Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

by Steve Harvey

And one simple thing is true about each of us: we are very simple people and all basically think in a similar way.

There is no truer statement: men are simple.

men are driven by who they are, what they do, and how much they make. No matter if a man is a CEO, a CON, or both, everything he does is filtered through his title (who he is), how he gets that title (what he does), and the reward he gets for the effort (how much he makes).

The way you can help him get there is to help him focus on his dream, see the vision, and implement his plan.

That’s because a man who has placed you in the most special part of his heart—the man who truly has feelings for you—will give you a title.

So, if you’ve been dating a guy for at least ninety days and you’ve never met his mother, you don’t go to church together, you haven’t been around his family or his friends, and he took you to a networking/job/social function and introduced you by your name, then you’re not in his plans—he doesn’t see you in his future.

Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time.

“The Three Things Every Man Needs: Support, Loyalty, and the Cookie,”

When a man truly loves you, anybody who says, does, suggests, or even thinks about doing something offensive to you stands the risk of being obliterated.

the only way a woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men—an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy.

Trust me, the more you make us feel like we’re special, the more we’ll give in return.

if you go to your man with a situation that’s fixable and he doesn’t try to fix it, he is not your man—he is not in love with you.

when a man approaches you, he has a plan. And the main plan is to sleep with you, or to find out what it takes to sleep with you.

a man always wants something. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: (1) if you’re willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.

Until, that is, he finds a woman he loves and who loves him back and has sense enough to set some ground rules and requirements for the relationship, chief among them the following: 1. You need to respect me. 2. You must put me and our kids after God and above all others. 3. Be clear to everyone involved in our lives that they will respect your relationship—and me.

I’ve listed questions here that you should consider as you formulate your top ten requirements, and I’ve left space for you to document your list: 1. What specific kind of man are you looking for? (For example, funny? Hardworking? Generous?) 2. How do you expect to be pursued? (Do you want regular phone calls? Text messages? Dates at least three times a week? Do you want him to always pick up the tab?) 3. What level of commitment do you expect? (Do you want an open relationship? Or to date exclusively? Should it be up for discussion?) 4. What kind of financial security do you expect this man to have? (Do you want him to be rich? Do you want him to make more money than you? Are you okay with a blue-collar worker?) 5. Do you want a man who wants kids and is family oriented? 6. Does he have to be religious/spiritual? 7. Do you mind if he’s a divorcé or has kids? 8. Can you help a man build his dream? Can you adapt to his plan? 9. What do you expect of his family? (Should you get along with his mother? Do you care if he doesn’t get along with her? Or if his father was never around?) 10. What should he be willing to do to woo you? (Should he pursue you? Give you expensive gifts?)

I came up with a list of things you can do with your man to help you—and him—stay focused on the relationship. 1. Go on dates that help you find out each other’s interests: if he’s into photography, hit up a photography exhibit at the local museum; if you’re into cooking, take a cooking class together. 2. Host a barbecue at your house and invite him to meet your friends and family; a good guy should be comfortable meeting the people you love. 3. Go to church together; know that he’s interested. 4. Sign up for a sexy Latin dance class so you can learn some new moves—it’ll show you if he’s into trying new things, and you can tell if the man has, um, rhythm. 5. Go out for a picnic in the park with the kids; see if he’s comfortable with them. 6. Find out each other’s favorite artists and attend a concert together. 7. Release your inner kid and spend an evening playing games at an arcade. 8. Have a few “firsts” together—go horseback riding together, or hit up a batting cage, or fall all over each other at the ice skating rink. 9. Volunteer together—help out at a local soup kitchen or read books to kids at a local foster home; you can tell a lot about a man who’s willing to help others. 10. Rent a convertible and get lost cruising in your city; you’ll have plenty of time to talk on a long drive. 11. Find a quiet place where you can watch the sunset together. 12. Play a board game. 13. Go for a long walk under a starlit sky. 14. Send each other naughty e-mails, so h...

YOU KNOW HE’LL MAKE A GOOD FATHER IF. . . 1. He tells you he likes kids, and actually would like to have one someday. 2. He expresses interest in meeting your children. 3. He shows up to the house with gifts—for the kids. (Of course, if he brings an Xbox for Mikey and disappears for a few hours, then that might be a problem.) 4. He lets the children see that he sincerely respects and likes (and even loves) their mother. 5. He makes a kid-friendly date with you and invites your children along. 6. He takes you and the kids to church. 7. He has a good job and a solid work history. 8. He’s kind to his mother and checks in with her often (but mama’s boys need not apply). 9. His nieces and nephews spend considerable time with him. 10. He has younger siblings he helped care for when he was younger—and they made it through, unscathed. 11. He has a pet, and it actually gets fed and taken care of. 12. He keeps his house clean and knows how to cook a few decent meals. 13. He’s financially prepared to care for you and your children, or he has the desire to. 14. He can and is willing to comfort your child when she hurts herself. (If he starts hyperventilating at the sight of blood, this might be a situation—especially if he’s already told you he’s a doctor.) 15. He doesn’t faint at the sight of diapers. 16. He can get down and dirty with your children—squirting them with a water hose, shooting hoops at the park, getting buried in the sand at the beach—and like it. (Thou...

HOW TO BE A GIRL ON A DATE Don’t tell him where you’d like to go—tell him the kind of food and atmosphere you enjoy, and then let him figure out a place that he thinks will suit your taste. Don’t tell him you’ll drive—let him get you to where you all need to go. Don’t tell him you want to go dutch—let him pay. Don’t invite him up for a nightcap—kiss him good night and let him figure out what he needs to do to earn the cookie (but not before the ninety-day probation ends).

HOW TO BE A GIRL AROUND THE HOUSE Don’t try to fix the sink, the car, the toilet, or anything else—let him do it. Don’t take out the garbage, paint, or mow the lawn—that’s his job. Don’t do any of the heavy lifting—he was born with the muscle it takes to move sofas/television sets/bookshelves and the like. Don’t be afraid to make a meal or two—the kitchen is both your and his friend. Don’t wear a T-shirt to bed every night—a little lingerie never hurt anybody.