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Then I think about everything Noah just laid out and realize it never did die. She might drive me batshit fucking crazy, but Lilah Ryan will always matter to me. Her safety. Her happiness. Her smile. I’d still rain down war for her.
I once heard female dragonflies will fake their own deaths instead of mating with unwanted males, and now I can’t help but imagine them looking at their friends, laughing. Like, here comes Joey. Quick, girl, play dead.
“Because it’s you. I’d do anything for you, Lilah.” Always would. Some things you know deep in your soul won’t ever change. Loving Lilah Ryan in one way or another was never going to change for me. Maybe this is my chance to change it for her . . . Maybe.
“Don’t listen to them, princess. Don’t let them in your head. You, Lilah Belle Ryan, are fucking perfect. You’re beautiful, and you’re kind . . . well, to everyone who isn’t me. So what if you gained a pound or two, Lilah. They look really fucking good on you.” Goosebumps break out over my skin when his voice is suddenly closer, and his breath skirts over my skin. “Your curves are perfect.” His words are slow and heavy and make my knees weaker
than they should. Weaker than I’ll ever admit. “Your legs are the kind men fantasize about getting lost between for fucking days.”
“If you were mine, I’d worship every inch of your body every day.” I can feel his hand reach out, like he’s going to touch me, but he doesn’t, and suddenly I’m not sure whether I’m disappointed or relieved. “I’d make damn sure you knew how much I appreciated every . . . incredible . . . curve.”
“Because when I kiss you, Lilah, it’s going to be the beginning of everything, not the end. It’s not going to be goodbye. It’s going to be welcome home, I missed you.”
“When I kiss you, you’re going to be the last girl I kiss for the rest of my life. It was always going to be you. You’re it. You’re going to be my girl. And I’m not ready for that with you leaving. Your life is about to explode, and I can’t wait to watch it all happen for you, but I’m not going to be the asshole who makes you wish you were here instead of doing your thing. The whole world is going to fall in love with you, Lilah, and I’m a greedy asshole who wishes he didn’t have to share you already.”
The best part of my day is you. Always you. Forever you. —Killian’s Secret Thoughts
