another long pause. “Well, maybe that was the first time you were told, but I know for a fact it wasn’t the first time someone liked you.”
“I know I made things weird, asking about Luke. The thing with the heart. I’ve only ever been one way with you, and now I’m having to constantly remind myself that we aren’t those people anymore.”
“Good night, friend.” He grimaces. “Yep. Don’t love that.”
It feels like a drug, being this close to him, one that I used to be highly addicted to.
I attempt to commit their names to memory. Stevie with the curly hair and worn-in Nikes on her feet. Indy with her blonde braid and Converse. Miller with her tattoos and overalls. Kennedy with the Vans and striking red hair.
“Do we have a problem here?” he continues. “Should I call the cops?” “Oh, get so fucked right now.”
“You sure look good in my shirt for not being mine.” “Get fucked, DeLuca.” I smile as I open the door. “Would love to. You just let me know when and where, Hart.”
“I want to hate that guy,” I tell her, meeting her at her car, but keeping my eye on his retreating back. “Do you work with him every night?” “Most nights. If I’m not working with him, I’m working with his boyfriend.”
“You’re a good friend to her, Rio.” “Yeah.” “And to Luke.” “Mm-hmm.” “But have you told him that you’re in love with his sister?”
“This was a last-minute addition,” she admits quietly. “And what happened that was so important when you heard it?” I already know the answer, but I want to hear her say it. She smiles down at me softly. “It was the first time I realized that you may feel the same way about me as I’ve always felt about you.” It may be her birthday, but I swear, with that single sentence, she just made all my wishes come true.
“Ariel!” Taylor supplies as she and Max join the other two on the couch. “Absolutely not, Tay.” Rio’s brows are pinched. “Spoiler alert, but she gives up her voice because she thought some random dude was hot. We’re strong independent women here. The only princess movies we’re going to watch are the ones where they realize they don’t need a man.”
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers a few moments later. “I’m sorry for stealing your Saturday night.” “No, you’re not.” I peek at him out of the corner of my eye, and his smile turns so proud. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m not sorry at all.”
He smells like him. The old him. Because this man is still that same boy I once loved.
“How long have you been out there, Hal?” Setting her on her feet, I grab a blanket from my bed to wrap it around her. “Maybe twenty minutes.” Her hazel eyes are so fucking sad. “Did you forget?” “Of course not.” I push her hair away from her face. “I’d never forget, but you were busy. Shouldn’t you still be at your birthday party?” “I left because you left, and I wanted to see you. I thought you were headed to the roof. That’s my favorite part of today.”
“I have something for you.” She grabs the CD case that’s resting on her lap. “Year sixteen.” “I do love getting presents on your birthday.”
“Why do I need to pick a song?” she asks. It starts playing through the boombox speakers and I can’t help but laugh at the lack of subtlety in her song choice. “Because I’m going to kiss you and when we listen to next year’s playlist, I want this song to be on there so we can rewind it back however many times we want to and remember this.” Her smile blooms, and her arms wrap around my neck. “I was hoping you were going to say that.”
It’s been five days since our almost-kiss, and I haven’t been able to get her off my mind. Haven’t really been able to get her off my mind in about fifteen years, but it’s been all-consuming the past few weeks. Her living in Chicago is like a bad drug, knowing in my head I should stay away, but needing that hit of seeing her. The more time I spend with her, the more time I need.
“You single, Hal?” I finally give him the long-awaited answer, nodding to tell him yes. “Good.” He takes a slow predatorial step towards me, tone sharp and leaving no room for question. “Because we aren’t fucking friends.” With that declaration, he grips the side of my neck and slams his mouth onto mine.
In all the times we’ve kissed before, he’s never kissed me like this. Like it’s the first time he’s come up for air in years.
All I know is that I haven’t felt so like myself as I have the past few weeks, seeing her again. Even when we’re fighting, even when I think about all the shitty things from the past, being with her feels like…home.
“But I’m not your person.” My throat burns while saying it, and the words taste like a lie as soon as they’re out of my mouth. “Yeah,” he chuckles without humor. “That’s what I spent the past six years trying to convince myself of too. But I’m tired of lying, Hallie. Aren’t you?” “I don’t want to want you.” “Yeah, baby.” He nudges his nose against mine. “That makes two of us.”
“I missed you,” I admit in a breathy whisper, close to his ear. He drops his head to my chest, pausing his movements before he cups my face and leans up to kiss me again. Slowly. Deeply. Desperately. “Say it again,” he pleads. My lips turn up in a smile against his. “I missed you.”
“Rio,” I whisper. “I might not be ready for that, but we could have this.” He laughs sardonically to himself and closes his eyes as if it causes him physical pain to say what he’s about to say. “You know I don’t work that way. I can’t do one without the other.” Meaning he can’t do sex without the commitment.
“I understand why you’re hesitant or uninterested,” he whispers. “I’m not going to push you to want me. But I am going to be here, waiting, if you ever decide you want to try again. I’m not going anywhere this time.”
“Sorry,” she says as soon as I open the door. I try to bite back my smile. “For which part? Breaking and entering or for eye-fucking me in my own house?”
“Son, if I could go back in time, I would.” “Well, you can’t.” I swallow hard. “And neither can I. You were supposed to teach me how to be a man, Dad, and I truly hate the things I learned from you.” Before he can respond, I hang up the phone. Fuck that. Fuck him.
“Hey, Rio,” he calls after me. “Even if I didn’t want to see it at first, you guys make a lot of sense together. And she deserves to get what she wants for once, so if she wants you, I hope you stick around this time.” All I can do is hope that she wants me. “Yeah.” I nod. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You held your parents’ relationship on a pedestal as this ideal picture of what love should look like, but I didn’t view my parents’ relationship that way.” I take his face in my hands, making sure his attention is on me. “That’s how I viewed ours.”
“When we were in New York, you asked me why I never upgraded that old boombox. Do you remember that?” I nod. “This is why,” he says. “I didn’t have any other way to play the tapes and CDs, and not playing them wasn’t an option for me. For years, I’ve taken this fucking boombox everywhere with me. Held on to it, like if I could keep rewinding and replaying these moments we had, then maybe it wasn’t over.” He pulls a random cassette tape out of the box, running his thumb over the inked heart. “I don’t want it to be over, Hallie.”
“I can’t believe you kept them all this time.” “Well, I know that technically, these are your best memories, but they’re mine too. Meeting on that roof, listening to music. Getting the opportunity to fall in love with you is my best memory, and all I can do is hope that one day you’ll let me do it again.”
“You love me?” “Well, yeah.” He softens with a smile. “Isn’t that obvious?” “You don’t think you should’ve told me before you told my brother?” “Shit.” Realization dawns on his handsome but bruised face. “I didn’t think of it like that. I mean, I’ve loved you since I was twelve. I thought that was another one of those unspoken things.” I can’t help but laugh because, wow, that feels good to hear after a year apart. “This is something that should maybe be spoken out loud.”
“I’m glad it’s you.” He breathes a small laugh before pressing his smiling lips to mine. “It’s always been you, Hallie.”
“That story makes me want to go home and see Isaiah.” Kennedy leans her head on her sister-in-law’s shoulder. “Then ask him why he only pursued me for three years before we got married when he should’ve started thinking about me at the age of twelve.”
I’m not going to run away because where could I go? Hallie, you’re in here.” I tap my chest. “Regardless of the years we spent apart, you’re still in here.” She’s trying to hold back her smile, which seems like a good sign. “Are you sure that’s not just a first-love thing?” “No, baby. It’s a last-love thing.”
“I don’t think you get what I’m trying to say. I haven’t had sex in a long time.” It’s the exact same sentence he already said, but the speed with which he repeats it tells me there’s an open door to ask. I’m cautious though, because most of me doesn’t want to know the answer. “How long is a long time?” He cradles my jaw, his thumb stroking over my cheekbone, and while his eyes are boring into mine, I look away, hoping I can keep my reaction neutral if I don’t have to see his face when he says it. “Six years.” My eyes shoot to his. “I’ve only ever been with you.”
“Hallie.” I wipe away a rogue tear that falls out of the corner of her eye. “There’s no need to cry about this. I would never expect you to wait for me.” “But I did.” I rear back slightly, my thumb halting mid-stroke of her cheek. “No, you didn’t.” She huffs a laugh, but it sounds as shocked and startled as I feel. “I’ve only ever been with you.” “Why?” “Why did you wait?” she counters. Because I’ve only ever wanted to be with you. My own answer hits me square in the chest, knowing her sentiment is the same.
Thanks, Ken! I appreciate you!” Rio jogs out the front before either of us can say anything else. I look at my coworker. “I can tell him to stop calling you that, you know.” Carson lifts a brow. “Um no…have you seen him? Don’t tell my boyfriend, but yours can call me anything he wants.”
