Only With You (The Knights, #2)

by E. Salvador

“I have an extensive nightly skincare routine.” “I’ve seen you do it.” “I sleep with a body pillow.” “You used me as your body pillow the other night. That’s not a problem.” I don’t remember that, because when I woke up, the pillow was still situated between my legs. Did he put it back? I continue to fiddle with his chain, chewing nervously on my bottom lip. “I need a light on.” “If that’s what makes you feel safe and comfortable, I’ve no problem with it.” My heart stutters and warmth floods my body. “I like to listen to music before bed.” He shrugs, determination flaring in his eyes. “Good, me too. Anything else?”

My room is still off-limits to anyone, except for Julianna. That statement is wild to make and it still sounds ludicrous in my own head, but I stand by it. The level of serotonin I feel when I’m around Julianna is beyond me.

When the song changes to “Amen” by Amber Run, I almost tell her to shut it off, but I’d have to explain why and I can’t bring myself to be honest and tell her that this song was my goodbye letter to whoever cared. It was my biggest moment of weakness.

Late one night after I uploaded the video, I parked my car in the middle of the train tracks and waited for it to come and just end it all. I could have gone about attempting to commit suicide differently, but I didn’t want anyone to have my car after I worked so hard to fix it. And I knew Ashton would have kept it, so I was going to end it all with the only thing I cared about. It didn’t happen because by some divine intervention, Jagger showed up.

She came out of nowhere and it was so unexpected. It’s not like getting a bucket of cold water poured on you. It’s unexpected in the way you see a picture of a breathtaking view. You know what to expect when you get there because you’ve already seen it, but once you get there, you realise the picture didn’t do the scene enough justice. Because once you’re there, once you’re really taking it all in, it’s much better than any picture or anyone could have ever described it.”

She’s not the embodiment of the sun. She is the sun and all I want to do is keep rotating around it—around her.

“Hit me.” I step closer, bringing my hands behind my back. “Do it. Hit me. Please give me a reason to get a restraining order.” He doesn’t get to move a muscle or open his mouth when Saint stands between us, blocking John from me. “Get out.” The ice in his voice freezes the heated atmosphere. “Get out. I won’t ask again.” John drops his hand. “Landon, I’m⁠—” Not sparing him a glance, I spin on my heel, head up to my room, and slam the door behind me.

Me: So does this mean you’re going to come to a game? Angel: I don’t know…there’s a lot to consider. Me: Like? Angel: I don’t have a jersey and I don’t understand the game. Julianna wearing my jersey? Now that’s a fantasy I’d like to make a reality. Me: I’ll get you one and I’ll teach you. Angel: I’m a big fan of number 55. I grimace. Me: That’s Malik’s number. Angel: I’m aware. Me: Do not think of showing up with another guy’s jersey. I’m not playing Julianna.

“Now, lose the attitude and tell me why you’re mad.” He squints and slightly shudders, shoulders down to his stomach, breaking out in goosebumps. It’s obvious he’s freezing, but he stays put, holding my glare and the door. “I’m over this and you. Fuck whoever you want and I’ll⁠—” “Don’t finish that.” His eyes darken and his chest puffs out. “I’m just doing what you’re doing.” His brows cinch, but then the most infuriating smirk blossoms on his face. “Jealousy looks good on you.” I scoff. “I’m not jealous.” “Good. You have no reason to be jealous of my half-sister.” “Half-sister?” Oh.

“You noticed?” I reach for my brand-new necklace and twirl my fingers around it. “How can I not? I notice everything about you,” he replies, like my question is preposterous.

“Get dressed. We’re going out.” “No, the fuck you did not.” I groan, dropping back. He nods, pulling his boxers over his legs. “Yes, the fuck I did. That’s for teasing me the other day.” “The other day? What are you talking about?” “Buying another guy’s jersey.” “Are you serious?” He continues getting dressed, then grabs my clothes and sets them next to me. “Come on, get dressed. We’re going to go celebrate. You look too pretty to let it go to waste.”

“The way I see you has nothing to do with what you do or don’t wear. There’s nothing ordinary or extraordinary in the way that I see you, because it’s all beyond beautiful. Truthfully, a single word can’t define how I see you. Nor will it explain it because the only way is through my eyes. I’m sorry there’s not a better word in the dictionary.”

“I know you wouldn’t. Remember, you lead and I follow.” Her gaze strays to my lips and stays there, and it’s when I realize I’m smiling. “I don’t want to sound like a double standard. I hate when people, particularly men, tell me to smile because it’ll make my day better, or because it’ll make me look prettier.” She grimaces. “But I really meant what I said that other night. I really like your smile, and I hope you do it more often, but of course, only when you want to.”

“If you don’t pass, you have to get one of those words tattooed on your body and I get to pick which one.” Her eyes go round and she tries to pull her legs away, but I don’t let her. “No, absolutely not.” I know she’s refusing because she knows which one of the two I’ll pick. I really like Landon Taylor’s property, but Landon Taylor’s cum slut might be the winner.

When I pivot to look at her, she has a Cheshire grin on her face. “Stop looking at me like that,” I playfully chide. She presses her lips together to tame it, but it breaks through and she jumps on my bed. “I can’t take this anymore,” she blurts out. “I know it’s none of my business, but I will give you my firstborn if you tell me what is going on between you and Landon.”

“Oh, he’s annoyed.” Polly snorts. I blink, snapping out of the trance I was in. “Who?” I play dumb. “Number sixteen.” She plays along, head tipping in Landon’s direction. “I wonder if it has anything to do with the hot blond next to me not wearing his number.” “There are like a hundred—no, over a thousand girls wearing his jersey. I’m sure he’ll be all right.” I’m not exaggerating. I think Gabby told me the arena holds up to twenty thousand people or so. “A thousand girls, yet you’re the only one he was looking at,” she cheerily says, her smile brimming with amusement.

“Why does he call me Hollywood?” My voice cracks and I clear it before it happens again. “Don’t listen to me. I don’t know what I’m talking about.” She flashes me a small, forced smile, then slips out of the restroom.

“Hey.” I tuck a knuckle underneath her chin and tip it upward, meeting the defeated look in her eyes. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.” “It’s nothing, just a bunch of bullshit that I promise you don’t want to hear about. I’ll probably talk your ear off about it.” “Snowy white and electric sapphire.” “What?” “When you talk, those are the colours I see in the shape of an aurora borealis. I wish you could see it, because it’s breathtaking.”

She sets my soul on fire, makes me feel electric. I mean, goddamn, she makes me feel alive and makes me look forward to tomorrow and the days after. She makes me not hate myself or my smiles. I’ve not told her or even Reid, but for the first time in a long time, I was able to look in the mirror and smile.

“That’s my fucking last name on your back. That means you’re mine, and I’ll be damned if anyone thinks they have a chance with you. Because it’ll never happen, right?”

I can’t even talk to Landon or use him as a distraction, because he’s currently in Portland, Oregon for the Phil Knight Invitational.

Yoooo represent

Oh, fuck it. “I’m in too deep, Julianna. Too fucking deep, that this”—I point at my chest, fisting my shirt close to my heart because it feels like it’s close to collapsing—“this doesn’t feel like mine! This goes manic when I’m around you. When I think about you. When I hear your voice. God, when I hear your voice, I fucking forget my own name. I forget it all, because when I hear it, when I hear you, it all disappears because nothing else matters. Nothing else exists!”

“There is no finding fun with anyone else. I’m sorry I worded it that way. I’m sorry I made you believe it was just fun, because it’s been much more than that for me. I wish I could tell you when it became more. I wish I could tell you when I fell so hard. I really wish I could, but I can’t. What I can tell you is that for the first time, falling doesn’t seem so bad if it’s only with you.”

“So this is nothing. If you want to cry or yell at me, then by all means please do it, please fucking fight with me. Please do what you want.” I swallow the thick emotions clogging my throat. “And while you’re at it, take my heart with you, because it doesn’t feel like mine anymore.”

“I can’t use your money.” “You can and you will.” I take her hand and place it in her palm, then close her fingers around it. “You’re my girlfriend now. It’s my job to take care of you.” Her brows lift. “Girlfriend? I don’t recall getting asked.” Grabbing her hip with one hand, I tug her to me and cup her jaw with the other. I stare at her for a moment, soaking it all in, adoring every inch of her, and my body flames. “Be my Love?” Her cheeks taint a rose colour, the sweetest smile curls on her lips, and her eyes glimmer. “How can you say you’re not good with words?” I sheepishly shrug. “Well?” “Yeah, I guess I’ll give you the pleasure of dating me.” She laughs when I narrow my eyes at her. “I’ll be your Love, if you’ll be mine?” “Only yours.” I pull her in, sealing my lips with hers.

Ashton’s jaw clenches, forehead creases, and lips tighten, but the anger fades, a cunning smile taking over. “Do you know about Polly? She⁠—” “Ahhh, yes, she drew the short stick, right?” I lazily let my eyes sweep over him, humming in displeasure. This time, he doesn’t bother to hide how annoyed he is. “Landon, you let your girlfriend fight for you now?” “Yeah, how about that?” He chuckles. “If I were you, I’d be careful. She might just run you over.”

“You know if you need help getting rid of a body, I know a guy.” “I’ve no plans on murdering anyone.” “Right, right, I was kidding…” he drawls, a cheery grin splitting across his face. I narrow my eyes at him, but with Saint, it’s better not to ask questions. Sometimes, I can’t tell if he’s being honest or fucking around.

“But what if he changes his mind? What if he realizes this is too much for him? That I’m too much for him?” “Then he can go find less, but I doubt he’ll do that.

“You’re leaving?” I don’t understand why, but the bridge of my nose burns and my eyes become oddly wet.

She smiles, the kind of smile that makes my heart flip a million times. It’s the kind I screenshot and lock in a special box in my head dedicated just for her. Because that smile, fuck, that smile feels like an all-consuming high that I never want to come down from.

“No, no, that’s not how it happened. Please, you have to understand. It’s not like that. Please listen.” He shakes his head, pleading frantically, blood running out of his nose. “Listen? But I thought we were having fun? I thought you wanted this? You were giving me the signs.” I mimic his voice from just a few minutes ago, the laid-back, easygoing one.

“Oh, and don’t forget what Landon told him before he hit him. What was it again?” Jayden animatedly quizzes. Landon rolls his eyes when the guys in chorus, mimicking his accent, say, “Thanks for giving me a reason to hit you. I’ve really been looking forward to this.”

“I don’t like to dwell on things I have no control over and I don’t want you to either. It sucks, yeah, but it’s just a scratch.” “How can you be so calm after all of this?” “Because I see you and nothing else matters.”

“I’m glad I was failing Calculus.” “I’m glad your apartment burned down.” I laugh. “I guess if that hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be here, huh?” “We would’ve eventually happened.”

“All this time, it was you!” I gasp, staring wide-eyed. “Itwasyou. Allthistimeitwasyou. OhmyGod! Holyshityou’rehim! He’syou! I’mdatingHaptic! MyboyfriendisHaptic! Thisisunreal.”