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February 15 - February 17, 2025
When all else fails, roll the windows down, turn the radio up, and sing at the top of your lungs. BELLA’S SECRET THOUGHTS
Then I think about everything Noah just laid out and realize it never did die. She might drive me batshit fucking crazy, but Lilah Ryan will always matter to me. Her safety. Her happiness. Her smile. I’d still rain down war for her.
I take my life in my hands and cup her face, praying she doesn’t kick me in the balls. “Deep down, you know no one in this world will keep you as safe as I will. Some things don’t change, no matter how many years and how big a distance. And that will never change. That’s why you’re standing here.”
“Because it’s you. I’d do anything for you, Lilah.” Always would. Some things you know deep in your soul won’t ever change. Loving Lilah Ryan in one way or another was never going to change for me. Maybe this is my chance to change it for her . . . Maybe.
“Don’t listen to them, princess. Don’t let them in your head. You, Lilah Belle Ryan, are fucking perfect. You’re beautiful, and you’re kind . . . well, to everyone who isn’t me. So what if you gained a pound or two, Lilah. They look really fucking good on you.” Goosebumps break out over my skin when his voice is suddenly closer, and his breath skirts over my skin. “Your curves are perfect.” His words are slow and heavy and make my knees weaker than they should. Weaker than I’ll ever admit. “Your legs are the kind men fantasize about getting lost between for fucking days.”
“If you were mine, I’d worship every inch of your body every day.” I can feel his hand reach out, like he’s going to touch me, but he doesn’t, and suddenly I’m not sure whether I’m disappointed or relieved. “I’d make damn sure you knew how much I appreciated every . . . incredible . . . curve.”
“Sleep, princess. No one will ever hurt you again. Not even me.”
“Your man wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off you.”
“One night . . . Fuck, princess. One night isn’t going to be enough.”
My mom once told me the French don’t say “I miss you.” They say, “tu me manques” which translates to “you are missing from me.” I didn’t understand the difference before. I do now.
“I’m here because it’s you, Lilah. You and me. I’m here because it’s always been you and me. Always. Even when you said you hated me. Even when you swore I hated you. Even when you told me you never wanted to speak to me again, it was still you and me. I will always be here for you. I will always protect you. I will always lo—”
“The one where they know they can’t hold a candle to you, Lilah Belle.”
“Because when I kiss you, Lilah, it’s going to be the beginning of everything, not the end. It’s not going to be goodbye. It’s going to be welcome home, I missed you.”
“When I kiss you, you’re going to be the last girl I kiss for the rest of my life. It was always going to be you. You’re it. You’re going to be my girl. And I’m not ready for that with you leaving. Your life is about to explode, and I can’t wait to watch it all happen for you, but I’m not going to be the asshole who makes you wish you were here instead of doing your thing. The whole world is going to fall in love with you, Lilah, and I’m a greedy asshole who wishes he didn’t have to share you already.”
“No tears, princess. I’m going to need you to remember that I loved you first, and when you’re done, I’m going to love you last. Can you do that for me?”
Find me when you come home. I’ll still be right here.” “And you’ll be mine?” I breathe out, terrified that we’re never going to get this moment back. “I’ve always been yours.”
“I’ve spent a lifetime loving you, Lilah. It was always going to be us. Even when you hated me, I loved you. Even when I thought I hated you, I loved you more.”
“I figured out a long time ago that I’d never stop loving you. I just needed you to be ready to hear it. Remember what I said . . . When I kissed you, it was going to be welcome home, I missed you. I fucking missed you so much, princess.”
“Take what you need, baby. Just give me you. You’re all I want. You’re all I see.”
“If you had kissed me that night at Crucible, I wouldn’t have wanted to leave for my first tour. You’re the only thing I’ve ever wanted more than music.”
“I love you so much, Lilah. I swear to God, if I had lost you, they would have been burying me beside you. I don’t want to live in a world you’re not in, princess.”
“I will love you forever, Lilah. From my first breath until my last. In every life,”
