Pretty Little Fears (Blackwood University, #1)

by S.J. Ryder

Me and Blair.

I place the knife on the table next to him. This is for Blair, for me, and for our unborn child. I don't care to hear what he has to say.

I cry for my child who will never get to see the world and know how much they were loved. I cry for myself and Emmett, the parents who won’t meet their baby. I cry because I know death is knocking on my door and Lorenzo will never be punished. When I’m gone, another young soul will take my place, and the cycle will continue.

I refuse to let my life end here, under his control. I will make it out. I have to, there’s no other option.

There she is. My little obsession. She's bruised, bloodied, and naked but she's here. She's alive.

I can finally fucking breathe again.

“He’s not real, he's not real, he's not real.” I keep trying to shake away the hallucination I'm having by reminding myself of the truth until I feel a hand wrapping around my wrist. Startled by the soft touch, I scream at the top of my lungs, the action causing my voice to crack.

“Blair, baby, it's me. Please, please calm down.” He won't let go. Why won't he let go? He needs to let go of me.

“Little obsession, I'm right here. Please, stop crying. Please look at me.” His voice comes in a whisper.

“I'm real, Blair. I'm right here.” He releases my wrist and drags a soft knuckle down my cheek. “Please, please listen to me. I’m here, little obsession. I’m here.” I start shaking my head, my hair moving with the movements and sticking to my wet cheeks.

“Come back to me, little obsession.”

“P-please, please. Please d-don’t lie.” My heart starts to beat faster listening to the steady rhythm of his. The feeling of his body under the palms of my hands brings reality back to me. Oh my fucking god. He’s here.

Emmett is here. Emmett is really here.

“Listen baby, I need you to stay strong. Okay? You’re so brave. Keep being brave for just a little while longer. We're gonna get out of here. I’ll figure a way out. I'll protect you, my little obsession. I will always protect you.” He rasps out, his thumb swiping under my eyes. His deep greens are murkier and full of the promise of revenge.

“I won't hurt you, Blair. I'd put myself six feet under before ever hurting you. Please believe me.”

“So no, little obsession. You aren't ruined. You are not filthy, or broken. You are mine. I will take all of your shattered bits and put them back together. I will give you parts of myself to fill the cracks in your empty pieces. I will nourish your soul until it feels whole again.”

“My seven minutes would be full of you, my little obsession.”

Even though I’ve relentlessly killed to make my way back to Blair, I can’t silence the whispers in my head, convincing me it’s my fault. She’s here because of me. Suffering and on the brink of death, because of my obsession, my fucking father, and my inability to look past my desires.

I knew from the moment I met her, that she would consume me, and she has. She owns me in every way a person can. If she didn’t want me, I would be a lost soul, wandering the earth without a purpose or meaning.

I’ll tell her that every atom of my being belongs to her to bend and mold as she pleases. That I love her with every ounce of my being. But not yet, not right now. Right now, my focus is on Blair leaving this hellhole alive and in one piece.

“You and me, Blair. We will forever be intertwined. Our shattered souls will merge as one. You’re mine, little obsession. I'll fill those cracks in your heart for you, just as you did mine.”

Reality has not felt real as of lately. It felt like a replaying nightmare and I’m paralyzed, unable to wake myself up. But now, my body intertwined with Emmett’s, I know I am safe.

I am home.

“Little obsession, you seem to think I would have allowed you to go without me. I don’t know what gave you that impression but that will never fucking happen. If you think the obsession I have for you, the utter need to live in your skin has left, you’re wrong. If anything, it's only grown to an insurmountable level. So yes, I will be coming back with you.”

“There is not a universe in which you will not be mine. Not a single outcome that does not result in you belonging to me wholeheartedly. You live in every single one of my fucking thoughts, you pump through my veins, you consume me until I am nothing left without you.”

“Mine. Every atom in my body is made up of you, Blair. You are fucking MINE.”

“You’re everything, Blair. The air I breathe, the only thought I can fucking think. My entire purpose starts and ends with you. It’s like all the fucking planets aligned when I met you. A fucking phenomenon.”

“Don’t forget, you own me too, Blair. I belong to you. You could destroy and rebuild me as you please, but I am ultimately yours.”

You, your desires, your dreams, anything in the context of you is fucking priceless. What more can I do to make it crystal clear to you that there isn’t a single thing on this Earth that I wouldn’t do for you? Is it not obvious that without you my soul would be empty? My little obsession, I would lay my shattered heart on the ground for you to stomp on if it meant just getting to feel you touch me. I will battle all of your pretty little fears in that mind of yours, even if they are also my own.”

“No words could express the utter need for you that runs through my veins. I would be like a shadow without light. I would cease to fucking exist without you. Isn’t it obvious that I love you, Blair?”

“I will gladly get on my knees and fucking crawl to you, Blair. You hold all the power. My name may invoke fear, but yours invokes death, my little obsession, because for you I will crawl, I will kill, I will become death itself.”

am yours, Emmett. But you are also mine. Show me that you’re mine.”

I feel different than the last time I was here. My soul was shattered and the pieces will never fit back quite the same. They've forced themselves back together and the edges are jagged now.

Being away from here was good for me. I was able to start healing and processing the torture I went through. My mind, body, and soul will forever be altered by the events, but I'll be damned if I let them hold onto me. I refuse to remain feeling broken.

“Always. I will always be there when you need me. I am your shadow, Blair. You can’t escape me.”

“You. Are. Mine. Your body is mine. Your heart is mine. Your soul is mine. Every part that makes you, you? They’re all fucking mine.”

“We are two souls that share the same pain, Blair.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I will still claim you. I will put my baby in you. But this time you’ll have a constant shadow at your back, there is not a step you will take that I won't be there to watch.” I roll my eyes and lightly chuckle at his certainty to do these things to me. He shakes his head, grabbing my chin and pulling me to face him. “I’m serious. I will never let that happen to you again. If you thought I was psychotic or overly obsessive before, you’re in for a rude awakening, Blair.”

“Well, it’s a good thing they’re all dead. Every single person involved in your kidnapping, auction, and purchase is dead. If someone tries to hurt you or our family ever again, I’ll make sure they regret it. I’ll make sure they die. I know there’s absolutely nothing I can do to justify the ways that I’ve added to your hell, but I promise you, my little obsession, I will always protect you. Now, until my very last breath.”

Unable to resist being away from her for too long, I decide to pay her a surprise visit like the good old days. Crazy that those days seem like years and years ago but in reality, it’s only been a few months. Her presence or lack thereof, has the ability to manipulate the speed of time. Too much time away, and I’m itching to feel her next to me again.

Here I come, my little obsession. Back to you, always and forever.

Little Obsession, Being away from you is the hardest thing I’ve had to do, but I know you need your time away. I hope everything is running smoothly at the restaurant and your mom is doing alright. Tell her I said hi. You haven’t left yet, but I miss you so much. Without you, my bed is cold and my heart is numb. I can’t wait to feel the rush of adrenaline and love when I finally lay my eyes upon you again. Thank you for bringing me back to life and showing me the world is a beautiful place to be. I would cease to exist without you. I love you forever, Blair. Love, Big Daddy Emmett

All of the in-between moments from then until now replay in my head. We’ve been through so much, more than your average couple. I can’t help but wonder what our life will look like after we leave Blackwood behind.

I hope it’s filled with love, happiness, and healing. I hope we can give our future family a life much different than ours. Thinking of creating a family with Emmett makes me think of the one I also lost. My dad would have been a fantastic grandfather.

“I’m not asking you to marry me, Blair. Because you will. You will wear my ring on your finger. You will be my wife. You will be mine, forever. A shadow is always there, even if you can’t see it. I am your shadow, little obsession. Say yes.”

Letting out a small laugh, I step closer to him and shake my head. Fuck formalities. I want Emmett. His crazy, his devotion, his obsession, his sarcastic remarks, everything. He’s captured my heart and holds it with such care and desire, under lock and key.

“I will follow you to the ends of this earth, even if you can’t see me.”

“My obsession drove me to madness and I never want to be sane again.”

“I love you, Blair.”

Smiling up at me, she says those five words I’ll never get tired of hearing. “I love you too, Emmett.”