If You Dare (Diamond Devils, #1)

by Harmony West

I wonder what kind of dudes she writes about falling in love with. Not guys like me, that’s for sure. Probably sweet, spineless princes who say whatever she wants to hear. Not the kind of guy who will wrap his belt around her throat and fuck her so hard, her nails tear into the mattress.

Even though I barely know the girl, her validation sparks a flicker of pride in my chest. I shake it off. She doesn’t have to think I’m smart to want to fuck me. “I have my moments. I’m not the meathead jock you probably thought I was.” What most girls think I am. The guy with the big muscles and the tiny brain who’s only good for fighting and fucking.

“But I’m not like you. I don’t go around killing people. You got lucky there.”

Watching her cower in front of me, feeling her delicate little throat beneath my palms, made me want to wrench open that pretty mouth and make her suck me off. I can’t do that, though. Can’t give in to that last bit of stupid, lingering attraction. Violet has always been beautiful.

Sure, in my fantasies I mix the pleasure with a bit of pain. Have her choke on my cock, drive into her from behind so hard she screams. But I’ve never actually thought I would do any of that. I’d be gentle, do whatever she asked to keep her around. But I don’t care about keeping her around anymore.

Before, I would’ve scooped her into my arms, carried her to my room, and kissed up every inch of those legs until I had her squirming. Begging for me. Now, I still want to make her squirm, but in an entirely different way.

Red liquid washes over Violet’s hair and down to her feet. She gasps, completely drenched. She should look like a drowned rat. Her makeup should be running, her hair sticking to her face. The punch was supposed to make her ugly, but now her dress clings to her body and her nipples poke through the thin fabric. Fuck. She’s not wearing a bra. All I want to do now is throw her on top of the counter, rip that dress down, and suck those hard nipples into my mouth. She must’ve covered those bruises I left on her neck with makeup because the faint yellow spots peek out now. Oh god. The sight makes my balls tighten. I love seeing my mark on her skin.

Four hulking men saunter toward me, solid white masks concealing their faces. The Devils. Their faces are almost entirely hidden behind the masks, but I’m familiar enough with their eyes, statures, and smirks to know exactly which Devils they are. Trey, Brody, Luke, and Wes.

Over their shoulders, Wes glares. But he doesn’t move. Only watches. After that first time he kissed me, he told me I was his. More warning than promise. Now he’s letting his teammates touch me. Grope me. His way of confirming I’m not his anymore. He doesn’t care who touches me or where. He doesn’t care what they force me to do. Right in front of him. I don’t matter any more to him than a nameless puck bunny now.

I could. I could drive us around as long as I want, make her suck me off and swallow it. She’d hate it, and I’d love every second, but I don’t want to enjoy a single moment with Violet Harris. At least if I had made her suck me off in front of the guys, it would’ve been about more than the blowjob. Public humiliation, degradation, control. But enjoying her in private is too intimate to rationalize. Besides, I know she’s fantasized about sucking my cock before. Maybe she still does. I refuse to act out her fantasies. Only her nightmares.

“You’re the kind of girl who doesn’t have any confidence in what she says or thinks, even if she’s smarter than everyone else in the room. You’re prettier than you realize. You think you’re lucky just to have a man glance your way, when really a man would be lucky to fall to his knees before you. You think you’re the type of girl who should only want the things that are sweet and nice, even if that’s not what you really want deep down. You’re an iceberg girl—most people only get to see the five percent that’s on the surface, what you choose to show them. But there’s a lot more to you hiding underneath.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. Wes doesn’t want a relationship. Not with anyone, and certainly not with me. But if it wasn’t crystal clear before, it is now—he’s interested in me, even if that interest extends only to my body. Part of me wants to save my first time for the right guy. The guy who will be gentle and caring and loving. My first boyfriend. My first love. Another part of me wants my first time to be with Wes, no matter what that entails. Even if I’ll never be his girlfriend, even if he’ll never love me, some wild part of me wants to know what it would be like to be naked beneath him. To feel his mouth on my skin and his hard length between my legs.

Through the spinning water, I can just make out the swim trunks on Wes Novak as he attempts to drown me. This is it. This is when he really kills me. He lets me break the water’s surface to gulp down a breath only to shove me under again. Over and over. My lungs are burning, chest caving in on itself. This is how Chloe must’ve felt in her final moments. Floating in the water, unable to move. Unable to save herself. They say drowning is painless, but nothing has hurt this much since they told me Chloe was dead. I claw at Wes’s arms holding me down, kick at his knees. Fighting to survive. Fighting for one more breath, one more chance to make things right. Just as the muscles in my arms and legs start to give out, my chest collides with the hard metal edge of the pool so violently, I heave. The hands that were just drowning me finally release me and I cough up water onto the tile. My entire body aches and convulses as my lungs simultaneously hack up water and try to suck in air. Water sloshes as Wes climbs the ladder. He saunters in front of me, stopping with his feet just inches from my fingers. He waits for me to look up at him. Waits for me to peer at the face of the man who nearly killed me. The man I destroyed.

“No, I know my son. You’re afraid of being hurt again. But that’s life, sweetheart. You’ve got to risk your heart if you ever want to find the person who deserves it. Chloe just adores Violet, and your father and I are already smitten. I bet you would be too if you gave her a chance.”

What Mom doesn’t know is I already hate exactly how smitten with Violet I am. They’ve known Violet for all of five minutes, and they already like her better than they ever liked Britt, even before she cheated on me.

“And Chloe. I’m glad you’re friends.” Chloe’s never had a friend like Violet. She’s been waiting for Violet her whole life. Part of me thinks I’ve been waiting for her my whole life too.

“Dating hot twenty-year-olds for the rest of my life doesn’t sound too bad.” Even as the words leave my mouth, I know they aren’t true. I want what my parents have. The kind of marriage that’s like a forever honeymoon. The loyalty, the commitment, the love. But I need a loyal girl. A ride or die.

“The kind of guy with a big heart he doesn’t like to show. You drop everything to be there when your sister needs you. You come home for the weekend just because your mom misses you. You don’t date because you put your whole heart into the relationship, and when it’s broken, it takes a long time to repair. You want the big house and kids, but you’re too afraid to admit it to yourself. Because if you let yourself want something, if you put your heart on the line again and it breaks, you’re not sure you’ll ever be able to fix it.”

Fuck. I’m supposed to be the one who knows her better. The one who knows things about her that she never told me. Her favorite candy (chocolate peanut butter cups), the scent of her shampoo (honeydew melon), the sub she orders (turkey with mayo, lettuce, tomatoes, and bell peppers on wheat bread). Who understands things about her she’s never admitted out loud to anyone. Somehow, she sees right through my bullshit to everything I’ve been hiding so well from everyone else. I play it cool, leaning my hands back on the concrete. “So you’ve got me figured out, huh?”

“I know,” I whisper. “I wish that’s what happened.” Something in his eyes changes. Like he didn’t expect that. How could he not? He knows how much I love Chloe. She’s always been a better person than me, destined for bigger things. She was going to be an Olympian. Known around the world for how she sailed across the ice. How she made every movement look effortless. How she made life look effortless. More people loved her, more people were devastated by her loss than would ever be hurt by mine. If one of us needed to end up in a grave, it should’ve been me.

Listening to her tell me she wished it had been her instead of Chloe. But something snapped in me even before those words left her mouth. When I saw her held down and surrounded by my team, all of them groping and ogling her, I about lost it. Which didn’t make any goddamn sense. I let Trey and Brody force her to her knees before me. I ordered them to put on their masks for a night of manhunt. Told them to chase down our prey. Yet the second they ensnared her in their trap, I nearly ripped each of their fucking heads off. They can’t have her. That’s the thought that rang through my head. Mine.

I’m failing him, my team, myself. All because of her. Because I can’t get her out of my fucking head. I’ve been following her again. Without my mask, without any intent to confront her or torment her. Without her knowing I’m behind her, watching. The same way I did when she first got to campus her freshman year. Consumed by a foreign need to know everything about her. To know where she is and what she’s doing at all times. A pulsing urge to reach out and touch her. Take what’s mine.

The duck that reminds me of our first kiss. When I pressed my lips to hers and wondered how I’d gone an entire lifetime without kissing her. When I knew there was no way I’d be able to stop myself from kissing her again. Watching Violet sob in front of my sister’s grave stopped me dead in my tracks. Like I almost forgot she had a heart in there. That before Violet killed her, they were best friends. But the last person on this Earth who deserves my sympathy is Violet Harris.

A deranged part of me wanted to drop to the ground beside Violet and pull her in for a hug. Mourn over my sister together like we would have if Violet hadn’t been the one responsible for putting her in the ground in the first place. The sickest part of all of this is the one person I want to comfort me is the reason I need comfort.

Mom faces me, brows furrowed but gaze tender. “You can allow yourself to feel happy, Wes. That doesn’t mean you’ve stopped grieving your sister or love her any less.” I can’t swallow down that fucking lump in my throat now. “You and Violet are both grieving someone you loved so much. You can help each other through this, but instead, you’re making her loss worse for you both. Chloe would be so upset if she knew you were closing your heart off to her best friend just because you’re ashamed of feeling happy.”

She doesn’t want to be noticed, and I wish I didn’t. Wish I could go even more than a second without thinking about her. Fucking Trey had to pull her onto his lap. Put his filthy fucking hands all over her. I tried to contain myself, tried to fight against the urge to rip her from their grips, bend her over the table, and fuck her right there in front of them, show them all exactly who she belongs to. He pulled that scrunchy from her hair and kept it. Like a fucking trophy. Once I knew he planned to taste her, I couldn’t hold back anymore. At the circulation desk, she smiles at a student. My stomach twists. Been a long time since I’ve seen a smile on her face. Since she smiled at me.

“I wanted to kiss you.” His grip on my jaw tightens yet somehow remains tender. My heart stops. “But I didn’t want to do it on a dare. I want it to be real.”

“I don’t do sweet and gentle,” he warns. “If you’re looking for a prince, he’s not me. I want my belt around your throat. I want to fuck you so hard, your nails leave scars on my back. If I kiss you, you’re mine.”

“I hope you know what you’ve just unleashed, little flower. You’re not going anywhere now.” There’s no going back. I’m his. I belong to Wes Novak.

“You’re going to hate how good this feels.” His words make me stop breathing. “I’m going to be the first man to make you come, and when you think back on your first time, you’ll have to think of me. The man who scares you, and you like it.”

He thinks I’ll look back on this moment and not just hate him, but hate myself. Hate myself for wanting somebody who treats me so terribly. Hate myself for giving in to him. The thing is, I can’t hate myself any more than I already do.

“That’s it, little flower,” he mutters. “Come on my finger.” It’s more threat than promise. Then he adds, “If you dare.”

His taste is salty on my tongue, and when my eyes travel up to his face, the panic vanishes. His piercing blue eyes are glued on me, and I’ve never felt more desired in my life. Suddenly, I don’t care if he’s rough with me. If he takes what he wants. I want to give him the same pleasure he gave me. Want to show him that he’s not the only one with power. I suck in my cheeks and he hisses at the suction around his cock. I take him as deep as I can until I start to feel the gag building and glide my tongue back up his shaft.

I don’t like the sound of that. I close the distance between us, examining her bare skin for any other damage he inflicted. “Did he hurt you anywhere else?” If he touched her, if he fucked her, I swear I’ll bury him ten feet under—

“I mean, did you scream? Claw out his eyes? Knee him in the balls?” God, I hope she got in a few good shots.

“You just let him carve you up?” My grip on her hip tightens, thinking about her standing there, gritting her teeth while he cut into her like a pumpkin, thinking she deserved it.

“Yeah, I told him to cut off your hair so I’d stop fucking fantasizing about pulling it. But not the rest. He didn’t even give a shit about Chloe. That wasn’t him seeking to avenge me or her—that was him being a sadistic fuck. Stop taking whatever assholes like Trey want to dole out to you. Fight back.”

“Only because you like it too.” I shake my head. She has no idea. No fucking clue. “You’d fucking love it, Violet.”

“I’m not like him. Your pleasure gets me off—not your pain. You liked this before, didn’t you? You get wet every time you think about me choking you again.”

She sure as hell knows how to kill a moment. How to kill a lot of things. “What the fuck is there to talk about? You killed my sister. Nothing more to say.”

She nods quickly, dropping her gaze and twisting her hands together. “You’re right. I did. I didn’t mean to hurt her, but I did.”

Her voice breaks, and fuck if I don’t want to sweep her up in my arms right now, let her cry herself hoarse. Cry with her like I’ve been longing to since the night my sister died. The only girl I’ve wanted to run to. The only girl I’ve wanted to hold while she holds me. The only person on this entire f...

“The guilt has been killing me. I know—it should be. I deserve that. But there’s a lot I’ve wanted to say to you since that night, and I need to finally say it. I just need you to know that . . .” She sniffles, blinking fast to try to hold back the tears. Bury down the feelings we’ve both been keeping six feet under, knowing we didn’t deserve to let them out. To find any second of relief with Chloe gone. ”If I could do anything to take it back, I would. Without a second thought. I wish I’d been the one to die that night instead of Chloe. I wish you still had your sister, and I’m sorry there’s nothin...

I wait for her to ask me to put an end to the torment. To feed me some bullshit line like this isn’t what Chloe would want. But she doesn’t. She means it. The guilt is eating her alive. This whole time, I’ve been wanting to punish her for what she did. But her own mind has been punishing her more severely than I ever could. My heart stutters. I want to rip it out of my chest, tear it to shreds, and stomp on it. I shouldn’t give a fuck about this girl. She ruined my life. She ended my sister’s. But no matter how much I fight against it—against those memories of her sweet lips on mine, her soft words in my ear—I can’t win. She’s the last...

“I just miss her so much.” Violet attempts to cover her face with her hands. To hide the scrunch of her features as a heartbreaking sob wrenches from her chest. “And the only person I want to talk to about missing her hates me. And you should. You should hate me. I...

My heart splinters in two. One half for Chloe, my sister who was taken from this life entirely too soon. Who had so much life left to live. Who was my beacon of light, always shining. The other half for Violet, the monster who took my sister away. The girl I started falling for before I even learned her name. The bright star still flickering, guiding me toward her, even in my darkest hour. How can I love my sister and the girl who killed her at the same time? But I know that’s what this is. I can’t deny it anymore. Can’t keep trying to bury my true feelings under a thousand layers of wrath and resentment and hatred. What I’ve hated most of all isn’t what Violet did. What I’ve hated is that I’ve kept loving her through all of it, no matter how hard I’ve tri...

“Please don’t apologize. You don’t have anything to apologize ...

“No, you didn’t, Violet.” I breathe slowly through my nose, pushing down the swell of emotion in my chest. My parents’ words from the beginning of the semester ring through my head. You know she’s just as upset about Chloe’s death as we are. You need to figure out a way to forgive her, son. Your lack of forgiveness won’t hurt Violet, Wes. It’ll only hurt you. “It was an accident. What you did...

“I know. But I don’t want you hurting anymore.” Violet can’t hold back now. She throws her arms around me, burying her face against my chest and letting the sobs wrack her body. Tears finally break through the barricade, blurring my own vision as I hold her to me as tight as I can. To make up for every single day since my sister died that I haven’t held her the way I should’ve. She loved my sister so much. I can’t believe I ever thought I had to punish Violet for not loving her enough. Other than me and my family, there’s no one alive who’s ever loved Chloe more. I’ve hurt Violet plenty in my plot for revenge. But none of it has dulled that deep, persistent ache. None of it has made me feel any fucking better. None of it has brought Chloe justice. None of it has brought Chloe back. No matter what I do to Violet now, my sister is gone. There’s no undoing what’s been done. What Violet and I need now is to get through this, to move forward even when every step feels impossible. The only way we can do that is together.

I’m not forgiven yet. Not fully. But he’s trying, and that’s all I can ask for. More than I deserve.