Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment

by Steve Harvey

If he introduces you as his “friend,” or by your name, have no doubt that’s all you are. He doesn’t think any more of you than that.

He just wants to know if he might be able to sleep with you, and he’s talking to you to determine exactly how much he has to invest to get what he wants. When I say, “invest,” I’m not talking solely about monetary values; I’m talking about your values—your requirements. He’s trying to see if your “price” is too high, if it’s affordable, if he can get it on credit, whether he can get it tonight.

When you’re not aware that all men have plans, you’re not placing requirements on him, and if you’re not setting any ground rules, then you’re essentially telling him that you’re open for his rules.

Know that if this man isn’t looking for a serious relationship, you’re not going to change his mind just because you two are going out on dates and being intimate. You could be the most perfect woman on the Lord’s green earth—you’re capable of interesting conversation, you cook a mean breakfast, you hand out backrubs like sandwiches, you’re independent (which means, to him, that you’re not going to be in his pockets)—but if he’s not ready for a serious relationship, he’s going to treat you like a sports fish. A

Real men extend themselves to women they care about. If you have a problem and your man does not extend himself—he doesn’t try to make it better—this is not a good candidate for benefits.

the three ways a man shows you he loves you is by professing, providing, and protecting.

Be firm on your non-negotiables. He’s a great guy, but he has a tendency for being late. You’re overlooking it now because his tardy arrival is usually accompanied by a bouquet of flowers or just the right sweet words that make your heart melt. Ladies, I’m telling you now, these little annoying habits might seem inconsequential at the beginning of your relationship, but they will be the very things that make you lose your mind with your man down the line. I know you might be thinking that thirty days is too soon to criticize him for something so small. But honesty is truly the best policy at this stage in the game to keep your relationship on track and to give you the best opportunities to get to know each other.

Keep your standards high. Ladies, as I have said to you many times before, get yourself some standards and stick to them. If this man is truly worth your time and energy, start your dating relationship with him by first being clear with yourself about what your standards are and making sure that he abides by your rules. No amount of sweet-talking and eye gazing should make you lower your standards.

Recognize him for the little things. Did he surprise you with an afternoon lunch? Or wash your car and fill up your tank just because? Nothing warms a man’s heart more than knowing that you appreciate him—even for the small things.

Allow him to be there for you. If you get a flat tire on the side of the road or you have a rough day at work, reach out to him and let him be there for you. This isn’t a test of his manhood, but an opportunity to see if this is truly a man you can rely on when life throws you a curveball.

You only meet when it’s convenient for his schedule.

Don’t let these last ninety days be just another dating thing you are trying out. Be sure that before you part with your cookie that this is YOUR choice. Remember, ladies, you have the control here. There’s no way that we can get into your intimate space without your permission.