The Next Conversation: Argue Less, Talk More

by Jefferson Fisher

Entering a difficult conversation without a plan and simply hoping for a perfect outcome solely in your favor is a sure way to end up disappointed. Intentionally approaching a difficult conversation with clear, realistic goals is how to create real change. Emphasis on realistic. Compare these pie-in-the-sky goals with those that are actually within reach: Unrealistic goals: Hoping for an immediate apology and an admission of “You were right” Expecting them to accept your opinion without question Believing one conversation will cure all other underlying relationship problems Assuming the discussion will naturally lead them to seeing everything from your perspective Thinking they will concede and fall on the sword of every point you throw out Realistic goals: Ensuring that the other person knows you care about them Gaining a better understanding of where the other person is coming from Agreeing on steps to mitigate or eliminate recurrence of the issue Acknowledging each other’s feelings without judgment Leaving the conversation feeling heard, even if agreement isn’t reached See the difference? You’ll get blind acceptance of your point of view zero out of ten times, but you can absolutely get a better understanding of the other person’s point of view nine times out of ten. By setting realistic goals, you’re framing the conversation around expectations you can meet. To find the goal for your next conversation, try asking yourself questions like these: If I had to choose, what’...