Rewind It Back (Windy City, #5)

by Liz Tomforde

“Dairy.” I take another bite of my steak. “It fucks me right up. Sometimes I take a pill beforehand and sometimes I just raw-dog it and deal with the consequences.”

I take note of the song that’s playing and keep on driving.

She smiles down at me softly. “It was the first time I realized that you may feel the same way about me as I’ve always felt about you.” It may be her birthday, but I swear, with that single sentence, she just made all my wishes come true.

Inhaling a deep breath, I let the crisp winter air fill my lungs and clear my head. I missed him. Plain and simple, I missed Rio DeLuca. All tonight did was continue to prove that to me. I missed driving with him in his truck. I missed listening to music with him. I missed those seemingly insignificant moments, the ones where I look back and realize how important they were to me. The way tonight felt. Laughing with him again. Smiling with him again.

Together, we round the hood of his car. Rio opens the passenger side door for me and right there, sitting on the seat, is a folded blanket and a small pillow. I spin on my heel to face him, and I don’t think it’s simply the chilly Chicago air that’s making his olive-toned skin flushed. “In case you wanted to get some sleep again.”

I slightly shake my head, but there’s not much authority behind it. He wets his lips. “Do you regret it?” “No,” I say quickly. “But you can’t kiss me because I want you to, and that seems dangerous.” His hand runs down my rib cage, his fingertips drawing circles along my hip bone. “Wanting this again seems dangerous?” I nod. “Most of what got me through the past six years was the belief that you were terrible, and I was better off without you. It’s been quite terrifying to realize…well, to remember, that you aren’t terrible at all.”

“I understand why you’re hesitant or uninterested,” he whispers. “I’m not going to push you to want me. But I am going to be here, waiting, if you ever decide you want to try again. I’m not going anywhere this time.”

I will crumble rn

I leave a vanilla almond milk latte at her front door each morning with the shittiest version of foam art and a note that tells her what the design was before I took a sip.

The box is filled with every mixtape and CD I made for him over the years, each given to him on my birthday.

The only other thing in this box is an old piece of embroidery thread, which doesn’t really make sense. I pull it out to take a closer look. It’s almost unrecognizable, tattered, discolored, and worn. It takes a moment until it clicks, for me to realize what this is. It’s that old friendship bracelet I made him on my thirteenth birthday.

I’ve never forgotten this girl, not even for a second, and it’s about time she knows that.

“I don’t need to know what’s going on to know that she needs someone here for her.”

“Hey, Rio,” he calls after me. “Even if I didn’t want to see it at first, you guys make a lot of sense together. And she deserves to get what she wants for once, so if she wants you, I hope you stick around this time.”

“You didn’t know. I need you to give yourself a little grace, okay? I need you to take care of her and you’re not going to be able to if you’re too busy regretting past decisions. She needs someone to take care of her for once. Can you do that for me?”

“Well, I know that technically, these are your best memories, but they’re mine too. Meeting on that roof, listening to music. Getting the opportunity to fall in love with you is my best memory, and all I can do is hope that one day you’ll let me do it again.”

“You love me?” “Well, yeah.” He softens with a smile. “Isn’t that obvious?”

“The other night when I said I hoped that one day you’d let me fall in love with you again, what I meant to say was that I hope to earn the chance to fall in love with you again. And that’s not going to happen if I’m too busy regretting the past. So, yes. I made the biggest mistake of my life, and it’s probably going to take some time to fully forgive myself for it, but I don’t want to waste that time without you.” With both hands, I cup her jaw, sliding my fingers into her hair. “It’s always been you, Hallie, and I think we both know it.” She’s just standing there, smirking up at me. “So, yeah…” I stumble. “That’s my big speech.” “Are you done?” “I’m done.” “Then you should probably kiss me now. We already lost six years. I don’t feel like wasting any more time.” I quickly agree. “I probably should.”

I’m speechless. Because how am I supposed to speak when my eyes are glued to what is essentially my last name, tattooed as a heart, inked over his actual heart?

“Because it’s always been us.” With his knuckle, he tilts my chin up so I look at him. “Even when I thought I didn’t want it to be, I knew it was us. I sat there getting this permanently inked onto my skin, trying to convince myself I was only getting it as a reminder that love existed when the whole fucking time, I knew it only existed with you.”

“I assumed this was another one of our unspoken things.” He drapes an arm over my shoulders as we continue walking. “But in case it needs to be said out loud… Yes, Hallie Hart, you are my girlfriend. Though, you should know, there’s a good chance I’ll be changing both that title and that last name one day.”

“Not exactly. I didn’t know what number to choose when I was a kid, so I picked the number of my favorite day, which was, of course, my birthday. August third. Eighty-three.” Realization finally dawns on me. I forgot that his old number was his birthdate. Which means his new number is… “When I got to training camp in Chicago, they asked me if I wanted to keep eighty-three, but I decided it was time to change it to my actual favorite day.” My birthday. March eighth. Thirty-eight. He’s been wearing my birthdate on his jersey for six years and I had no idea.

“They’re all our important moments.”

“Exactly. I want to rewind all of it, Hallie. I want to remember everything. You made sure we could remember our first years together, so I made sure we would remember this one.”

“This is the song I was listening to when I signed my contract extension with the Chicago Raptors.”

“Rio, playing for Boston is your childhood dream.” I shake my head. “You’re my childhood dream.”

“Do you think she’ll say yes?” Isaiah asks. We all whip our heads in his direction. He holds his hands up. “What? It’s a valid question.” Kai smacks his brother on the shoulder. “I guess he could always take her to Vegas and get her drunk to make sure she agrees to marry him.” A sneaky smile lifts on his lips. “That did work well for me.”

“Rio,” Indy calls from across the firepit, sitting on her husband’s lap. “Ryan has something he wants to tell you.” We all shift our attention his way. “Uh…” he stumbles, and Indy gives him an encouraging nod. “I just wanted you to know that…” He clears his throat. “I love you, man.” My eyes go comically wide while everyone else stays perfectly silent. I’ve been waiting to hear him say that for years. “I don’t know, Ryan.” I toss my head from side to side, studying him from across the firepit. “It just didn’t hit the way I always imagined it would.” “Oh, get fucked!” Laughter bounces off everyone in the group.

I spent years complaining about being the single one of the group, the odd man out. But even though I was the last one, how lucky am I that I got a front-row seat to watch each of my best friends fall in love? I watched Zanders strip the façade he wore for so long to allow the flight attendant on his team’s plane to see the real him. I watched Stevie learn to love herself the way the arrogant hockey player who followed her everywhere loves her. The way we all do. I watched Indy come out of a relationship she wasn’t meant for and learn to be loved in a new, quieter way.

watched Ryan allow someone into his home and his heart after shutting everyone else out for so long, only for the brightest ray of sunshine to move in and light every dark space she could touch. I watched Kai learn to ask for help, only for that help to come in the form of a firecracker pastry chef who taught him how to have fun again. I watched Miller stop running and grow deeper roots than she ever thought she could by falling in love with a single dad and his little boy. I watched Kennedy learn how to love and be loved thanks to her husband who refused to go a day without showering her with it. I watched Isaiah persist in showing his wife exactly who he was behind the smile, all while keeping his heart open for the only woman he wanted to have it. I watched Hallie, with so much goddamn pride, as her heart softened again. She forgave me while also continuing to stand up for herself along the way. And I…well, I found love because it was always out there, waiting for me, even when I questioned its existence. In fact, I found it right next door—where it had always been.