Rewind It Back (Windy City, #5)

by Liz Tomforde

I’m a slow burner. Always have been.

My heart flutters like it used to before I remember everything that happened. Because I may have loved Rio DeLuca once, but I don’t anymore.

My dad ruffles my messy hair before jogging into the house to help my mom. He’s always helping her. He’s always kissing her or dancing with her in the kitchen. It’s pretty gross, but all my friends say I have the best parents, and I totally agree with them. They met when they were my age, which is so weird to think about.

“I pick a song when something cool or important happens so I can remember it. Then when I want to relive a moment, I rewind it back and start the song from the beginning.”

She used to steal all my thoughts. She used to occupy my entire existence. I almost forgot what that felt like. I’ve spent six years subconsciously comparing every date to her. Comparing their laugh to hers. Their kindness to hers. Their confidence to hers. Their taste in music to hers.

That thing I’ve been looking for since I moved to Chicago? That connection? That one person some search their entire lives to find? I had already found her when I was twelve years old. At least, I thought I had. I know what I’m looking for because I had it once, and now the only girl I’ve ever loved is moving into the house next to mine. Again.

Rio believing he has any right to tell me who I can and can’t date? It’s clear now that sometime during the last six years he lost his goddamn mind.

Miller knows as well as the rest of us that she’s not actually jealous, nor does she need to be. Kai has never looked at another woman the way he does her.

No one here knows I’ve been in love before. No one knows that though I had a front-row seat to watch them all find their person over the years, I had found mine long before any of them.

I’ve had a soft spot for Hallie Hart since the day I met her, and as my resolve slips away, I realize that softness hasn’t changed one bit in the years since I last saw her.

means she has no idea that I almost just referred to her as “baby” like I used to when we were younger. Sometimes I’d use it in normal, everyday conversation. Sometimes through text. Always when our clothes were off.

I look back over my shoulder at him. “Good night, friend.” He grimaces. “Yep. Don’t love that.”

To an outsider, this might seem odd, him having a coffee bar when he doesn’t drink caffeine or having dairy milk in his fridge when he’s lactose intolerant. But the thing is, Rio has always been good to his friends, has always had this innate way of loving and taking care of those important to him. One of his best characteristics is making those around him comfortable and welcomed, so a fully stocked coffee station for friends who are visiting makes perfect sense to me.

Stevie with the curly hair and worn-in Nikes on her feet. Indy with her blonde braid and Converse. Miller with her tattoos and overalls. Kennedy with the Vans and striking red hair.

They have no idea how often we meet on the roof, where she lays on my chest and I play with her hair while we simply talk. Or how I sleep in her room most nights—on the floor, but still. They have no idea that me saying I like her doesn’t exactly encompass how I actually feel about the girl.

When the song ends, I actively choose the next one. His head falls back in laughter as soon it begins to play. “I still remember how relieved I felt when you put this song on right before I kissed you for the first time.” I turn it up and let “Kiss Me” by Sixpence None the Richer blast through the speakers. “It was subliminal messaging.”

“You single, Hal?” I finally give him the long-awaited answer, nodding to tell him yes. “Good.” He takes a slow predatorial step towards me, tone sharp and leaving no room for question. “Because we aren’t fucking friends.” With that declaration, he grips the side of my neck and slams his mouth onto mine.

He feels strong and in control, with firm but measured pressure on my throat. I can’t see him with my eyes closed, but I can imagine how fucking good he looks, towering over me and taking what he wants.

Needy is literally my number one personality trait.

We both changed, me into a pair of sweatpants and a tee, and her into leggings and my team-issued hoodie that she stole, before ordering the entire room service menu. Mostly because Hallie couldn’t decide what she wanted to eat, and I just wanted her to have a good time with me, so I panic-ordered the whole menu.

I think you’ll realize just how hard I’ve been holding on to you all these years later, even when I tried to let you go.”

“Did you know that all my friends have gotten to have their person on the road with them at some point? Stevie used to travel with our team as a flight attendant. That’s how she and Zee met. Indy and Ryan met up when their team travel schedules overlapped. Miller spent a whole summer traveling with Kai and Max. And Kennedy, well she’s the doctor for Isaiah’s team, so they’re always together. After all this time, I just wanted my turn.”

“I don’t want to want you.” “Yeah, baby.” He nudges his nose against mine. “That makes two of us.” He doesn’t wait any longer before he leans forward and presses his mouth to mine, stealing any retort I might have.

All too soon, there’s a heavy arm wrapping around my waist, hauling me towards him until my back hits his chest. “Are you out of your mind? Just because I need you to be mine before I fuck you doesn’t mean I don’t want to cuddle.”

“You truly have no idea how ingrained you are in here, huh?” He taps his chest. “You’re basically living rent free, Hallie Hart.”

“I wish you could see inside my head, Hal. You’d see the picture I’ve got painted of our future, and every part of it revolves around you, okay?” With his knuckle, he urges my chin up so I look at him. “It’s you and me. I promise.”

The highlights of my days revolve around him lately. Him popping into my work or leaving a coffee for me on my doorstep. Little moments that tell me he’s thinking of me.

I want to see him. I want to watch him work his fist over himself. I want a front-row view to witness this man come undone.

Hope is a dangerous thing, and I learned to stop hoping a while ago.

“You held your parents’ relationship on a pedestal as this ideal picture of what love should look like, but I didn’t view my parents’ relationship that way.” I take his face in my hands, making sure his attention is on me. “That’s how I viewed ours.”

“It’s been an awfully long time, Rio. Are you sure you’re remembering correctly?” His brow furrows. “Did you not believe me when I told you I picture you whenever I’m getting myself off? Do you think I made up an image of what I thought you looked like? No. Your body has been ingrained in my mind since I got to see it for the first time when I was nineteen. I remember everything.”

I didn’t know being someone’s everything could be such a turn-on.

He was always fantastic at giving affirmations, so it’s not surprising to hear them. The guy could hardly go through his normal everyday life without praising me for something.

They’re the two most important women in my life, and it’s stressing me the fuck out.

Because I recently got everything I’ve ever wanted, and those dreams are wrapped up in one single person, not in a career achievement.

I’ve been on this endless loop of what-ifs whenever it’s quiet and I’m forced to think.

Sometimes we’re sweet together in bed, but sometimes the vibe calls for something different. Right now, it feels like the latter. Like she doesn’t necessarily want me to be soft and sweet.

Because, yes, it’s fun to fuck, but we always end up here, kissing slowly, giving praise, letting hands roam and wander before they end up intertwined with one another.

“You like that you’re permanently under my skin.” “I love it. It feels like you’re branded and mine.” “That’s because I am.”

I don’t understand how everyone around me in this coffee shop is having a normal fucking day while I’m sitting here more terrified than I’ve ever been in my life.

“Rio, playing for Boston is your childhood dream.” I shake my head. “You’re my childhood dream.”

That’s why it’s so important that the person you’re with is your friend.”

He watches her like she sets the sun.

Hallie and I fell in love on the roof that connected our parents’ homes. I’m going to ask her to spend forever with me on the roof of ours.

“Friends are the family you choose, and I’ve got to say, I’ve got the best family a guy could ask for.”

I spent years complaining about being the single one of the group, the odd man out. But even though I was the last one, how lucky am I that I got a front-row seat to watch each of my best friends fall in love? I watched Zanders strip the façade he wore for so long to allow the flight attendant on his team’s plane to see the real him. I watched Stevie learn to love herself the way the arrogant hockey player who followed her everywhere loves her. The way we all do. I watched Indy come out of a relationship she wasn’t meant for and learn to be loved in a new, quieter way. I watched Ryan allow someone into his home and his heart after shutting everyone else out for so long, only for the brightest ray of sunshine to move in and light every dark space she could touch. I watched Kai learn to ask for help, only for that help to come in the form of a firecracker pastry chef who taught him how to have fun again. I watched Miller stop running and grow deeper roots than she ever thought she could by falling in love with a single dad and his little boy. I watched Kennedy learn how to love and be loved thanks to her husband who refused to go a day without showering her with it. I watched Isaiah persist in showing his wife exactly who he was behind the smile, all while keeping his heart open for the only woman he wanted to have it.

I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to go through life with these nine people. Besides Indy, we’re all a bunch of transplants from other places who found a home in the windy city…and with each other. I’ll speak for all ten of us when I say, there’s nowhere else we’d rather be.