All the Colors of the Dark

by Chris Whitaker

More than fear or distrust, it was a belief low in the bones, beneath the layers of skin and blood and guts, it was something that ached, it was something that told you soon enough you’d be drawing your gun, and you’d better be damn well ready to end a life.

The feel

Leica

A camera

This was the kind of trouble she read about in newspapers and saw on news bulletins. The kind of trouble that no one recovers from.

She did not know fear like it. Fear that claimed her muscles, her blood and breath, her mind. Fear that told her to get up and break and run. That she had made a brave mistake, the same kind Patch had made.

“He’s in there,” she said, desperate, certain. “He is.” “There’s no one inside.”

So Eli Aaron got away?

Her knees sunk in the mud as she cradled his head. His eye closed tight like he was holding onto the nightmare.

Did Saint find Patch?

Saint did not notice the cops surround her. “He’s breathing,” Nix screamed.

Omg

Patch knew right then it was an act, and that death when it came was not light or confession, forgiveness or peace or fire. It was that cold piece of time before you were born, that glance into history books that told you the world went on before and would go on again, no matter who was there to witness it.

“What are you?” he said, finally, in a whisper that sounded wrong, like he’d forgotten the order of words. “Just a girl trying to find her way through the darkness.”

Must be one the girls Eli kidnapped

“The peak of the clouds, with the angel. Maybe you see the Misty Moon from up there.”

Missing girl

“And the man, is he…the devil or something?” “We’re each our own devil, right?”

“Our universe is black. A galaxy and stars and dark matter, the planets and people and organisms. Everything is contained in this room with no light at all. Even when we get out, we’ll take it with us, our own private black hole that’ll swallow every good thing.”

The girl ebbed and flowed. Sometimes she answered and sometimes she hid herself so thoroughly he knew she could disappear when she chose.

Hallucination or no?

Dr. Tooms waiting at his kitchen table like he knew Patch needed so much.

What was Dr. Tooms doing with Patch?

“You don’t need charity. And I’ll bet that’s what Saint already knows. She’s being kind because she loves you.”

“Grace.”

Girl who is also kidnapped by Eli with Patch

“Maybe one day I’ll be the first to see him after the Resurrection. And if I’m chosen, he’ll send me back to the three persons. And they’ll hollow me out. Watch my blood flow over black rock like I never even was.”

Her home?

And for a while he’d tried keeping some kind of count between visits;

What happens during these visits? Torture?

“Your life. Or a piece of it. Paint it with every color you know, so I can see it, so we can see it.”

All the colors of the dark

“Where does the man go?” Patch said, handing her his bottle. “Hunting.” “Hunting for what?” She pressed her lips softly to his ear. “Bad people like you and me.”

“Sometimes I want him dead.” He said nothing back because he wondered at which times she did not.

Grace and Patch

“When I leave here it’s not what you imagine…what you fear. Those thoughts that make you want to—”

So what happens when Grace leaves the room

“The gold rush. From California to summer in Colorado’s Kingdom. Of course, it’s not just precious metal buried in no man’s land, but you get the idea.”

Missing girl

“Okay is the preserve of the uninspired, Patchwork. I’d rather live and die at the extremes than exist in the middle.”

Grace

He did not know darkness could be so beautiful.

Patch

“There’s too much you haven’t seen. The sky at Baldy Point, how Lake Altus-Lugert spills from the dam, crashing its way along the North Fork Red River.”

Missing girl

“Sometimes the only way to heal a wound is to tear a bigger one in the person that hurt you.”

Possible book quote

“Though it’s dark, I’ll always find you. Though you’re stronger than me, I’ll always make sure that you’re safe. To me, you’ll always come first.”

The devastation from the fire was total. Likely an assumed name; they found no record of his birth, of his life.

They would continue the search for Callie.

So Callie is still missing. What about Grace? Where is she?

“I need you to find her,” he said. Nix met his eye in the mirror.

So Grace is missing but the cops believe she is dead

He spoke of Grace and what he remembered, which was too much and not enough, the two state cops exchanging glances he could not read.

I wonder if the cops think Patch hallucinated Grace as a way to cope with the trauma

“The girl…Grace, when did she arrive?” He could not know. “Callie Montrose. It could be her,” Saint said.

I had thought this earlier. It's possible that Callie and Grace are the same person. I don't think "Grace" was the name of the girl who was also held in captivity with Patch

Franklin Meyer

Misty's dad?

appellate case

An appeals case?

“Nothing on this earth more beautiful than sacrifice, kid. You’ll do well not to learn that yourself.”

Sammy to Patch

“Your mind conjures something to keep you moving forward. It places salvation where there is none. You should speak with Dr. Tooms.”

Nix

“The shrink they make me see, she taps her pencil and frowns at me. And she talks about how we construct our ideals out of our own past mistakes. And I wonder what exactly a mistake is. A thing we should not have done, right? But if learning is built on trial and error there can be no mistakes, only rungs on a ladder to someplace better.”

She hadn’t stolen all that much. He never had anything to begin with.

“If it hadn’t gone exactly the way it did then people might not know about Grace and that she’s entirely brilliant and that she deserves to be spoken of and that she deserves to be found.” “Do you love her?” Saint asked, her small body tensed.

So sad. Patch wants Grace. Saint wants Patch. Jimmy Walters wants Saint. Misty wants....a friend? Someone to talk to about the kidnapping attempt? Patch?

Richie Montrose

Callie's father?

And listened to the bass-baritone of Johnny Cash.

Grace mentoned Johnny Cash

“I just…I wondered if the memories are coming back to you yet?” Tooms watched him with intent, his dark eyes fixed on Patch like he was seeking a tell, something that would show him the kid was drowning. “Memories?” “If you can remember more about the man.”

Hmmm a little suspicious of Tooms

narthex.

Antechamber

“Dr. Tooms,” Patch said. The doctor knelt awhile longer and only when he had finished his business with God did he stand and walk over and settle close beside Patch.

Hmmm he's still suspicious. I know he isn't the guy Saint encountered but I still feel like he knows something

“Why are you here now?” Patch said. “To ask forgiveness for acts I know in my heart I will commit again.”

Tooms

He wore smart shoes crusted with mud. His shirt carried a small tear along the seam.

Why are his clothes torn and shoes all muddy?

Mary

Misty's mother

He had once asked Norma about Sammy when they rode the bus. “People either drink like that to remember or to forget. I’d say both are true in Sammy’s case.”

You want to find your Grace?” Patch nodded. “Bring her to life then.”