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“I pick a song when something cool or important happens so I can remember it. Then when I want to relive a moment, I rewind it back and start the song from the beginning.”
She used to steal all my thoughts. She used to occupy my entire existence. I almost forgot what that felt like. I’ve spent six years subconsciously comparing every date to her. Comparing their laugh to hers. Their kindness to hers. Their confidence to hers. Their taste in music to hers.
That thing I’ve been looking for since I moved to Chicago? That connection? That one person some search their entire lives to find? I had already found her when I was twelve years old. At least, I thought I had. I know what I’m looking for because I had it once, and now the only girl I’ve ever loved is moving into the house next to mine. Again.
“The guy you were with tonight.” I slowly shift back to face her. “Who was he?” The set in her jaw is evident even from here. “Not your job to worry about.” Nodding, I turn back to my house, hands casually tucked in my pockets as I continue to walk. With my back to her, I make sure my words are loud enough for her to hear them. “Lose him.”
“Please.” My tone is soft, but the desperation is clear. “I need this.” Those green eyes soften, searching mine, and I swear I see him. The person I was most comfortable with. The one who knew what I needed without me having to ask. The person who knew me better than I sometimes knew myself.
Why I may have been caught looking at her like a love-sick idiot when I’ve never looked at someone else that way before. Because none of them know that there was a time that I was love-sick for her. No one here knows I’ve been in love before. No one knows that though I had a front-row seat to watch them all find their person over the years, I had found mine long before any of them. At least, I thought I did.
I’ve had a soft spot for Hallie Hart since the day I met her, and as my resolve slips away, I realize that softness hasn’t changed one bit in the years since I last saw her.
“Well, maybe that was the first time you were told, but I know for a fact it wasn’t the first time someone liked you.”
“We should talk about the house. Your hopes for the renovation. Your overall goals.” I clear my throat. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s a good idea.” Reaching between us, I find the leg of her chair and pull, bringing her seat flush to mine. “What are you doing?” Hell if I know. “I…uh…couldn’t see the computer.”
God, the nostalgia is making me sick. Today’s meeting only made me miss him. The old him. But he made it perfectly clear that version no longer exists.
sighh felt
I don’t tell him that I don’t like almond milk. I only ordered it when we were younger because I knew he’d ask for a sip of my latte since he couldn’t handle the amount of caffeine if he ordered his own, and I didn’t want the dairy to bother him.
She says something to a different coworker, something about the drink orders she’s working on, before storming through the crowd and out the front door, expecting me to follow. Which of course I do.
“You didn’t text me back.” “You didn’t give me anything to text back to. Hey?” she asks, mimicking my text. “You’re better than that, Rio.”
“Don’t let him call you that,” I say quietly. “He doesn’t fucking know you.” She lifts a brow. “And you think you still do?” “Yeah, Hal. I still know you. And you still know me. Better than anyone.”
“He’s never called me that before. I think he thought you were some random guy so he was pretending to mark his territory.” “Yeah, well you’re not his, so tell him to keep his hands to himself too.” Her eyes drop to my mouth. “I’m not yours either.” We’ll see.
“You sure look good in my shirt for not being mine.” “Get fucked, DeLuca.” I smile as I open the door. “Would love to. You just let me know when and where, Hart.”
Instead, I do the one thing that’s always acted as our communication. I turn on some music.
A few months after Hallie got that boombox for her thirteenth birthday, I asked for the same for mine, simply so I could listen to her yearly mixtapes in my room. And now, they play on repeat in the truck. Because yes, I have a huge freaking crush on the girl and want to know about all the songs that represent important moments in her life.
“This was a last-minute addition,” she admits quietly. “And what happened that was so important when you heard it?” I already know the answer, but I want to hear her say it. She smiles down at me softly. “It was the first time I realized that you may feel the same way about me as I’ve always felt about you.”
It may be her birthday, but I swear, with that single sentence, she just made all my wishes come true.
If Rio were thinking clearly, he’d realize I don’t have enough time in my schedule to be seeing anyone, but I like how flustered he gets at the prospect that I could be.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers a few moments later. “I’m sorry for stealing your Saturday night.” “No, you’re not.” I peek at him out of the corner of my eye, and his smile turns so proud. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m not sorry at all.”
Plain and simple, I missed Rio DeLuca. All tonight did was continue to prove that to me. I missed driving with him in his truck. I missed listening to music with him. I missed those seemingly insignificant moments, the ones where I look back and realize how important they were to me. The way tonight felt. Laughing with him again. Smiling with him again.
“I’ve got to get back to work.” “Okay. I’ll be here.” I lean back in my chair, bringing my glass to my mouth. “Wait. You’re just going to sit there while I work?” I nod. “Why?” She seems genuinely confused with those brows pinched together and her nose scrunched. And that makes two of us because only a couple of months ago I thought I’d never see her again, and now I don’t want to let her out of my sight. I shrug casually as if the answer were obvious. “I already told you, Hal. I missed you.”
“You single, Hal?” I finally give him the long-awaited answer, nodding to tell him yes. “Good.” He takes a slow predatorial step towards me, tone sharp and leaving no room for question. “Because we aren’t fucking friends.”
“Fuck,” he breathes out against my lips. “I missed this, Hal.” He opens his eyes to watch as I run my hands up his ribs, right against his racing heart and chest, feeling every shallow yet hard-earned breath. “Please don’t stop,” he says, but it almost comes out as a whimper. “Fuck, I missed the way you touch me.”
Thanks for letting me keep you up last night. You should’ve seen the latte art today. It was my best one yet until I took a sip. Drive my truck while I’m gone, please. -R
Remember how you let me take on this project to hopefully land a full-time job at the firm? Missing a deadline is for sure going to make me look bad. I never said you had to miss your deadline. Get on a plane and meet me. You’re out of your mind. Trust me, Hallie. For the first time in about six years, I’m thinking perfectly clearly.
“When I first started to try to break into this industry, I didn’t have more than ten dollars to my name. I spent my nights delivering pizza just so I could pay my rent because that’s how badly I wanted all of this.” He sweeps his arms out, as if to say this office, this view, this brand. “You shouldn’t be embarrassed to let people know how hard you’re willing to work to get what you want.”
“She’s already got the red heart emoji in her contact name?” Zee whistles. “You got it bad, my guy.” “It’s for her last name. Hart. H—Heart. It’s a thing from when we were kids.”
My head is still spinning, trying to organize itself, when the elevator opens and she steps out. She doesn’t see me—the hotel lobby is fairly crowded—but I see her. And all that confusion, all that second-guessing is thrown out the window because I do know what I’m doing. I have only ever loved one person in my entire life and she’s here and fuck it, I don’t care about the rest. I want to know if this could be something. If we could ever forgive each other. If we could ever try again.
“I made up some bullshit excuse about needing to make decisions in-person, just so I could take you to dinner without having to wait two weeks to see you. The least I can do is carry all the stuff I made you bring.” “I knew it.” Shaking her head at me, she bites back her smile. “This isn’t a date, you know.” “Oh God, no. It’s a work meeting, Hallie. Focus, please.”
“See? There’s no need to be embarrassed around my teammates. They’re normal people. Well…sort of. If anything, Rookie should be the one embarrassed, thinking he has a shot in hell with you.” She’s staring straight ahead, chin tipped up. “And who says he doesn’t?” I whip my head in her direction. “Hallie. That’s not funny.”
“Do I need to remind you about that kiss we shared the last time we saw each other?” She laughs. “I’m not sixteen anymore, Rio. Just because we kissed doesn’t make me yours.” I lift a brow. “Is that a challenge?” “You can take that however you’d like.”
There’s an ease between us, and it feels light and fun, the way it used to. I missed this. This comfortability and compatibility. I missed her wearing my clothes. Missed us doing absolutely nothing together.
“Hallie Hart. Ten different colors?” My smile is stupid big. “Talk about a throwback.” “Stop.” She laughs, pulling her hand away. “When did you do that?” “Yesterday.” “Why?” “I don’t know. Because I always used to, I guess, and I’ve been feeling more like myself again lately.” She looks up at me. “For the first time in a long time.”
“Rio,” I whisper. “I might not be ready for that, but we could have this.” He laughs sardonically to himself and closes his eyes as if it causes him physical pain to say what he’s about to say. “You know I don’t work that way. I can’t do one without the other.” Meaning he can’t do sex without the commitment.
“Are you out of your mind? Just because I need you to be mine before I fuck you doesn’t mean I don’t want to cuddle.” He tucks one arm under me, allowing me to use his bicep as a pillow, while the other one curls around my middle, his hand slipped under my sweatshirt and his palm pressed against my skin. “But I call little spoon next time.”
“You truly have no idea how ingrained you are in here, huh?” He taps his chest. “You’re basically living rent free, Hallie Hart.” I burrow into him even more. “I wish you could see inside my head, Hal. You’d see the picture I’ve got painted of our future, and every part of it revolves around you, okay?” With his knuckle, he urges my chin up so I look at him. “It’s you and me. I promise.”
I just want to be around her. Everything quiets when she’s around.
“Hallie, baby,” he whispers. “I’ve got you.”
“Thank you for being here.” He kisses me one more time. “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
“This is Hudson. He recently turned two.”
“What exactly has Hallie told you about our dad?” “Nothing. I have literally no idea what’s going on.” His eyes go wide. “And you’re here? Missing a game for this and everything?” “I don’t need to know what’s going on to know that she needs someone here for her.”
“Use the front door, Hallie.” I stay frozen in the doorway, unable to move. “We don’t need to sneak across rooftops and through windows anymore. We’re adults and I’m not hiding this again. Use the front door.”
“You have every right to hate me, Hal. You have every right to believe that I forgot about you, but I didn’t. Not one day went by that I didn’t think of you. You were everywhere. In the music I listened to. In the house I live in. I tried to compare every single person I met to you, but there was no comparison. And I will spend the rest of my life regretting leaving you behind all those years ago.”
“What the hell happened?” “Luke.” “What do you mean, Luke? He hit you?” Rio shrugs like this is the most casual conversation. “Well, I let him, but yeah.” “Why would you let him? And why would he do that?” “I let him because I deserved it for lying to him for so long, and he hit me because he was furious after I told him I was in love with his sister.”
“You love me?” “Well, yeah.” He softens with a smile. “Isn’t that obvious?”
“We’re not hiding this anymore. I’m done pretending like we haven’t planned out our entire future. I’m done acting like you’re not mine.” I wrap my arms around his shoulders, smiling against his lips. “But I am yours.” “Damn right, you are.”
“I love that dress on you, baby.” “Thank you. It’s—” “Take it off.”
