Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

by Steve Harvey

that expecting a man to respond to them the way a woman would is never going to work.

Stability is important to you, but you’d rather build the foundation of your relationship together, no matter the man’s station in life. This is honorable, but really, it’s not the way men work. His eye will be on the prize, and that prize may not necessarily be you if he isn’t up where he wants to be in life. It’s impossible for us to focus on the two—we’re just not that gifted, sorry.

So, if you’ve been dating a guy for at least ninety days and you’ve never met his mother, you don’t go to church together, you haven’t been around his family or his friends, and he took you to a networking/job/social function and introduced you by your name, then you’re not in his plans—he doesn’t see you in his future.

Of course, some men simply refuse to share the money in their pockets with their women. As some rap songs and hip-hop magazines tell you, these men feel they’re being “played” if they provide anything of monetary value to the opposite sex. Some men even label any and every woman who expects her intended to provide for her the very handy, decisively ugly phrase gold digger. Oh, when it comes to women, that phrase gets tossed around these days like dough in a New York City pizza parlor. In fact, men have set it up so well that we’ve got women thinking that if they remotely expect a man to pay for their dinner, or buy them a drink at the bar, or set any financial requirements for their man, then they’re gold diggers.

Know this: It is your right to expect that a man will pay for your dinner, your movie ticket, your club entry fee, or whatever else he has to pay for in exchange for your time.

a man always wants something. Always. And when it comes to women, that plan is always to find out two things: (1) if you’re willing to sleep with him, and (2) if you are, how much it will cost to get you to sleep with him.

Newsflash: it’s not the guy who determines whether you’re a sports fish or a keeper—it’s you. (Don’t hate the player, hate the game.) When a man approaches you, you’re the one with total control over the situation—whether he can talk to you, buy you a drink, dance with you, get your number, take you home, see you again, all of that. We certainly want these things from you; that’s why we talked to you in the first place. But it’s you who decides if you’re going to give us any of the things we want, and how, exactly, we’re going to get them.

You control what you can control—your image, the way you conduct yourself, the way you let men talk to and approach you—and use that to get the relationship you want.

Women are smart—you all can tell when your friends are lying, you know when your kids are up to no good, co-workers can’t get anything past you at the job. You’re quick to let each one of them know that you’re not stupid, that you see them coming a mile away, and you’re not going to let them play that game with you. But when it comes to your relationships with the opposite sex, all of that goes out the window; you relinquish your power and lose all control over the situation—cede it to any old man who looks at you twice. Just because he happened to look at you twice. All I’m telling you to do is be smart about it.

“I don’t have sex with anyone until I’m sure that we are in a serious, committed relationship—no casual sex for me” are all acceptable ground rules for any man coming at you.

If he does not have himself together financially, emotionally, and spiritually, he may be sport fishing; if he is capable of providing and protecting his potential family the way a real man should, then he might be searching for a keeper.

Men cannot read minds, and we are completely incapable of anticipating what you want.

the guy who loves his mother and treats her with respect is the guy who will know how to act with you.)

That’s my way of saying that women will put up with a lot of things. Cheating is not one of them.

You simply cannot drive forward if you’re focused on what’s happening in the rearview mirror.

The first step, I think, is to get over the fear of losing a man by confronting him. Just stop being afraid, already. The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot.

If he doesn’t have a plan, why do you want him to stick around, anyway?

put your foot down, set some standards, and watch how fast he falls in line.

Remember this: the number one cause of failure in this country is the fear of failure. Fear paralyzes you from taking action. Don’t be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he’s not going anywhere.

No amount of sweet-talking and eye gazing should make you lower your standards.

Sometimes men just need to know that they are not alone.

2. Are you ready to have a full-time man in your life? I know this may sound like a crazy question, but some of you have been doing your own thing for so long that you haven’t considered what it will be like having a man in your life 24/7.

Are your communication styles compatible?

Communication is the KEY for every good, lasting marriage

and it needs to be the centerpiece of your relationship.

If he’s inviting you to meet his family, that says a lot about his commitment to you and the future of your relationship.

Be clear about the status of your relationship.

Get a primer on his family and his relationships with the most important members.

family members will be more likely to respect you when you stand up for yourself.

However, when his family shows up, the most important thing is to be honest, be open, and, above all, BE YOU.

A smart man can’t date a dumb woman. But he can use a dumb woman.

you have the right to know about a man’s past. Just don’t ask about it on the first date, because you will not get an honest answer, ever.